Carole - posted on 12/29/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )
My stepson of 13 has just moved down from one part of the country to live with us full time and go to high school near us. Before him actually moving we (husband/stepson/me/ex wife) had all talked about it and were happy with what was happening and the reasons why. As part of the process my SS had an interview at the High School and my husband and I flew our SS and the ex down at very short notice to attend the interview as well. It was over a holiday time and flights were few and far between so they ended up having to stay for about 3 nights and she stayed with us because there was no reasonable accommodation.
During the time she was with us I found it very difficult - I like her well enough but she is still my husbands ex and the mother of my SS - I found it very hard with her around. she didn't doing anything as such but just the dynamics in the house changed - I felt like an outsider and felt I was the hired help at times - and also was well aware that now my SS has his Mum and Dad around so why does he need me - even though I know he loves me - but when the actually parents are around - well it was just different. Our house is also not huge so she slept in the room next to ours! It was just all round odd and uncomfortable for me.
However, in passing my husband said to the ex - that when she comes to see her son then she must stay with us - he said it as a passing comment but when I spoke to him after he didn't see that this was a real issue. He said he was just trying to keep every one happy - to which I said that the people he should be keeping happy is myself and the SS. However, he is a good man and I think after the reactions of friends that I had actually let her stay to start with - he has said that he will tell her - but he hasn't got around to it yet. The ex is not coming down for a while but the other issue which complicates it is that my husband has said that he will continue to pay maintenance to the ex so that she can afford flights - but now - it is not just flights it will be accommodation as well - the maintenance is more than adequate but if she isn't told sooner rather than later - she may will not budget for this.
I am not sure how to deal with this and if I am being uncharitable in the whole thing .... so I would like advice on how to deal with it and also views on whether I am out of order with not wanting her to stay.