Angry 15 year old son.

Tim - posted on 02/10/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My son thinks im a big butt hole because i dont want him smoking pot. He is a great kid, but found an older group to hang out with in the neighborhood and of course want to be cool with them, his grades are dropping and all he wants to do is hang with them and get stoned, He is starting to miss his lacrosse practices and dont want to do anything, and of course when i get on him he tries to make me feel like the bad guy. He lost his mom 3 years ago to an automobile accident and i have poured everything he wants at his feet feeling sorry for him but i now i am feeling i have created a monster, i am open to any suggestions.

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Tim - posted on 02/11/2015

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Thanks for the advice, i have sent him to counceling and he refuses to go, one of the problems was his step mother. I do give him money but have recently cut it out because i know if he dont have any he cant buy any.

Trisha - posted on 02/11/2015

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I agree with Jodi. Ensure your son gets counselling.
Also, try to ensure that 100% of your time is not spent disciplining him.
I have found that my stepson (also 15) is home more often, more respectful, and does not hang around the negative people in his life anymore since we sat down and determined what his daily responsibilities were, and ensured he was still able to have his time to do his social activities (xbox and skateboarding) as well.
Consistency for us has been key. He went from eating dinner with us one day a week to eating dinner with us 5 days a week, which has been great in strengthening our relationship as a whole family.

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2015

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Yes, it really was a mistake to give him everything he wants. You can't compensate for loss in that way. Has he been seeing a counsellor at all?

With regard to the drugs, I understand he is hanging out and getting stoned with his friends. Where is he getting the money? His friends won't tolerate a freeloader forever!! However, the drug use could be covering up other issues. In my experience (I'm a high school teacher), students who tend to be regular drug users and continue to associate with that crowd, are actually using drugs to cover up emotional problems, such as depression and anxiety. So again, a counsellor could help uncover this.

With regard to his grades, as I said to another poster, your son has a job. His job is to go to school and make a reasonable effort in his education. Just as we have to go to work to earn money to keep a roof over our heads. If your child doesn't do his job, then you have absolutely no obligation to provide more than shelter, food and basic clothing. If you don't work, you don't get "paid", so to speak. He can get all those privileges back when he earns them back. You need to sit down and explain that to him. However, this is unlikely to work if there are other underlying, unresolved issues.

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