ANY ADVICE ON DEALING WITH WINING?

Aline - posted on 10/21/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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HI! MY SON IS 4 YRS. OLD, AND HE WINES ALL THE TIME, HE IS USUALLY A HAPPY CHILD BUT RECENTLY HE HAS BEEN CRYING A LOT AND SHOWING FRUSTRATION, AND WINING! I TRY TO TELL HIM THAT I NEED TO HEAR HIS "BIG BOY" CALMED VOICE IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WANTS, AND IT HELPS..BUT NOT PERMANENTLY...ANY ADVICE?

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Yvonne - posted on 10/21/2009

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Hi Aline, Know the problem.
First I will give you the thought that was given to me when I asked about when all my children where constantly whining. Illness, possibly worms (Which can be picked up just about anywhere)
The favourite place for my DD to start whining was when we got into the car. So my husband and I gave the whinger an altar ego, "Mona." We would discuss how disappointing it was to have "Mona" in the car and how we were sure we put "... " (dd's actual name) in the car. And then proceed to talk about how lovely she was and state all her good qualities. She would protest that she was there, but we would either ignore her protest or we would answer. " No, you couldn't possibly be "..." she would never do that and again state all the good qualities.
It took a number of goes, but she got the message and stopped. And we were much less stressed, by both the process we took and that she stopped.

Kappy - posted on 10/21/2009

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Oh whining is just the WORST, isn't it?? I remember when my son was about that age. He didn't really understand what I meant by whining, so I had to start whining so he could see it. I didn't do it in an angry way, I started talking to him about it when he FIRST whined one afternoon, before I was really REALLY sick of it. I said something along the lines of, "You know honey, I'd be a lot more willing to give you that snack if you didn't ask in such a whiny way. Do you know what whining sounds like?" That's a rhetorical question- you just go ahead and whine your next sentence - and laugh along with him when it sounds so ridiculous. Then I asked him which he likes better... and I asked him something I regularly asked him to do- pick up his toys or something - in the whiny voice. Or, I said, is this one better? Then I asked in the nice voice.



We also talked about WHY a person whines. It's because you FEEL icky and it just spills out in your voice. I told him there are still GROWN ups who whine! And it's true. There certainly are. I told him I wanted him to learn to control his voice now, so he didn't end up like these poor grown ups that annoy everyone with their whining and don't even realize it!



He would still whine from time to time - but then I would just STOP. Turn around with a confused look on my face and ask, "You weren't... WHINING just now... were you?" Then he would giggle & rephrase the question and then I would say, "oh YES! That's what I thought you said," and try to give/do whatever it was he asked for, kind of like a reward. He was always asking for something simple back then! LOL



Good luck! And good for you for nipping it now before it gets really REALLY out of control!

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Benardette - posted on 08/29/2011

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I ALSO HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM WITH MY CHILD HE IS THE SAME AGE. HE WHINES AND CRIES WHERE EVER I TAKE HIM AND IS MAKING ME VERY STRESSED. SOMETIMES I REALLY CRY AND FEEL NERVOUS. I'M TAKING ANTI DEPRESSANT TABLETS BUT STILL NO LUCK. KINDLY ADVISE.

Karen - posted on 10/25/2009

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"If you want mommy to answer you, you must not whine! Mommy only answers when big boys talk properly." This response must be made on eye to eye level and in a place where he has your full undivided attention. If he is just whining to get something ( not just wanting to talk with you or ask you something, but whining because he "wants" something specific) then you must talk to him on his eye level and explain that "whining" or not "whining" will NOT determine whether or not he gets his way. If this doesn't work then 2 minutes time in the "whining chair" (set the kitchen stove buzzer) for this behavior should eventually do the trick.Consistency is the KEY..stay tough MOM you can do it! KB

Julie - posted on 10/25/2009

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Keep doing it. But change the "big boy" terminology. We give our kids missed messages when we imply that being a little boy is bad, when half the time that's who we want and who he is. Try saying, "I can't understand your whining voice." "Please talk to me in a regular voice." Don't give in or give up until he responds in a regular voice. The reason kids (or adults) repeat behavior is because it has worked. So, tell him....this doesn't work any more. Tell him in an even and unemotional voice when you are not stressed.



More tips on my blog



http://enlighteneddiscipline.blogspot.co...



You'll get it. Your a great parent.



Julie Jenkins Sathe

Jennifer Ann - posted on 10/25/2009

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if you react the same way for 30 days straight you will see a definite change. keep a straight face and a calm voice and simply make an immediate decision to remove the child from the situation and dont even make it an issue. the whole thing should last about 30 seconds for the parent. the childs whining can last and last and last... but as the days go on... the whining lessens... and the child will know he or she can never win.

Lillie - posted on 10/25/2009

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i know this will sound like you don't care but try not responding when he winnnes and when he don't let him know that he is a bigboy no longer a baby because it sound like he is winning for attection from you at 24 7 but if you only respond when he uses his big boy voice he will use it more see if this works i have 18 grands 5 kids and 1 great and this worked for me and their moms sometime young mama think that they have to answer their childs evey wim but the child is sometimes just testing his or her control over u make sure he is not in need of anything and then don't respond usless he is taking in a big boy voice no reward for winning only big boy get reward

Crystal - posted on 10/22/2009

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It is the hardest thing in the world to ignore a whining child, but you need to just tell your child stop whining and tell me what you want. If they dont dont answer them. Make the child talk to you. That is the best way to do it. Sorry its hard... you'll appreashiate it later, and thank you for doing it now. Good luck

Donna - posted on 10/22/2009

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I certainly do......when your child whines - ignore it, don't give in to buying the Candy, doing what it wants, just tell the child, you don't accept this behavior, and ignore. It works - I raise two of my own and 6 foster children, and it worked. Too much Verbal at the age of 4 he doesn't understand. I don't accept this behavior, is enough - and continue doing what you do. He will get the message in about ten days.

Kristy - posted on 10/22/2009

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Do not give him what he wants when he whines.... tell him "I don't understand you, you are whining".... You need to talk to me....

Once he stops... and TALKS to you, give him a high five....

Ginny - posted on 10/22/2009

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Hi,

Whining is a problem with many children. I think it can be one of the worst things for a mother to control and hear all day. I have a 15 yr old that still whines. First, try to not get frustrated, as I know it's hard. I don't know about your child, but sometimes I think they whine, because they think it will get them what they want faster! Ask them to speak to you in a normal voice. Sometimes I talk whiney back, to let them realize what it sounds like and how annoying it is. I think they adjust to this behavior and don't even realize sometimes they're doing it. Also, don't give them what they want just because they whine!! It becomes so annoying to us we give in and then the cycle just continues. Consistancy in all child-rearing areas I believe is the plan!

Good luck and I know you'll do fine.

Eileen - posted on 10/22/2009

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Whining just drives me crazy! When my children started that (around same age) I whined back "whaaaat? I caaan't heeear yoooouuu, whaaaat, I can't hearrrrr yoooouuu." and then promptly and respectfully responded when they used respectful voice and words. As a family, we talk about how to appropriately get what we want, and point out that whining DOES work in some (a lot of) families...and how it makes EVERYONE feel when someone is whining. They tested this method for a while; but they got really tired of hearing me whining back at them, and them having to repeat themselves. Even if your son is not feeling well or stressed about something (which you want to TALK about, not whine about,) it is a normal developmental step; the question is: what are you going to teach your kids about what works?

I am an art teacher, and use this method in the classroom as well...older kids pick up on it VERY quickly, and are immediatly treated with the level of respect that they show.

Denise - posted on 10/22/2009

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Tell him that if he does not stop whining you will not listen. Then ignore him. Once he sees he is not getting the attention his whining once got him, he will stop.



You can also tell him that if he does not talk to you without whining, he can go to his room and stay there until he can talk to you without whining.



Worked with my twins!

Tray - posted on 10/22/2009

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Im putting it down to his environment- As in Nursery or school. He sees others act this way and from his purspective, it actually works in order for one to get their own way etc.

I think once he starts with the whining, before you get irritated, try to find out whats the matter. If there is no reason, you need to warn him that if doesnt stop, you will ignore him because thats not how big boys act. Only babies (at that age, they hate being called babies). If he continues... Ignore him. If it becomes unbearable... leave the room.

Saratha - posted on 10/21/2009

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i am too facing the same problem with my little girl who is going to be 5 years now

Maxine - posted on 10/21/2009

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Quoting Aline:

ANY ADVICE ON DEALING WITH WINING?

HI! MY SON IS 4 YRS. OLD, AND HE WINES ALL THE TIME, HE IS USUALLY A HAPPY CHILD BUT RECENTLY HE HAS BEEN CRYING A LOT AND SHOWING FRUSTRATION, AND WINING! I TRY TO TELL HIM THAT I NEED TO HEAR HIS "BIG BOY" CALMED VOICE IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WANTS, AND IT HELPS..BUT NOT PERMANENTLY...ANY ADVICE?



he's just testing to see if he gets more attention this way, you have to be firm and only get ,or listen to what he wants when he's talking in he's  BIG BOY VOICE it wont take him long to work out that he gets listened to when he is not wineing, hope this helps.

Jennifer - posted on 10/21/2009

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Hey Aline!!

I feel your pain about whining children. I am a school teacher who works with children from K - 8th grade. I have experience with working with whining children. I am a big "Nanny 911" fan and have used their strategies for discipline as well as whining children. There is a website that helps you with any problem you have experience. I know that with the child I am working with whining, I have an incentive chart posted in my classroom, we had a one on one talk about expectations and how to use his "natural voice". When he needs to speak, he is told to his words. If he continues to whine, I am constantly commanding him to use his words to be heard so that I may be able to assist him. This strategy has work because he wants to earn his incentive and make changes. When he use his words, he is given a sticker to place on hie incentive chart. Upon completion of the incentive chart he will recieve his reward. Please note that the incentive chart will be completed in 3 weeks, which is how long it takes to learn a new habit. Positive and immediate feedback when he exhibits the behavior you want helps him reinforce the wanted behavior. Good luck and let me know how it goes!! By the way, you cam also goole "nanny 911" to find the website for tips!! Take care and be bless!!

Jennifer T.

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