any 1 got advice on dealing wth screaming n tantrums??

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Galilee - posted on 06/19/2009

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A book called taming toddlers written by a pediatrician & psychologist, Dr Green, suggests that you should ignore tantrums. Simply walk away and when the child has calmed down reward their decision to have stopped with praise & encouragement. Children like to find things that would get your attention. If they see that they are pushing mommy's buttons it becomes fun. Ignoring the tantrums has worked for me and I don't think that spanking in such a situation is relevant, it results in more tears and more screams when you actually want to calm the situation down.

Maggie - posted on 06/18/2009

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when my daughter is through a tantrum (depending on what it is about) she usually is put in her crib until she quiets down. i tell her that if she is going to behave like that, then she can sit in her crib until she calms down. my daughter is 20 months old. but again it depends on what it is. if she is throwing a tantrum because you won't pick her up, explain to her why (even if you don't think she doesn't understand) whether it be because you're doing the dishes or something else and then kind of ignore her. i know it sounds harsh but as long as she is ok, and not hurting herself, then it's ok to let her scream it out. good luck!

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Samantha - posted on 07/06/2012

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hi they im new to this site anyone got any add vadice i can stop my 15 month old son to stop having tantrums and screaming and crying for nothing trying to have his own way he slap me he bits people and him self and staps hes feet on the floor and he has a tantrums if he s dinner s or gone and when i change him and when its bed time he refuss s to go to bed plz get back to me pls thanks

Maggie - posted on 06/21/2009

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Quoting Erin:

I feel I have to come to Melissa's defense....
If you tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention...it's not the same as smaking them on the shoulder...I am hoping that Melissa is mean a light tap on their little bum to get their attention...I don't think she was talking about spanking or hitting or smacking her child. We all have different parenting styles and I wouldn't judge her or your parenting style as I would hope you and she would not judge mine. Sometimes when a tanturm is in full swing yelling at the top of your lungs, picking them up and putting them in time out, walking out of the room and many other manners of dealing with a tantrum just don't get our munchkins attention emotions are running to high so you tap them on the bum.


i agree completely. a tap (or even a spanking depending on the situation) on the bum is no big deal. my parents did it to me and i like to think i turned out ok.

Vanessa - posted on 06/19/2009

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I am no expert by far, but here's what I do: I remain calm myself (which is hard to do, I know) and walk out of the room. I noticed he didn't really "tantrum" without his audience as much - and during those times when he was super-upset and continued to scream on his own, I'd still walk away and let him know that I understand he's upset and he can join me when he's finished.
I also regularly use "time out" when he does something just plain wrong (like hitting me) which gives him another forum to express his frustration as an alternative to having a tantrum on the floor. He still cries in time out, but I think he's learning that it's safer for him to sit in time out for 2 min (1 min per year, as SuperNanny says!) than flail on the floor and possibly bump his head (I have hardwood floors).
That's my humble advice, and I know every child has a different temperment and personality. Good luck!!

Theresa - posted on 06/18/2009

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and just my opinion on the whole hitting thing. for me personally, i give my 1.5 year old a smack on the hand if she does something over and over and she knows its wrong. she is very smart and she expresses her wishes to dissobey me when its intentional. so i don't feel like smacking her on the hand (not hard of corse, but its the idea that mommy isn't happy with you that makes it such an impact on her) is bad, and no parent out there, no matter how seasoned they are or aren't is going to tell me that its abuse. There are limits and i personally never smack in the butt or leg or arm or head or anything like that because im afraid of the idea. But i feel the hand is a good, resilient, obvious place to lightly smack a child where you will get your point accross. anyway, thats my opinion on the whole thing. time out is my first option at all times.

Theresa - posted on 06/18/2009

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oh gosh, i go through the same thing with my 1.5 year old. she has such a strong spirit and she screams like an ultrasonic high pitched scream that melts your brain! lol. but its really terrible, some days it gives me headaches. i've just gotten to the point now where i put her in her crib if she keeps on with it. too bad for me, now she knows how to climb out of her crib. But good thing for me there is a lock on the outside of her bedroom door, so for 2 minutes she stays in there for a time out and she has gotten a pretty good idea of what time out is now. maybe that will work for you.

Crissie - posted on 06/18/2009

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Quoting kylie:

when my kids through a tantram i try to egnore it just walk away that is the only way they no to express there selfs what they want is for you to give in and give them the attention they want so i just pay no attention and just say when you are finished i will talk to or help you but i can not help you when you are doing this and walk away. it might sound harsh but it works for me it is hard to walk away though i feel horrible doing it but it works for us




I agree that is what I do with my 3yr old when she try's to start I tell her "go to your room and when you are done and over the fit throwing you can come back and join us" ~ in the beginning she would fit all the way back to her room sit on the floor play with her toys and fake fit (I've watched her do it...) ~ now because we have not given her the upper hand on it she'll try to start and I'll say 'room now' and she will stop and forget the whole thing and/or talk to me about what she is trying to want to fit about ~ So test it walk into another room and peek at them see what they are doing with you out of the room...





Good luck with the temper tantrums they can be a picnic!! Just remember you are the parent and the child just needs your guidance and love....

Erin - posted on 06/18/2009

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I feel I have to come to Melissa's defense....

If you tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention...it's not the same as smaking them on the shoulder...I am hoping that Melissa is mean a light tap on their little bum to get their attention...I don't think she was talking about spanking or hitting or smacking her child. We all have different parenting styles and I wouldn't judge her or your parenting style as I would hope you and she would not judge mine. Sometimes when a tanturm is in full swing yelling at the top of your lungs, picking them up and putting them in time out, walking out of the room and many other manners of dealing with a tantrum just don't get our munchkins attention emotions are running to high so you tap them on the bum.

Megan - posted on 06/18/2009

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I put my son in his room or tell him to go to his room and calm his body down. When it's calm, then we can talk. Or I'll look at him and ask if there's another way he could act that might work better. I do that when he starts talking in a whiny voice as well "Is there another way you could say that, maybe one that I can understand?"

Tamara - posted on 06/18/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

here we go again with the changing around what people say. tap is not hit and tapping a child is not illegal and definately is ok to do so.

Im lucky Samantha mine has no started throwing tantrums yet LOL


Honestly, it's all semantics.  Tapping, smacking, spanking, popping, switching etc. are all HITTING.  We are punished if we strike another adult but if we do it to a child in the context of "discipline," its suddenly ok.

Jennifer - posted on 06/18/2009

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We just went through this with my 2 yr. old. Turns out he had an ear infection wich totally exacerbated the problem!! Now that he's healthy and back to his "normal 2yr old tantrums", I set him aside and let him scream. If he doesn't self soothe, I will casually ask him if he is finished and he will usually turn off the tatntrum and say "yes".(little stinker ;) When he is calm, I will briefly talk about why he was screaming and give him outher solutions, ie.: words to use. Good luck! Remember, "This too shall pass!!!"

Erin - posted on 06/18/2009

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when my daughter throws a temper tantrum i take her to the tantrum spot and tell her she can throw a fit there all she wants and when she's done we try to figure out what the problem is. she's 19 months so most of the time it's not getting her way. oh well. i still let her pitch a fit. if we are in public, we take her to the car. in the house its a corner. it works for her.

Amanda - posted on 06/18/2009

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My 15 month old throws tantrums when he is tired or hungry mostly. When he is tired i just put him 2 bed and he is out or i make him cry himself to sleep. If its because he is hungry I just make him wait if supper is soon done or give him a little snack. Sometimes he does it just to get a reaction out of my husband or I and we just walk rite over him and ignore him. It is hard to do, but it teaches him that his behavior is unacceptable and that if we wants something or needs something he needs to point it out, since he is unable to speak what he wants yet.

Samantha - posted on 06/18/2009

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Ignore the tantrum. Leave the room if you have to. Eventually they will learn that this doesn't get your attention. It may take a several times before you will notice a change in the behavior. I remember when I did this with my first child, she would follow me when I left the room and throw herself down on the floor and continue. I think it was a couple of weeks before there were no more tantrums, and each one was less than the one before. I also notice the tantrums were worse when she was hungry or sleepy, so I could sometimes head off the tantrum with a snack. Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 06/18/2009

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whoa! dont take what i said and make it sound as if tap is hitting or spanking is hitting i never said that just said didnt agree with it not all children this works for some if does some it doesnt.... im just saying it doesnt always work . didnt say u hit.

Jamma - posted on 06/18/2009

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My 3 yr old did this a few times when she first started walking i just ignored her, they want a reaction out of you. Just walk away and never give them what they are screaming for. Its easier said then done but eventually they will figure out screaming and acting crazy is not going to get me anywhere.

Kylie - posted on 06/18/2009

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when my kids through a tantram i try to egnore it just walk away that is the only way they no to express there selfs what they want is for you to give in and give them the attention they want so i just pay no attention and just say when you are finished i will talk to or help you but i can not help you when you are doing this and walk away. it might sound harsh but it works for me it is hard to walk away though i feel horrible doing it but it works for us

Mel - posted on 06/18/2009

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here we go again with the changing around what people say. tap is not hit and tapping a child is not illegal and definately is ok to do so.

Im lucky Samantha mine has no started throwing tantrums yet LOL

Rebecca - posted on 06/18/2009

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spanking isnt always the answer to when they have a tantrum i disagree for i have raised 3 kids and it didnt work for them but i did take them aside and set them in time out and i said till u stop then we will talk. i do this with my youngest who is 12 yrs old for he has some issues and when he gets mad he thros a tantrum so i sit him down and make him cool off and think of why he did what he did... for most younger kids a time out chair works and then discuss why do u have to do it .

Tamara - posted on 06/18/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

a tap on the bum or legs should work


I'm sorry I didn't get the memo that its ok to hit kids.

Samantha - posted on 06/18/2009

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If you get the right answer to this question please let me know! My 15mo old is a monster when it comes to tantrums.

Good Luck!

Tamara - posted on 06/18/2009

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Generally what I do is try to pinpoint the cause of the tantrum so I can avoid it and then while the tantrum is in full swing, I ride it out, letting my LO express the emotions she doesn't have words for. Afterward, she's much happier now that she's "reset" her emotional state.

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