Another hard parent inlaw situation?

Heather - posted on 11/14/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have researched and read and read advice about what to do, I chose the best I thought and it totally back fired on me.

Since the birth of my son, initially we had the inlaws calling around every day, calling, texting, emailing. It got too much so we asked for some space. Instead of giving it to us it was met with " you are making me sad, you are taking our grandson away from us" I felt this wasn't a time i could concentrate on them and focused on getting used to my new little family.

They want to babysit, be left alone with him, I think it is fine - later, he is only 2 months old. For now i am enjoying my moments with him while on leave from work. They tend to question the decisions we make, so much so that i feel like a crappy mum - small comments here and there that i cant respond to as they are small judgement sentences but built up enough that it starts to dig deep, it sounds weird but i have always had a very clear idea of how i want to raise my kids, i read as much as i can and take the information that suits us best for how i would like to be and influence them. there is no one way to be a parent but i have chosen a clear path. i am not just going with the flow(however, if i chose to do this it should be our decision and ok)

The advice i was given was if they continue to question and manipulate refuse to justify the choices any more and if it continues say as nicely as you can, i am the parent and you need to respect this...... so i did... then i got yelled at and told "i have had 30 years more experience then you so you know nothing of what i do" basically i am right end of discussion.

For me, my parents were great, they made mistakes, they help if i need but they have said, "i hope ive given you the tools to do better then me in life". They are very supportive without the judging. I feel totally stupid now for standing up for my family and what i believe. I went from having confidence as a new mum to questioning everything. There is a cultural aspect, I am australian, my husband Swiss with a Greek dad and i think that is where the respect your elders and do what you're told comes from however, it doesn't make it right. in response to his yelling i said " when you treat me as an equal and with respect i will show you the same" The point of the talk was to get them to understand we make decision based on research, feelings and what my husband and i agreed on. I tried to get them to understand this and stop the comments of disagreement. Totally didn't work.

Where to go from here?


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Heather - posted on 11/14/2012




Thanks for this, i should add that my husband is a little bit of a "yes" man and I am hurting him by standing up for what WE have decided if it is against what they think.... I saw WE because together we speak and make decisions. If they are here he tends to flip back and forth.

You are right though... I hate putting him in this position.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/14/2012




Tell your inlaws that they were given the chance to raise their children, and now it is your turn. That they now have the opportunity to be grandparents, and spoil the child. But the every day parenting is on you and your husband. But actually, these words should be coming from your husband since it is his parents.

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