Any ideas on how to have a better relationship with your 13 year old daughter?

Brenda - posted on 11/16/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My daughter dislikes school so will sometimes fake being sick so she can stay home. Well she has "cried wolf" so many times now that I tend not believe her when she says she doesn't feel good. Just about every morning she says this before school. Well this morning she again said she doesn't feel good and I wouldn't let her stay home. Now she has told me that she doesn't ever want me to ask her how she is and she is never going to confide in me about anything because she thinks I don't care about her. We've even taken her to the doctor on several occasions because she doesn't feel good and even the doctor thinks she is basically being a drama queen. My question is this - how do I now fix my relationship with my daughter? Is this normal and should I just let it blow over on it's own? I don't like having her mad at me but I also think she's pushing my buttons.

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Jodi - posted on 11/16/2011

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So, up until now, every time she feigns sick, you have let her stay home? Not good. Not good at all. You have enabled her behaviour. In fact, she obviously has you wrapped around her little finger!



So you finally said no? Well done mum!!



This is not about fixing your relationship with your daughter. of course she is mad at you. You are her parent, and you just did something you needed to do. You BECAME her parent. You are not her friend. So she is mad at you. She's a teenager. There are going to be a lot of things you put your foot down over in the coming years that she will be mad at you about. Stand your ground and be her parent, not her friend. You shouldn't make decisions based on whether she will be happy with you or not. Make your decisions and put your foot down based on what is best for you daughter, even if she doesn't realise it right now. The best thing for her isn't always something she will be happy with.



On another note, however, I think you need to determine why she hates school so much. Does she not have friends? Is she struggling with class? Is she being bullied in some way? Is there a problem with a teacher? There aren't many kids who are overjoyed at going to school every day, but when they are finding ways to get out of going all the time, you do have to look further into the reasons why.

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Brenda - posted on 11/16/2011

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Thank you too Bonnie for your response. I know most of her behavior is typical teen stuff - but it's really hard to deal with sometimes. I'll welcome any advice.

Brenda - posted on 11/16/2011

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Thank you Jodi...I guess I know I have to not worry so much about her being mad at me - it's really hard though. She just changed schools this year because she was having trouble at her old school. She likes this new one much better. The kids are all nice to her and she does have friends. She never comes home saying she had a bad day. I've asked her if there is something going on as to why she doesn't want to go and she tells me everything is fine. I honestly just think she doesn't care about school at all. Wish there was some way to get thru to her how important school is.

Bonnie - posted on 11/16/2011

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She is obviously just angry because she isn't getting her way at this point. I agree with Jodi. There must be more to this; something bothering her at school. It likely has nothing to do with you.

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