Brooke - posted on 08/15/2011 ( 57 moms have responded )
Right, so here's the story. My hubby and I have been together for 12 years, very happily, or so I thought.
3 years ago, my friend came to me and showed me a text from my hubby asking her to go to Melbourne with him, as he travelled there a lot at that time. When I confronted him, he said he was drunk, and thought he hadn't sent it. I let that one slide, because he had directed her to a website, which said that he was looking for someone to swing, with his wife involved too. Although, we had agreed the week before that I was not able to do that at that time, as I was home with a young baby. So it definitely seemed to be asking her to go without me. But I let that one go.
About 18mos later, there were a few things happening which raised my suspicions, small stuff. But then I ran into him at the shopping center when he was supposed to be at a meeting. He did not look happy to see us. He said that they had called him to cancel the meeting. He left with us, but ducked back in to 'use the toilet' first. When I checked his phone, there was NO incoming call that morning.
Just recently, I found some pics of another girl, which looked different from his usual porn. And they were a different type of image (bitmap) where all the other porn is jpeg. So, I checked through his email, and found that about a year ago, he had put a profile on a cheating website, making it clear that he wanted discretion from his wife.
I confronted him about it, and the story kept changing.
Now, the excuses:
1. Still sticking with "I was drunk, and didn't think I sent the message"
2. "I was sneaking the day off work, and didn't want to tell you." Every other time he has done that, he has stayed at home and vegged.
3. "She's just a random pic from the internet." I asked him to find the site and prove it, now he says that he thinks it was a profile pic, from an amateur site, and must have been changed since.
4. "I didn't do it, I don't know what you are talking about." I showed him the website, and he deleted the profile. Then it was "I must have, but don't remember." Now it's "I must have been hacked"
Nice excuse, but if you saw that someone had put your profile on a site like that (with a very apt description), wouldn't you keep it on there so you can show the police?
It's stupid, I'm sure he's lying, but a big part of me wants to believe him. I want to believe that he would not use a pic from our WEDDING DAY to put on a cheat site.
But what are the odds.... seriously? Any one of those excuses sounds right, but together?????
Sorry it's so long, but I just want to know what you guys think. Is there any chance I am wrong here, or am I horribly right?
Okay, so here's an addition to the story. About the same time as the web page was put on, one of his workmates (who I told him was trouble, by the way)told him that she had been put under investigation at work, for innapropriate relations with a colleague. She asked my husband not to say anything to the boss, as she had been told to stay away from my hubby while it (the investigation) went on. My hubby told me about it straight away, and I knew he had not been having an affair with this woman, for many reasons. He had been riding to work with her as our car was broken, and she often arrived late to pick him up. So we believed her when she said that them arriving late at work, flirting (he flirts without meaning to, I am already aware of that), and general office gossip etc. was the reason for the issue.
However, during the last few days, I connected that time with the timing of the web profile, and decided to go and see his old boss. I figured he no longer works there, so it could not harm him.
The boss told me that there was no investigation at all against this person, and that the only thing she had ever said was to her own boss, asking for advice on how to deal with this woman throwing herself at my hubby and another male colleague. She also said this woman has been proven to have made up lies to get other people into trouble. So I need honest answers- do you think this woman could have put on the webpage (she was at our wedding and had access to photos, and knew my hubbys email address), then told him this, hoping I would get suspicious and check his email, find it and throw him out, so she could comfort him? Or am I just stretching too far? I know she had also told her own husband the same lie, as he and I spoke briefly about it,(the investigation, as we thought).