Angry 10 year old

Julie - posted on 10/24/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




My son is 10 in a few weeks, I also have a 13 year old son too who has no problems. My 10 year old shows me no respect and speaks to me like I am dirt. He has anger issues and often kicks off real bad. I have spoke to school who say he is fine apart from a little sillyness from time to time. I spoke to y GP last year and he suggested sending him for councilling but he was refused the councilling at a later date. I am at my witts end please help


Ariana - posted on 10/24/2012




I would still get him into councelling. There are some councellors how go by a 'sliding scale' so they charge you depending on what you can afford. You could also ask a school councellor to talk to him if you really don't have the resources to do that.

I would talk to your son and tell him that he is not allowed to speak rudely to you. He IS allowed to disagree with you, or even try to have a conversation with you about something he dislikes (a rule you have etc.) but he is not allowed to speak to you in a rude tone (show him what type of tone) or say rude things to you (example of whatever he says to you). Tell him from now on when a 'conversation' escalates into rude behavior there will be consequences. When you first start doing this you can possibly give him 1 chance and say something like, we need to stop this conversation because you are saying rude things now/using a rude tone and then if he doesn't stop give a consequence. I would try to be consistant but if you find one thing isn't working mix it up.

You can take away video-game time (I would limit his tv/games etc to times that you are comfortable with, explain that those are privilages that he has to earn by behaving properly). You can keep him inside for the day (or the next day if it's later on) add an extra chore if possible. Along with whatever consequence you decide fits best (which you MUST follow through on, something realistic not grounded for life or anything) send him to his room away from you. Tell him you do not allow people to talk to you disrespectfully. Do not continue an argument, if he refuses to go to his room take away another privilage. That way he can decide if he wants to lose out on one thing or two.

I would also get him to write down how he could have handled the situation better and apologize before he's allowed to leave his room. If his room is a fun haven, with all his toys and gadgets, I would take those from his room and tell him they will be in a seperate area that he can access them from.

Usually when kids are acting out like this it can be that they don't express themselves very well (or they've figured out they can get away with it). So you may want to have him pratice how he could have handled the situation when he's in a calmer mood. I would not allow him any privilages until he has done this. He needs to know there are ways he can speak to you and ways he can't. He may find it's not worth him losing privilages and being forced to write little assignments just because he doesn't want to speak to you properly.

I'm not sure specifically what other issues he has but try to talk to him about these things. Even though he's probably being very irritating try to connect with him and understand his side of the issue. Ask him what is going on. You can say, you've been speaking to me very rudely lately, what's up? See what he has to say and try to listen, even if he's saying you never listen, you don't let me do this and that etc. try to see it from his point of view and show that you understand. Ask him how you can solve this issue together, and what you two can do about it. Sometimes bringing kids into the solution of the problem can go a long way to solving it. He may come up with an idea you hadn't thought of, or possibly bring something up that you didn't realize was an issue.

This may not necessarily work but it will at least show that you are willing to try work with him on things.

I would definitely look into some councelling though.

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