Am I wrong for not letting my daughter see her dad??

Gina - posted on 01/11/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Ok so me and my ex have been on and off for about 5 years. About two years ago we had our daughter. Ever since I was pregnant all we have done is argue so I decide to leave him alone at times because majority of the times he always has to be the right one even when he knows he is wrong. Also when I became pregnant things became violent between us so it's been a constant battle. There was a time when we split up and I began hanging out with an old friend and he ended up finding out by hacking into my social networking accounts. So we had this huge argue meant about to where he would give my daughter to my mother when I asked her to go get her after the argument because he was talking very wreck less I didnt want to go over there because I didn't want it to turn violent especially in front of my daughter so the police was called out. So that blew over for awhile so we got back together but I couldn't go through the arguing every 5 mins because it wasn't healthy for me or my child he really didn't too much care and would keep telling me every time we argued to go find my friend so he can take care of our daughter because he wasn't gonna do it so I went and put child support on him... Things after that was smooth he came back along apologized for everything and we began to co-parent very well until he moved out with his room mates and I seen that the roommate would leave his gun laying around and thought it was ok even when my daughter was around and he sold marihuana and smoked in the apartment so I told my ex I didn't want her around that type of environment so for awhile at time when I needed to work and needed him to watch her he would tell me no because I wouldn't allow her over there he was fired so I had no type of child support coming in for daycare. So finally he gave in and came over to my house to watch her one night so when I got home that night they were both sleep so I woke him up so I could take him home.... Coming to find out he was drunk and had been drinking while he should of been watching our daughter so on the way home he's going on about when we weren't together and about how I had my mother cook dinner for my friend and invited him over so when I pull up infront of his apartment he goes off snatches my keys out the ignition and throws them so I couldn't find them so I go and look for them while I'm doing that he runs up behind me and snatches my cellphone and throws that so now I'm looking for everything he goes in his apartment and then come back down stairs while his friends pull up in their car and snatches my pants off of me along with my panties baring my bottoms so I'm trying to hold up my clothes so none of his friends will see anything because they're just standing by watching so I ended up calling the police and of course he ran so I took a protection order out on him to not have contact with me or my daughter. Now I did it for my daughter as well because before all this even happened he was mad about the same thing of course and while I'm driving with our daughter in the car he snatches my keys out of the ignition while there were cars behind us and jumps out of the car without even thinking my daughter my crying so luckily my reaction was quick because I stopped on brakes and pulled over and was praying because the car that was behind me was riding my tail and swerved. They always have a good relationship when things go good but when he gets mad at me he drops off the face of the earth and doesn't try to contact me to see how she is doing for weeks at a time. The protective order is temporary right now I go to court in a few days to get it extended. I want him in her life just not until he gets help because I told his parents about it and his father said he laughed about it and said I was making it bigger than what is was suppose to be so I really just don't wanna be bothered at all am I wrong for keeping her away I know everyone makes mistakes but this is becoming more and more violent and I don't want her to keep having to see this. Any advice will be helpful sorry it's so long!!

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Jodi - posted on 01/11/2014

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OK, well, just be aware that if you withhold visitation from him, he could take you to court for court ordered visitation. And he is likely to get some (even if supervised). Make sure you have documented evidence to back up your decision to not allow him to see her - it could potentially be viewed as parental alienation.

Jodi - posted on 01/11/2014

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OK, so you've actually already decided not to let him see her, then. Is there a court order for custody and visitation?

Gina - posted on 01/11/2014

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There was a time when my mother was doing that to keep the peace he just wasn't happy with that and always wanted to argue with her and it doesn't settle with me that every time he is mad with me he tell me to go find someone else (meaning another man) to take care of her and then on top of that putting her life I danger as well. I wanted this to be temporary so he can get help because he isn't stable. But thank you for your advice

Jodi - posted on 01/11/2014

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You shouldn't keep him from his daughter because you have issues with him. Instead, you need to put measures in place where you won't have to be in physical contact with him. You need to have a neutral third party to be involved with the drop off and pick up of your daughter, or supervision of the visitation. None of this should be done by you - that way you can protect your daughter from seeing his abuse of you. You should try to keep contact to text or email only.

If you ask in court, they may be able to recommend someone who can do this for you, or you can nominate someone you can trust to help you with this.

You should absolutely maintain the protection order for yourself - there is no way this man should be anywhere near you. But if you can collate the evidence, you would have a good case for supervised visitation.

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