Angela - posted on 01/29/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )
My baby's father has commonly mentioned things about me being unattractive, overweight, not sexually appealing to him. (I am 11 pounds thinner post-baby, and she did not have any after-affects on my body). He is obsessed with porn and watching other girls alot.
It's hard to go anywhere or go shopping with him. He excuses himself to go outside or to the bathroom to check other girls out. He ditches me and the kids in the checkout line if he sees some pretty girl standing somewhere. It just makes me feel sad and hurt.
(I've dated a lot of guys, and never had one look at girls 24/7 like he does when I am with him). Or ditch us somewhere in a public place to try to have a better look.
He moaned "Oh Michelle" 3 times last week when I rubbed his leg in the middle of the night, but claims he doesn't know anyone named Michelle.
He hadn't dated anyone in 7 years prior to me meeting him.
He has never had a girlfriend longer than 1 month his entire life.
He is not an overly attractive man, and lately stares at himself in the mirror in some weird vain way, like he thinks he is the sexiest man alive.
He is also working very closely with a married woman (with 3 young children) at work that is a lot older than him, but she calls him for help after work at times that she should be spending with her family (he eats up the flattery and sits and laughs for hours on the phone with her while he is helping her, even going outside in the snow with his computer so he is not in the house near me when they talk and giggle with each other). (Her name is not Michelle either).
He complains that the things I am doing sexually aren't what he likes, even though I do any special request that he asks of me, that he is too tired to make love in the morning (so I stopped initiating in the morning altogether). Complains that he has to cuddle with me while I'm sleeping and that I am interrupting his sleep by trying to cuddle at all. The cuddling at night, by the way, was one of the ONLY things that really set him apart from all other men, and essentially the major reason I stayed with him even though he treats me poorly sometimes).
He doesn't take me to do things anymore, leaves me at home with the baby so he can shop and run errands (he doesn't have a lot of time to do this, so I don't suspect he is cheating physically).
He makes a lot of effort with the kids and house chores and other things that make it seem he wants me around. He does cuddle and have sex and seems to enjoy it, but then the comments about me being unattractive, fat, etc.
I wonder if I should just let him find whatever it is he is fantasizing for.
I feel really couped up, just working and coming home to care for kids. I can't go out and have fun with him (nor do I really want to because he stares at other girls the whole time we are out instead of making eye contact and laughing with me).
I feel like he is taking away all of my favorite things about him (cuddling, going out together, the great sex we used to enjoy together, making love in the morning, all gone now...).
He is still interested, wants a relationship, makes plans for our future, is not cheating as far as I can tell, and wants to make love to me, but the comments are getting me so down that I don't feel attractive, don't want to make love, just want him to hurry and get it over with.
Due to all his complaints and subtle hints, I am just feeling depressed and resentful.
I have shared custody of 2 other children. I left their father because we went through the same things after the children were born.
Do all relationships get to this point?
Is this all I have to look forward to?
The other person always somehow growing unhappy and bored because you are viewed as a mommy and not a sexy woman anymore?
They stop doing fun things with you, leave you at home with the kids, fantasize about other women?