Anyone agree?

Chana - posted on 03/04/2015 ( 15 moms have responded )

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This is a great site that I found about 2 years ago when I was looking for information on breastfeeding. I have gotten a lot of good tips, advice and helpful information. I also like to think that I have given some of the same. It is my thought that if I can help someone by sharing something with them that works for me or that I have learned either through my life, my work or my education it is a blessing. That being said I stopped coming to this sight awhile ago because it seems like there are always a few people, regardless of what community you are posting in, that are looking for something that they don't agree with or they think is wrong or even goes against what they believe just to make others feel bad about themselves or to make themselves feel better. I am not sure which. I came back to this site about a week ago and again have ran into the same issue. I was going to stop coming again but like I said previously I have gained a lot from other moms and think I have helped someone out there. I decided that a few individuals should not keep me from a great site. Does anyone agree with me?

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Gena - posted on 03/06/2015

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In South Africa we also use the word nappy for a diaper. I have been called a racist for using the word coloured,but in South Africa they are called coloureds. I wrote something about my coloured friends and the woman totaly turned crazy on me for using that word. I tried to explain that it is NOT a racist word and that she should google south africa coloureds. I took that personal because they are my friends and she was basicly telling me i am a racist. Then why would i be friends with them? It didnt make sense. I think the only problem was that she did not know about the culture and thought i was offending (my own friends) by using the word coloureds. She told me not to use that word anymore and i wont on an international site because i dont want to offend anybody.
I have gotten very helpful advice on this site and i am happy if i can give a mother good advice. The trolls and love guru spells are annoying though! And its difficult to delete all of the posts when there are so many and we have to delete one by one.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/06/2015

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I think Raye hit the nail on the head with one aspect of this

"I've seen a lot of OP's who take offense to the responses they receive because it wasn't what they wanted to hear. They wanted validation and got criticized instead."

This happened just yesterday to myself. It is VERY clear when people want to only hear one response to validate themselves, and becomes abundantly MORE clear when name throwing commences, or saying someone is being judgmental, criticizing, or "you don't know me" (well no fucking duh!) This drives me up the wall because if you are posting a question, expect answers from whoever finds that thread interesting. In fact, feel honored that someone came to your thread and wanted to offer some insight or real life advice......truth be told. Also, those that try to dictate who can post on what thread....thats always interesting.....to say the least.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/05/2015

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Although what Jodi is saying is true, so is your description of the site. Tone definitely can be misinterpreted on this site frequently, but sometimes it is just blatant rudeness, or argumentative responses. I have seen it plenty of times in both instances, and have become victim or instigator of both. Sometimes this site can bring out the worst in people, but I have also seen it bring out the best.

Debating is fun, and can also send tempers flying. Often times the OP is not looking for a debate, but often times that is how it ends up. This site is international, which means there are many walks of life in here. This includes religion, race, culture, and more which can send tempers out of control at times with disagreement.

This site can be extremely helpful and frustrating at the same time, for a variety of reasons including but not exclusive to lack of true management.

If you see things that are unfair, solicitations, or what you would consider hurtful or whatever, please flag posts. Moderators and Admins are volunteers and we try our best to maintain this site. There are few of us left due to the way management has abandoned this site though.

Good luck, and I hope you find what you are looking for in this site.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

Jodi - posted on 03/05/2015

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I think sometimes people try to read tone into posts and forget it is an international site full of people from different cultures. Culturally, we all word things differently and we have to learn not to take too much offence to what is said. You simply CAN'T read tone. Also, remember that words on a page can also be interpreted differently (to have a different meaning). It is easy to do. It doesn't necessarily mean anyone is giving you a hard time or trying to make you feel bad.

Just as an example, I saw someone have a go at someone else for using the term "nappy" because she misinterpreted what the poster was asking and had never seen the term "nappy" before. She thought it was being used offensively. I had to explain to her that it was actually a British and Australian (and I'm sure other nationalities too) term for diaper. She had no idea because she had never heard the term used before.

There are also words we all culturally use differently, so even though some words are common language, we do actually use them and interpret them differently.

Anyway, just shedding some light on my experiences :)

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KeepingupwiththeRobles - posted on 03/09/2015

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Raye, ugh!!!!!!! What is wrong with these women. I will think about posting.. Thank you for your comment .

Raye - posted on 03/09/2015

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Keepingup, you should still post your question. I'm a step-mom who'd love to bitch about the crazy ex-wife.

KeepingupwiththeRobles - posted on 03/07/2015

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I was hoping that this site was going to be more uplifting . Instead I have seen a lot of criticism on a lot of posts that I read. I find that there are the few people on here who seem to be frequent offenders of harsh criticism on several post that I read. I like some of the post and responses that I see but for the most people I am dumb founded by other responses that people can be so judgmental and bluntly rude. I originally came on here to get some advice about dealing with an ex wife who gets crazier by the year for no absolute reason but I will not even write a post for opinions after the comments that I've seen. I wonder when it became okay for women to attack each other and not uplift one another. Happy Saturday!

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2015

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I as well, have fallen into both categories. I take things too personally and get defensive. I have also had advice slammed been told I am judgmental as well. My most frustrating experience to date was getting sucked into an extensive conversation with someone who was trolling. The post appeared legit, and I communicated with the OP at length. It was just by chance that I happened to find the same person posting on a different thread information that proved I had wasted my time and energy in trying to help someone. I don't wan to leave the site in favor of one you pay for, but I wonder if that cuts down the kids and the trolling.

Raye - posted on 03/06/2015

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I admit to having received responses to one of my questions that I personally took offense to at the time. I resented what I felt was hurtful commentary. But the more I thought about it after the fact, the more I realized that the person's opinion was 1) just an opinion and we didn't have to agree with each other, and 2) they weren't necessarily wrong. I did end up changing my approach to a situation at home because of it, and I feel that I am better off for having listened to something I initially disagreed with. So, you never know when a different opinion will actually turn out to be helpful.

I've seen a lot of OP's who take offense to the responses they receive because it wasn't what they wanted to hear. They wanted validation and got criticized instead. Some criticism can be helpful if it helps you gain a different perspective on a situation and (hopefully) help you make better decisions. Or it can help you firm up your own beliefs so that you take action instead of continuing to question what to do. I've seen it go both ways.

Jodi - posted on 03/05/2015

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LOL, Trisha. I would never name names, but I also understood where you were coming from :) But I assure you, you aren't the only one. There are so many words we use differently. I had someone get upset with me calling a pacifier/binky a dummy because they thought I was saying something else.

I think its also important to realise that English is not everyone's first language. Sometimes posts can be difficult to understand because of that.

I will admit, however, I have very little tolerance for trying to decipher "text speak". That drives me nuts and I usually just give up, letting them know I won't waste my time on someone who can't write in actual words and sentences.

Jodi - posted on 03/05/2015

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I will also add that sometimes there are just some downright stupid trolling questions too....so the responses will appear harsh to someone who hasn't been around much, but I can smell troll. So can a number of others. Some people just have too much time on their hands, deliberately trolling mother's sites.

Chana - posted on 03/05/2015

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I never really thought about it like that but now that you said it does make sense to me. Even the way you write something, all caps, some caps, etc. can be read wrong and if you read something and it comes across to you as negative, hurtful, offensive then you are going to get defensive. I think that is just human nature. I don't know why I didn't think about that because I have not lived a sheltered life. By no means am I a world traveler but I have been outside of my immediate area and I attended a college with a variety of students. All I can say is thanks Jodi and I just didn't think about.

Chana - posted on 03/05/2015

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Thanks at least it's just not me. My husband says sometimes I take things too personally. I don't know if people are just looking for an argument, if they don't read completely, just read what they want to read or what but still like the site.

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