Another custody battle...HELP

Alexandra - posted on 03/27/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I think I'm going to be in another custody battle with my daughter's dad. We went through one last year and he was really good about seeing her, now its been over 3 months and he hasn't seen her because his living situation was so bad. His girlfriend kicked him out he had no where to go. She even broke his phone so I'm guessing it got physical. He is very verbally abusive to me over text messages. I do not feel comfortable letting her go over there because of all this, yet our custody agreement says I have to. What do I do?! I am a single mother with no help from him might I add, so not a whole lot of money.

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Jodi - posted on 03/27/2013

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You are guessing it got physical because his phone is broken.
You are not wanting to send your daughter over because he is verbally abusive to YOU (not your daughter).
His girlfriend kicked him out and he has nowhere to go, so he hasn't been able to see her because of his living situation.

Nope, I can't see a custody issue here. Your child still has a right to get to know her father, and as far as I can see, he isn't hurting her.

What is he verbally abusive to you about? Because you won't let him see his child?

Jodi - posted on 03/27/2013

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Still no case, sorry. He has a current visitation order. It is unlikely the courts will take that away based on 3 months of homelessness that may or may not be his fault.

What is he sending you abusive text messages about if it isn't about his access?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/27/2013

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Jodi and Dove know what they're talking about, and I agree with both. You have no case for keeping this child away from her father.

You claim that you "offered" to let him come to see the child or meet somewhere, but he didn't take advantage of that. What kind of conditions did you stipulate in your offer? If they were insanely controlling, or completely unreasonable, I can see why he wouldn't respond.

If he's been abusive towards you in texts, you can use that as a basis for contact restriction for YOURSELF, but not your child, because he has not been abusive towards the child. The texts to you are no reason to restrict his access to his child. Nor is your perceived opinion of his living status. Unless you are an eyewitness to what goes on in his life, you are only assuming what happens to him. You are presuming that he was in a physical altercation, but you have no proof.

Not to be bitchy, but proof is necessary for anything like this. Solid proof.

Alexandra - posted on 03/27/2013

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he was not in her life for the first 2 years around for 6 months then out again ccuz his situation got bad. While he couldnt take her for those 3 months i offered for him to come by and see her or meet somewhere so he could see her he never took advantage of that.

Dove - posted on 03/27/2013

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If you have a court order for visitation and you are denying him his legal right to see his child... You may end up with a custody battle. If you withhold visitation without just cause (and just cause needs to be determined in court) you could very well end up losing custody of your child to him.

Unless your child is in actual danger... not just 'perceived danger' from you imagining what did or did not happen between him and his girlfriend.. you won't have a case. If he is 'verbally abusing' you via text message... ignore him and save the texts in case you end up needing to get a restraining order against him in the future. That would be for YOU though.... and has no bearing on his relationship with his child... or her relationship with her father.

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