Any single moms out there raising a toddler by yourself
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I am a happy single mom with a 31/2 year old! and being a single parent, though difficult, was a wise decision for me and for my daughter. We are having the time of our lives together which I don't think would have been possible with father in picture. I have help from friends, family, neighbors...and I speak for myself and daughter when I say we are doing just great!
Claire - posted on 01/24/2010
My name is Claire and I have a 22 month old daughter who has just started her first year of preschool. I have been a single mother since before she was born and although I have missed the support and companionship that a spouse gives, I have come to the conclusion that I am a better and happier mother for it. i know from personal experience that there will be tough times and times when you feel like you just cannot do it anymore, but believe me those times pass and you will realise that you are happier for it.
If you have any questions for me I would love to answer them. My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Good luck and all my love,
Lori - posted on 01/23/2010
Have you heard the saying 'it takes a village?' With a great support staff behind you (family & friends) to help out. Your child can lead a very normal life being raised by you alone. Just don't be afraid to ask for help. Raised 2 children for many years alone because their father was not father material. But family meant everything to me. And with a girl and a boy to raise, I needed male family members to help with male bonding events for my son. Never regretted it to this day. Good luck!
I was a single mom since my son was born until he was 1, but have remarried a wonderful man and have a daughter with him.
I think the hardest part was having to leave my child to work for money. I was lucky that my parents gave me some money to invest in my creative ideas for moneymaking that I could do at home.
I published a newsletter for moms and sold ads, I made herbal teas that I sold at the farmer's market, I sewed skirts, did tarot readings, taught bellydance and made money performing, cooked and babysat for people and occasionally worked at a catering company. I also kept a garden and a few chickens, which helped with food expenses.
I also connected with other mothers in the community that needed childcare, and whose values for parenting were similar to mine and we arranged to trade childcare so I didn't have a daycare expense and I knew my son was well cared for by another mother who was also able to breastfeed him when he needed (we both had been tested to be able to donate breastmilk).
I was only 20, too, and it remains in my memory a good and empowering time, in which I really had to be strong, have a good attitude, and learn to love and care for myself.
Michele - posted on 01/22/2010
Have to talked to your husband about how you feel? I know it can be hard to discuss these things, but do try.
Have you made a list of pros and cons, for leaving or staying?
Obviously if he is abusive in any way then do leave.
I left my partner aged 18, pregnant with my daughter and with my 1 year old son in my arms- it was the toughest time of my life! I had no-one but my children. It helps to find others- do you have family or friends that can help you? You could join mums and tots group and gain friends and help each other- this really helped me, be open to various ages of friends, I was friends with grannies, mums, aunties, teen mums.
It was better on my own than living with an abusive partner- much better! I had so much fun with my children as well as lots of tears, and we are very close.
2 years later I met a man, a year after that, we got engaged and shortly after we moved in together, and even though my husband and I make mistakes and upset each other, it would hurt us both to be separated, we've been together for 8 years. Maybe your husband has no idea what's happening with you and he needs a wake-up call, so wake him up! Marriage can be tough but if you love each each other, never stop fighting for it!
There is hope, always believe that.
Hi, i was left on my own to raise my little girl aged 2, she is now 6 and a bundle of joy.i had to go back to work and find childcare at the same time, it is difficult but possible, be strong and i hope you have a good family network around you to take the stress off yourself from time to time. You need to be happy to enable the kids to be happy so go for it M8 and all the best and much luck in the world. We women are strong and can adapt to all situations so i am sure you will be fine. You have us here to help also so dont forget that. Take care and please be happy. Xxx
Jodi - posted on 01/20/2010
you know, I had a bit more of a think about this. It has been a long time since I was a single mother, so sometimes I guess things just get forgotten. But in all honesty, if your husband is as bad as mine was, in many ways, it was EASIER being a single parent, than it was being a parent with a husband who was a total immature brat himself :) It was almost as bad as having another 2 children on my hands!!!
Debbie - posted on 01/20/2010
I was a single mom for two years, probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. You are right though, you cant stay in a marriage for the kids, that is not only bad for you but children pick up on things and you would rather them have happy seperated parents then parents that fight all the time. I must admit that being the only parent to my first two children for a while not only gave me invaluable strength and knowlege but bonded us in a way I dont think would have happened if my ex would have stayed around. You can do it! I wish you the best!
Jodi - posted on 01/20/2010
My ex and I split when my son was just 2, and I raised him on my own totally until he was about 6, when I married my current husband. My ex hardly did anything for him, and when he left, for the first 6 months, probably only saw him about 4 or 5 times for a few hours here and there. I have no family nearby, and because we'd not long moved to a different city, I had no really close friends either, so I really was on my own. I know how difficult it is, but it is possible. My son is now a healthy and happy 12 year old (just about to start high school - my baby is growing up!!), and we are very close. As difficult as it is, it is rewarding :)
As you have not shared details of your marriage, I am not sure of your circumstances, but just remember that marriages go through peaks and troughs. We all have difficult times in our relationships, it really just depends on how we handle it. In my previous marriage, things were bad, and my ex refused to go to counselling with me for us to get help, which is equivalent to not being willing to work on the problems. I reached a dead end :) If that is the case, then I totally understand your issue.
Gwen - posted on 01/20/2010
Yes. My daughter is 22 months old. Her father left a month before she was born and rarely sees her.
It is challenging as a single parent, but there are also advantages :-) No arguments about bedtime, money, birthday gifts..you can do whatever you want in your home!
It's really made me prioritize. Is it more important to have my house perfectly clean, or spend the time playing with my daughter? I choose her.
If the father has visitation, always, always, always act in your child's best interest. It is not worth fighting to prove who's right. No one wins. So what if it's supposed to be "your" weekend, if he wants to take your child to a birthday party, let them go! Children thrive when they have the acceptance and stability of 2 parents who can act like mature adults.
This being said, seek some counseling, a church, a support group...don't give up on your marriage too easily!!! Work REALLY hard before you decide to walk away (unless there's abuse). Marriages have ups and downs - ESPECIALLY after the birth of a child. It has a huge impact on your relationships and hormones.
You said that "life is not going so well." I don't know the details of your marriage, but life can go "not so well" when you are single too. I believe happiness is a state of mind that you choose. My life has had some pretty crappy times , but no matter what, I always CHOSE to be happy.
It's hard no matter what. I wish you the best in your decision.
Anqueenio - posted on 01/19/2010
i agree with Danielle it is very hard but being in a unhappy marriage just for the child's sake often do them a lot more harm than good. A child is scarred for life to hear his/her parents fighting all the time. i left my baby"s father when he was just a couple months old but he is as happy as any child can be. I am very fortunate to have very supportive parents who adore my son and family and friends. they make everything much easier. im still single and would think very carefully before committing again because my sons happiness is worth more than being with a man who doesnt love me.
Danielle - posted on 01/19/2010
HELL YES it's hard..i believe being a single mum is the HARDEST thing in the world!
I left my daughters father when she was only 3 months old ( i was only 20) and moved out on my own, after only 2 visitations he gave her 2nd degree burns and so i went to court and now have full custody.
My daughter is now 18 months old and i am still single. The hardest part for me was NOT having the luxury to chose to go back to work, i had no choice. Although i only work 2-3 days a week it KILLS me. Also i havent had any contact with my ex or his family since she was 3 months old. its hard knowing that one set of her grandparents want nothing to do with their own flesh and blood...
its hard stuggling week to week to have enough money to feed us and keep a roof over our heads.
Its hard not having someone there to share in the joy of my daughter and sharing "special"moments with someone when my daughter did things for the first time.
its hard knowing i am only 21 and a single mum ( didnt plan my life that way) and sometimes i feel like my life is already over, i dont go out very often, i dont see my friends very often..its hard.
and it SUCKS always having to be the bad guy with my daughter :(..i want to be the good guy sometimes......
HOWEVER i wouldnt change it for the world, my daughter is my world and i cant imagine my life without her :)...we are closer then anyother parents are to their children that i know. We are soo intune to each others thoughts and feelings :)..we are our own special unit and i LOVE it.
Times can be soo tough but my daughter is my reward at the end of the day :)..Every night i sneak into her room and i look in on her and i see her sleeping like an angel and i know in my heart i have made the right decision. My daughter is loved, happy and safe :)....
Do whats right for you, if you and ur husband have tried EVERYTHING then there is no point in continuing just for the sake of a child. You and ur child will ( and ur husband) end up happier in the end :)
Kirsty - posted on 01/19/2010
My son is 3 yrs old. The father has never helped dosen't even see him. I do everything on my own it is hard work. I am lucky 2 have some help from friends. I love my son so much he is everything to me. Hope everything goes well for you.
April - posted on 01/19/2010
I dont find it difficult at all, my daughter is 18 months now and besides occasional visits from her father I raise her on my own. My own mother raised me and my brother by herself so I knew I could do it as well. It gets lonely I'll admit but I would not trade my daughter for any man on earth =)
Chloe - posted on 01/19/2010
hey iam not single but it feel like it my son dad is away all week working he home 1 and half days a week and i still do everything myself raiseing my son on my own it strating to get to hard on me as i dont have the help or anything i ove my son so much but i need so mummy time too
Medic - posted on 01/19/2010
I was a single parent....and then when I remarried he got sent to Iraq so it was just my son and me till my son was 26 months. I had fun and loved every minute of it. My son just had to learn how to help me. ie: he put his folded clothes away he helped put clothes in the wash and put dishes in the sink. Just little things that helped me and let me have more time with him. I always told him that I loved him and explained to him that mommy had to work for what we had and that ment he had to go to school. I personally never once felt it was too hard or a burden.
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