any one here expecting, or has already had a second child? how did your child react?

Jessie - posted on 01/09/2012 ( 25 moms have responded )

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im really scared for my son. he kind of has an idea that there is a baby comin, but i think he is a bit jealous already, im already 15 weeks pregnant, we have days where he wakes up put his hand on my tummy and says "mummy our baby in there?" and i explain yes and so on, but other days i will be like, "Dylan where is our baby?" and he will just storm off. some one help me... how can i encourage good things about this little miracle?

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Kate CP - posted on 01/09/2012

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Make it fun for him. Ask him to help you pick out baby clothes and colors for the baby's room. Show him pictures of a baby inutero for each month of gestation and explain how the baby is growing inside you just like HE did. Ask him if he thinks the baby will have eyes like his or a nose like Daddy's? Will the baby's hair be the same color as Mommy's hair or does he think the baby will be *gasp* bald? Make it funny and exciting. But also make it realistic. Explain to him while you're folding baby clothes or putting together the crib that new babies are fun but they're a lot of work, too. There will be times when it seems like the new baby is getting ALL the attention but that's because the baby won't be able to do anything. The new baby won't be able to walk like a big boy, or eat big boy food, or watch movies/tv like a big boy.

My daughter is an AWESOME big sister. She's 5 and her baby brother will be 1 at the end of the month. Whenever I was pregnant with her I included her in everything. If some one asked about the baby I would look at Sam and say "Why don't you tell them, kiddo?" and she could rattle off as much info as me. She felt like a part of the excitement that way. When the baby arrived we made sure that some things remained JUST for Samantha and me or her daddy. She gets her bedtime story just her and Daddy, her bedtime song just her and Mommy. We'll watch a movie together just me and her and a bowl of popcorn while the baby naps. Right now she's playing a video game with her Daddy. She feels validated and loved...and like a member of a family. She LOVES her brother to pieces and we don't force sharing or affection. We praise her when she does it independently but we want her to feel love for her brother and not forced into it.

Jealousy is common with kids, especially if they are close in age. Try to keep him in the loop and that may help.

Chrystal - posted on 01/09/2012

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After our second baby came we had some behavior issues nothing major but a bit of jealousy. Now it's just really special to watch them together and the way their relationship is growing everyday. To get there I did a few things. I try to spend one on one with each child everyday so they don't have to compete for attention. My son loves to be the big boy so I always try to give him special big boy jobs that no one but him could do. I think the biggest thing that helped is I didn't make my son "like" his little sister. If he was mad because she was getting held I said "I know your mad mommy is holding Fey you can be mad" I tried to give him the words for his emotions and to let him know that I understood it was hard for him to share. If he didn't want anything to do with the baby that was fine. That worked great for us he could be upset and not like his sister for a few minutes and then as kids do get over it and come back to play with her all on his own; mommy wasn't making him and she wasn't the reason mommy got mad at him. Having a second baby is a change for everyone in the family and your son just needs time to figure out what it means for him and how he fits into the family. Your love and patience will get them through just fine and you'll be amazed when you see them playing on the floor together someday soon.

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Michaela - posted on 01/12/2012

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I have the same problem some days my little boys asks about the baby and other days he say he doesn't want to b a big brother I just incoreage him on the good days and ignore the bad my sons 3 and I just see how he is on the day but I involve him in things like but bottles and nappies and he likes that so I go with that

Jessica - posted on 01/12/2012

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Neither of my boys were jealous when a new sibling arrived. My youngest boy was a little confused during my pregnancy with my daughter, but when she arrived he just fell in love with her. He kisses her all the time, says hi to her when she wakes up and when she's looking at him, he helps with diaper changes, even tries to take over feedings lol During the pregnancy though, a few times he was a little upset about a baby being in mom's belly cause I couldnt pick him up or do any of the things I could before. But Im sure he will adjust in his time, don't force it on him. And like others said, include him in as much as you can, and make him feel like he is still a big part of things and that the big brother role is very important :)

Kim - posted on 01/12/2012

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ah Jessie hang in there unfortuatly they will break your heart at some point just wait til the first time they say "I dont love you" or "I hate you" it kills you everytime but you have to remember they dont really mean it they just dont have the vocab to say it any other way. I'm sure he will be a great big brother so dont worry to much.My son is now 7yr and my daughter 3yr and they love each other so much but they do annoy the living daylights out of each other to LOL

Jessie - posted on 01/11/2012

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wow, lots of good advice here, thankyou all so much, i will try my hardest to keep him in the loop. if he is ever pset it will just break my heart. thanks all

Desiree - posted on 01/11/2012

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I was 6 and my brother was 5 when our mum got pregnant again, and my brother who's used to being youngest and spoilt was extremely jealous. He threw tantrums, threw the baby clothes my mum had prepared and at one point he even punched my mum in the stomach. Although they were quite taken aback with his extreme behaviour, my parents didn't react negatively, and instead sat down with him, paid attention to him more, and eventually he came to like the idea of being a big brother, and became excited about it.

Kim - posted on 01/11/2012

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yep agree with the above post, my son was just over 3yr when I got pregnant with my daughter he loved coming to the ultrasounds and seeing the baby on the tv he was given a book about being a big brother from a friend, I had bad morning sickness in the begining and he loved being the big boy who looked after mummy (it was very sweet), I also let him help me pick out clothes for the baby, just keep reminding him he will always be your special boy and keep involving him but you will know when he has had enough and give it a break if he walks off just leave the baby talk and focus on him for a while. My son is 7 and 1/2 and I still make sure during school hols that I put my daughter into daycare for a day (occassional care is perfect) and we have a day just for the two of us and he gets to choose what he wants to do and where he wants to have lunch, they like to feel special (dont we all). He will be fine so try not to stress to much or he will pick up on that enjoy it and he will to good luck :0)

Faye - posted on 01/11/2012

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Follow the previous posters advise and also check into the Big Sib, Little Sib class at the hospital or community center.

Ours was about 2 hours long on a Saturday. My daughter was taught to always wash her hands before she asked to hold the baby. She was also taught that she had to sit with the baby and let mom or dad hand baby over to her. Also to never carry the baby.

The last part was to show the big kids where mom and baby would be in the hospital.

I think our class cost was $15 but that was 17 years ago. We took the class about 4 weeks before due date. In the weeks after the class she would have me help her "play" holding the baby, (we used one of her baby dolls that was designed to be filled with water to give the feel and weight of a newborn.)

After brother was born, we also had her choose his clothes for the day. I would choose 2 or 3 outfits and then let her choose from those. I had her bring me the wipes and clean diapers. I asked her to pass him his teething ring when that time came.

Jennifer - posted on 01/11/2012

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My oldest daughter was 14 mos old when I got pregnant with my second. There were times she was excited about having a new sibling then other times she ignored it and acted like it wasn't happening. I don't know how old your son Dylan is, but if I were you I would try to make it was much as an enjoyable experience for him as possible. You can explain to him that pretty soon he is going to be the "big brother" and he will have a sense of entitlement and responsibility that he hasn't had before. You can also let him join in the process by asking him what he thinks a good name for the baby would be and he can help you decorate the nursery when its time. Good luck to you and your family :)

Nicole - posted on 01/11/2012

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I don't know how old your little man is but I am in a similar situation. I am 10wks and I have an 18th month old (and 11 yr old). I don't know if your son is actually angry about the thought of the baby but maybe he gets frustrated because he has no idea where the baby is...obviously this is only an idea based on what you have written. I have asked my daughter the same thing and she looks around the house for "the baby". Although we found this to be kind of cute I won't continue to ask her this since I believe it is confusing for her. I would agree with some of the other suggestions here and have him help get ready for the arrival of the baby and make sure he knows how special his part is as being a big brother. And how special he is to you. I think the hardest part is making sure that he understands that he is still loved just as much as ever even though there will be a new baby at home. Good luck with your pregnancy and the months to come :)

Zipporah - posted on 01/11/2012

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No worries... He might be a little jealous at first but he will warm up to the idea and become a great helper and play mate for the new baby. I have been through this a few times as I am on baby number 4 now lol
Good luck and congrats

Sarah - posted on 01/11/2012

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Aww he will do great, when I had my son my daughter was 19 months old, she was a little quiet at first, but she just wanted to see the baby and touch him, she became my little helper and now that my son is over a year they are best buds, love eachother so much!

Kayla - posted on 01/11/2012

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I've had a second child. She's now almost 6 months old. My older daughter was about to turn 4 wen I had her. Throughout my whole pregnancy, my then 3 year old would always ask momme "Mommy is the baby coming now"? At first she didn't understand when we told her, but when she seen my belly start to grow, she wanted to know more and I just explained to her that she is going to be a big sister soon. Wheen the baby was delivered, she was too excited and wanted to hold her right away! I think you should just sit him down and explain to him that he is gonna be a big brother soon. Sometimes it helps them out a lot when you tell them they're going to be a big brother or sister.

Ashley - posted on 01/11/2012

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Agree with all of the above posts. My daughter was 2 when my son was born: I got her her own 'baby' to bring home from the hospital when I brought my son home in a toy baby capsule (I have this fantastic picture of her and I walking down the corridor out the hospital with her carrying her 'baby' and me carrying mine!) - I told her it was a present from her baby brother. This really helped as he and I were getting a lot of presents in the hospital, so at least she got something too. Also, when I was feeding with my son I had a box of special things for her to do (reading, drawing, etc) that she could do quietly nearby and we used it as a good time for storytime. She also used to sit there 'feeding' her 'baby' with me!

Shannon - posted on 01/10/2012

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I agree with all of the comments above (reading books, helping pick out things for the new baby, decorating...etc), but I have to say the best thing I ever did was have a "special big brother present" ready (as well as ask those in my immediate family to provide something small). This way, once my new addition was born my older children were also fussed over and felt special too.

Nicole - posted on 01/10/2012

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My older daughter turned 3 in August and her sister was born in October. While I was pregnant we read books to her about being a big sister and talked to her a lot about what to expect when her sister arrived. We also let her help get the baby's room ready. She loves stuffed animals so we let her pick out a new one for herself and for her sister shortly before her sister was born. When the baby was born my parents, who live in another state, came and took care of her. They brought her to the hospital twice a day the entire time I was there. Once we were home we gave her responsibilities to help with the baby such as getting a diaper for her, finding her paci or a blanket, or turning on her swing. This made our older child feel responsible and helpful. I also made sure that when the baby was napping I spent time with my older child to let her know she is still important to us and we still love her. She has had moments of jealousy, but is also protective of her sister and wants others to know that the baby is her sister. Just remember to be patient and offer moments for your older child to bond with the baby. I have loved watching my girls together the last three months and just keep hoping the bond they have now continues.

Alexandra - posted on 01/10/2012

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I would read books about being a big brother, five minutes a day. He is curious about the baby for sure. Let's make this arrival an interesting and loving thing for him too! Let him prepare th diapers, prepare the room, scribble on the baby book, buy onesies, let him be involved in everything except the birth plan, haha. Just don't overwhelm him if you feel he is getting tired of all this. Congratulations!

Fran - posted on 01/10/2012

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Go to the library and get age appropriate childrens books to read to your son. You might want to get a parenting book for yourself that addresses the situation. Dont be afraid to ask the reference librarian for help. Librarians are trained to answer all types of questions. You have to accept that there will be jealousy. It's normal. I have a feeling that any mother of more tha one can write a book on it. You care and are aware of your sons feelings. That suggests that he will be ok

Janice - posted on 01/10/2012

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My son was just born 5.5 weeks ago and I too was nervous about my daughter's reaction but it has been pretty good. When I was pregnant we talked about baby brother all the time. Some days she would just come up and kiss my belly while others she wasn't interested at all. She loves books so we got a book about being a big sister. She chose it at bedtime quite often. At the end of the pregnancy we would both yell "come out brother" to my belly. :) She turned 2 only a month before brother arrived and we werent sure if she really got it but when she came to the hospital she saw him and my flatter belly and said "baby out" and immediately started bringing stuffed animals to him. Over the past few weeks her tantrums have increased a bit but overall the transition has been good.
Just keep talking about the baby and keep him involved and he will be fine. A book may help too, I know for my daughter it did. Congrats on #2 :)

Katherine - posted on 01/09/2012

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I agree with Brianna. Take him to some doctor's appointments where he can see the baby. I did with my daughter. Get him involved in the nursery and picking things out.
He will adjust trust me.

Brianna - posted on 01/09/2012

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try to get him involed in dr appt or picking things out for the baby so he gets excited

Amy - posted on 01/09/2012

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There is 4 years between my oldest and youngest, my son had just turned 4 when we brought his sister home from the hospital. We did the same things Katherine did. He went to every single doctors appointment with us, he helped pick a theme for the babies room, he picked the color of the room, he even had veto powers on the name and he ultimately decided on her name. I wanted him involved as much as possible because I didn't want him to hate his sister the minute she came home from the hospital they have a lifetime for that, lol. But you have to keep it in perspective too, letting him know that there will be times where it seems like the babies needs always come first but let him know that he will get special time each day.

For two weeks after my daughter was born my mother stayed with us, my son absolutely adores her so he had lots of special grammie time. He also got individual time with daddy and mommy everyday. Many of my friends know that we were very concerned how my son would react since he had been an only child/grandchild for 4 years, and my friends were awesome almost all of them who bought something for the baby bought something for him. People coming to visit acknowledged him first before anyone else and he loved the attention. Don't get me wrong it wasn't all sunshine, he was a poor sleeper so it was rough going for awhile with the baby waking at night but we sorted it out. Our pediatrician also warned us that he may be lovey with her one minute and trying to hit her upside the head the next (it didn't happen) but apparently it's common. Our pediatrician was also really good about including our son in our daughters appointments by reiterating the rules of what was allowed and what wasn't. Good luck!

Sherri - posted on 01/09/2012

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My first 2 are 18mo's apart. My oldest handled it great, he loved it. The big thing is just include them in helping to get things ready. It is so different to get the concept before the baby is actually here. Once baby arrives is when they really learn to adapt and usually do great.

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