Am I wrong on this?

Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 10 year old daughter, who gets to see her dad over the summer months ever year is driving me crazy. I just sent my daughter to him last week, and he is already doing and saying things that a 10 year old BEAUTIFUL little girl should not need to hear from her father. He insists that she is obese. Can you believe it!?!?!? All because he put her height, weight, and age into an online BMI calculator and she came back in the 95th percentile. I have tried to talk to him and ask him to be careful of her self esteem, but all he has to say is that it is all my fault she's the weight that she is and that she WILL be walking on the treadmill when she is with him over the summer. All I want him to do is look with his eyes and not a BMI calculator and anyone can see that she is not obese. I have no problem with excersize, but walking on the treadmill until he says she can get off is NOT acceptable to me. Why not play soccer with her, or go for an outdoor bike ride? She is starting to go through puberty and is a little girl. Any adivse anyone has of how to deal with my esteem bashing ex husband would be great. My sweet, beautiful, perfect little girl shouldn't have to deal with this.

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Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2011

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We talk, but as you can imagine, don't agree on much. He is much easier to talk to when our daughter is with me than vice versa. When our daughter is with him I try to make as few waves as possible because I just want her to come back with as few issues as possible. I don't want my ex's anger with me to be directed toward her. I sent him several links to websites that show that BMI is incorrect 2 out of three times in girls my daughters age, and how he should not be putting her on special diets. The worst part is he is going to online school to work in radioligy, and somehow he thinks that qualifies him to make medical desicions where our daughter is concerned

[deleted account]

Oh what a shame :-( I'm sorry that your daghter has to be attacked by her own father. Are you on decent speaking terms with your ex? Any way you can have an adult conversation about tween self image and pre-puberty girls? Maybe some links to share with him about self-esteem and girls? Suggest book titles on raising girls? Ugh...sorry Jennifer, I really shouldn;t say this...but the guy sounds like an ass! I suppose the best thing is to continue to tell your little girl how beuatiful she is and how much she is loved, no matter her weight, size, body shape, teeth, etc.

Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2011

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Sharron, he lives in CO and I live in MN so a peds visit with the two of us is next to impossible. I am ultimately concerned for her self esteem. I personally do not think that she has a weight problem. My ex attacks her image all of the time saying things like well look you used to wear this size, and geez, I think we'll have to get you some braces for that gap in your teeth. In my opinion being as her father only sees her for a few short months in the summer he should tell her what a beautiful young lady she is turning into not tell her she's over weight and things like that.

[deleted account]

Make an appointment with the pediatrician for a consultation. Inform your ex-husband, as a co-parent, to attend so he can get the profesional medical advice on the issue, ask questions, and learn ways in which your ex can deal. He is not sure how to parent a pre-pubescent girl, and dealing with body changes/image, and body structure. As parents, the 2 of you should be able to have a non-confrontational meeting with the pediatrician in a respectful manner. Walking a treadmill is definately not the way to go. It's a combination of diet, cutting out the crap junk & processed foods, nutrition, and fun programs like swimming, biking, skating, anything that gets the body moving! Your ex needs to be able to see past the numbers on a BMI and be a dad. That means seeking medical council when appropriate. I truly hope he is willing to visit with the pediatrician, otherwise he will ultimately damage his relationship with his daughter.

Lucy - posted on 06/22/2011

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She doesn't look obese to me! But honestly, if he, or you, is worried about her weight, I would be right behind you in thinking the treadmill is not the way to handle it! Get her interested in healthy eating, go out and play some sport or just run around, but putting her on any formal diet or exercise program is not likely to do more at this age than make her self-conscious and possibly lead to issues later on. Just live healthily - kids' bodies are generally very good at staying within healthy limits so long as what is put into them is healthy :)

Jennifer - posted on 06/22/2011

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my sweet little girl is in the top left of my profile pic with her little brother and sister.

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