Am I wrong for wanting my cheating ex to still care about his 16 year

Tina - posted on 09/10/2016 ( 19 moms have responded )

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He cheated with someone I know....a neighbor now a year in a half it seems like I'm begging him to still care about his son .his first born and only now she comes along after the 18 YEARS and is so disrespectful to me and my kids.just want him not to leave my son behind cause he is 16.and he needs his dad right?

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Aani - posted on 09/12/2016

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Hi Tina,

That's a sad situation indeed. I would want the father to have something to do with his son. In saying this, your son is now a young adult and perhaps at an age to make decisions for himself.

As a side question - do you want the father to have something to do with you too? If so, maybe you and your son need a good trip to the beach where you can both sit down and talk about wants and needs.

Ask your son what he wants vs needs and help him achieve it. Then, ask yourself the same question and make it happen :)

In my experience, sitting around waiting for something to happen usually results in heartache and torture - keep on keeping on!

19 Comments

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Ev - posted on 09/13/2016

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Sometimes it is necessary to talk about the child and their needs or to make decisions about things for the child. Since you do not have formal custody and so on there may be some decisions you need to make together.

Tina - posted on 09/12/2016

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One last .is it necessary for me have contact with his father.I wouldo never want to put my son in a compromise. He has my son # also I provided his father who the his school # I don't think it's necessary for us to speak anymore. In order for me to move on.

Tina - posted on 09/12/2016

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Thank you .I knew it all along just needed to vent.cause it still hurts. But thank you.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/12/2016

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Yes, you do need to move on, but your SON has a right to the relationship. He isn't old enough to take it to court, that is YOUR JOB. If you had filed to begin with, you would have had orders for contact that could be enforced.

Forcing your son to take the adult responsibility of trying to sort it out is not okay. Yes you need to emotionally move on. Your ex has, obviously, and you are letting that get to you. You know he is a shallow ass, move forward from that by all means, and counseling will help you with that, but you still have a responsibility to your 16 year old to help him have a relationship with his father.

Tina - posted on 09/12/2016

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Cause she knows about me .I already said I'm not going to have no more communication with him any more no more picking up his texting my son is sixteen so let him contact him I'm to hurt.is that wrong.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/12/2016

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So, you split, but did not get custody, support, and visitation set with a court order?

WHY??? You say there "is no need", but obviously there is. Contact an attorney. Get sorted. If your ex doesn't like it, he should have stepped up in the first place.

Tina - posted on 09/12/2016

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Wow ..you hit that right on...I know what I need to do but it's hard to see him move on and sorta leave my son also ..kind of cause they keep in touch. But I'M still hurting even after a year a now he is engaged posted it and everything. .I think he still cares cause he texts me every other day in other words he wants me to accept it but still have control of my feelings even at times ask for one last time in bed...but her and him doing the family thing with his sisters and my son I'm so at a crossroad

Ev - posted on 09/11/2016

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Actually it is your son's rights here that you are denying him. You need the father to be responsible for helping to take care of this boy until he reaches 18 years old.

Tina - posted on 09/11/2016

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Something to think about. But I know my boy and it's not my son's responsibility to do that he will hurt on the inside and keep it to himself. Thanks Michelle w.

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2016

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You can't make him step up and do what you see is right.
Maybe your son needs to talk to him and tell him he still needs him around.

Tina - posted on 09/11/2016

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There was no need for one we were together for 18 years. We have been apart now for over a year and a half it still stings but I can handle that I'm a grown women but for him to now disregard my son it's bothering me now.he is 16 but he still needs him not to mention she has two kids under the age of 4 no they are not his .what can or should I do

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2016

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You can't control how she is but of course the Father still needs to be there for his child.
What do your court orders say?

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