any other moms have experience with the death of your childs father?

Sara - posted on 03/05/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My daughters father passed away when she was 4. She's 12 now and continues to miss him severely. She will cry @ times like it just happened yesterday. I have had her in therapy, introduced her to another little girl her age whose father also had passed away. Both helped, but I can't help but feel like there's something more I could do. Anyone with experience with this type of situation? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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Sarah - posted on 08/14/2013

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hi ya my five year old daughter has just loss her dad 2months ago we where not together as a couple we still had a very close releship it was a big shock as it was so sudden in his sleep my daughter was very close to him and goes to his grave twice a week but his family are takin her stuff of the grave again they phoned nd told me bout wot was stayin on it there quiet alot on it as he was very popular i agreed there was to much but not there pushin my daughter away tellin her she cant do that nd she cant do that its breakin her we heart but there keeping all there stuff on but my daughters not allowed does anyone know wot rights my daughter has cos his name on her birth ceriet nd paid child mantance she is his only child so wuld my child not have just as much rites by law that his mother who hasnt paid any thing of his furnel im really hope some! can give me some advice pls.....

User - posted on 10/16/2012

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My daughters father passed away when I was 7 months pregnant and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions since then. Even though we had our up's and downs he was very excited to meet her. She is now three months and not a day goes by that I dont break down and cry...It's ruff seeing her beautiful face and seeing her mildstones everyday and he's never going to be able to see that..It's not fair but I pray alot but I dont think it ever gets any easier..Now that the holidays are near it's really starting to hit me hard

Lisa - posted on 05/10/2012

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My daughter never her father, she is now 6. He passed away just this December. She is also in therapy, she kind of has some mixed emotions about the whole thing. Sometimes she will tell me she has a gaurdian angel in heaven.. other times she tells me she didnt like him anyway because he was mean to us.. Its hard and sometimes I wonder how she will feel about it when she gets older...

Misty - posted on 03/05/2009

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My hubby died in 2004 - we had two children.  Elijah was 4 and Mikala was 7.  He is the same way!  We try to talk about his dad as much as possible, I even had him a DVD slideshow made for Christmas with pics of his dad.  NEVER discourage your daughter from talking or even crying over her dad.  Our therapist said that you worry when they don't share their emotions.  He is on Zoloft for depression and anxiety, which I'm hoping with counseling we can discontinue SOON!  Time will heal them just as it has us - they were so young to have to experience such a huge loss!  Most 4 year olds have no idea what death is - ours weren't so lucky.  Fathers Day is horrible....but I have remarried and he takes a huge interest in my children, that has made a bigger difference than all the meds and counseling ever could.  Good luck to you!



 

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My situation is a little different - my daughter had never met her father, I was saving that until she was older.   He passed away when she was 8 years old.    I beleived she had the right to know, so I let her know.   Even though she never met him, she still took it hard, I believe because of the "fantasy father" idea she had, and that fact that she knew he was out there and she would eventually meet him, and then that hope was shattered.    She's almost 14 now and knows about him, our relationship and has pictures of him.    It seems to bring some comfort to her when I tell her stories about when we were teenagers and dating in high school, it seems to make him more real for her.    Sorry this is no help, it's just my experience.

Lucy - posted on 03/05/2009

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Hi Sara...yes I have. My youngest son lost his dad when he was 10 months old. Funny you posted this today. My son is now 8 years old. Just this year I put him in counseling and it's been helping him. Just tuesday night he had a major crying session over losing him. It was the hardest thing to see yet I knew it was healing for him.



Do you go to therapy with her? What does she say when she's crying or does she say anything?



Grieving is so different for every person. I know for my son it was almost his identity. We talk often about his father.It's lessoned over time. Maybe she's "stuck" in her grieving process?



For him I just allowed him to talk about his father as much as he needed to. We'd talk about things that he did with him when he was alive. We talke about the silly things his dad did...etc. This past Tuesday when he had his breakdown I just hugged him, cried with him acknowledging the pain because I do felt the same way.



Lots of prayer has worked for us. I went for help when I lost Roy and I know it was God who helped me through it.



Hope this was helpful. As a parent it's hard to sit there and see them in such pain.

Staci - posted on 03/05/2009

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Sara..my name is Staci and my daughter has really never met her dad before. In 2006 we found out that he was sick, however he didn't want her to see him that way. He passed away last August, she was so sad...cried...looked at his pictures..she was so upset that she never had a chance to bond with him. So we spent alot of time together. I was telling her about her dad, let her re-read his obituary to try to understand him. She went to his family to try to get some closure. I made her aware that she will have me to be there with her thru this and that anytime she wants to talk, cry etc she can do that. The most important part of her home therapy was Prayer. As of today she is doing so much better. There is a boon a Barnes & Nobles "How to deal with the lost of a parent." That helped me when I lost my grandfather..

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