Answers to difficult questions ...

Dominique - posted on 09/11/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have a little boy (almost three) and I am a single mother. His father left me when I was four months pregnant. I would like some advice on what to say when the day comes when my son asks me about his father.
I know the day is coming closer and I dont know what to say. He has begun saying things like "daddy lion, mommy lion and baby lion", every time he mentions the word daddy i cringe. Please help!!!


JuLeah - posted on 09/11/2011




His world right now is what he knows and that does not include a dad. He doesn't miss his dad. He has no feelings about this at all, but he is learning. Each time he says the word you cringe. So he will figure out that something about that should upset him. He will figure out that not having a 'dad' (whatever that is) should be causing him pain.

Make sure he understands that family is how ever you define it.

I got books/videos from the library for my kid about families and we talked all the time about how some kids are adopted, some have lots of brothers and sisters, some have a mom and dad, some live with grandpartents, some with no parents, some with two moms, some with two dasa, some have one dad, some have one mom ...

We knew many people from many walks of life - she had friends living with mom and grandma, two dads, two moms ... with grandma, with uncle and aunt ....

All types of familes are okay as long as their is love

It doesn't need to be a bigger deal then you make it

If he feels he is missing out, it will be painfull, if he feels the loss it will hurt, but he will only feel that if the message is sent that he should

He does need men in his life, don't get me wrong. Uncles, grandpa, adult bothers, teachers, coachs ... mentors of some kind need to be there for him, but it doesn't have to be a dad

That being said, there may come a time that he actually wants to know. Don't bad mouth his father, just keep it simple - being a part of a family was too much for him to deal with.

Make sure your son knows it was not about/had nothing to do with him

Offer fun stories about his dad if you have them pictures ... let him see that half of his genetics- maybe even meet that side of the family if all agree

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