Anyone else having problems with their 16 year old daughter and school?

Sharon - posted on 11/01/2011 ( 202 moms have responded )

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My 16 year old isn't doing very well in school. She has very low grades in Math and Chemistry. She is supposed to go to tutoring in the mornings before school but seems to forget from the time she gets out of the car till her feet hit the pavement. I email her teachers and they say she hasn't done any of the things she is telling me. She will tell me that the teachers weren't in their classroom or she forgot, etc.. I have contacted the counselor and he has given me his cell phone number so that I can call him when we get to school, so that he may walk her to class. Does anyone have any suggestions on what else I can do maybe at home?

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Barbre - posted on 11/01/2011

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I am a single mom of a 14 year old boy and a 12 year old girl. My son is now a freshman in high school but he almost didn’t make it past the 8th grade! Last year, my son was failing the 8th grade and I did everything in my power to help him…just as you’re doing for your daughter now. I spoke with all of the teachers and the principal and lined things up for him and had the teachers give him the homework again if he lost it, etc. Anything and everything to set him up for success. By March, when there was only 3 ½ months left until he was supposed to graduate the 8th grade…I was completely exhausted, exasperated, and desperate because, even after everything I had done to help him succeed, he was still failing! That’s when I decided to try something very different…I stopped. I pulled myself back from the situation and decided I would approach it differently. I told my son that, from that moment on, if he was going to graduate with the rest of his friends…it was on him to do it. I told him that from that moment on, I was no longer involved with his teachers as far as trying to rescue him. I would no longer go to them on his behalf. If he had missed an assignment, he was to take care of getting it from his teacher himself. From that moment on, he would be responsible for his own success or failure. He did not believe me at first but as the weeks wore on I MADE myself stay back. I kept an eye on his grades thru the school (they have an online computer system named PowerSchool that allows you to log on daily to see their daily grades, if they handed in their homework, what they got on their tests or projects, etc.) So yes, I kept an eye on what he was doing but no matter what grades I saw, I continued staying back. It showed him that I had meant what I said and that it really was going to be up to him. Well, once he realized that he finally started reaching out to his teachers, he started doing the work, he made up tests or projects, he did everything he needed to do and by the time June arrived…he was able to graduate with the rest of his friends! (Thank god – LOL!) Trust me, I know what I am suggesting is going to be the most difficult thing you have ever had to do because, up until this point in time, as a parent, your job has been to help your child do the things they need to do in life. It has been your job to guide them and provide a good example for them and to punish or reward them when necessary. And you still need to do those things, but because your daughter is old enough now to accept the responsibility of her own success or failure…it is time for you to back off and see if all of your hard work at teaching her what is right and wrong and the things you taught her about responsibility and the things you taught her about getting the work done…it is time for you to back off and see if she learned from what you have taught her all of these years. Because of your extensive involvement in her day to day school work right now, you are sending her the message that you don’t trust her, you are sending her the message that you don’t think she can handle it by herself, you are sending her the message that, even though she is old enough to have the responsibility of a car, a cell phone, an MP3 player, etc…by your actions you are showing her that even though you trust her to be responsible with all of those things, you must not believe that she can be responsible for getting her work done on time, or being able to ask for help when she needs it. As parents, we do these things out of love, of course, but think about the messages you are sending to her. How would you feel right now, as an adult, if someone injected themselves into your daily life and started telling you that what you’re doing is wrong and you have to do it a different way and if you don’t then you will no longer get the privileges you have earned? I bet you would feel pretty crappy and start questioning your own intelligence and ability to handle things and then you would probably get angry at the person cause even if you knew they were doing it out of love, it doesn’t feel good to be treated as if you were 2 years old when you are really 16 or 23 or 41 or 52. Well, that’s probably exactly how your daughter feels and it sounds like she has completely given up because she knows no matter what she says you’re not going to listen to her anyway so why should she even bother? My suggestion? Let her find her own voice in school and at home with you. Start treating her like the adult she is trying so hard to become and recognize her efforts by praising her successes and her failures…because hey, at least she tried. Of course you should always have high expectations of her…but don’t make them unreachably high. And start focusing on the measure of her success/failures…meaning her report cards. Let that be the measure behind what privileges she loses or gains. At the beginning of the marking period or semester or school year, sit down with her and talk to her about what you expect of her for the school year and ask her what she thinks you should do if she comes home with any grades lower than a C. Let her be a part of the decision on what she loses or gains and remind her that she has to be reasonable and fair. And yes, make the rules by giving her guidelines to follow and be prepared to reward her successes as well as recognizing her failures (be general by saying anything lower then a C means you lose a privilege but all A’s will get you a $20 bill or a gift certificate to her favorite shopping place or …). Treat her as you would want to be treated and you will start to see an amazing difference in her attitude. By putting her own success or failure in her own hands you are telling her that you trust her, that you know she can do it, and that even if she doesn’t always succeed, you will still be there to help her no matter what…but the difference is that you won’t be doing it FOR her. I hope you will be able to back off a little bit and take some of the advice I have given you here today. It has made such an incredible difference in my relationship with my son. I am not his friend (that’s not the kind of relationship I want anyway) and I send him that message everyday by being involved in his school just enough to ask him about his day or which teachers he likes or what he had for lunch…but his school work is on him. And he knows that if he comes home with less than a C for any subject on his report card, then there will be consequences. But more importantly, he will have to deal with the consequences it creates for him at the school…not just the consequences he has to deal with at home…but either way he knows if he succeeds or fails…it’s because he chose to succeed or fail…not just because mom is going to take away his Ipod or his Xbox 360. Isn’t that how it works for you as an adult? If you decide to blow off work and you get fired because of it…is there anyone there to slap you on the wrist so you never do that again or isn’t the fact that you no longer have a source of income and now you have to find another job punishment enough? Let your child become (a little bit at a time) the adult you have been raising her to be. Let her take part in the decisions that affect her life and let her experience the consequences of her own bad choices. I guarantee you, within a few months, you will start to see a different person…someone that starts to treat herself and you with more respect. Good luck!!

Amanda - posted on 11/02/2011

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My best advice is let her fail. Parents sometimes get way into their childrens school business. It is not our job to make sure our children pass their classes, this is their job. It is clear this isnt because she doesnt understand the work its because she doesnt want to do the work. So allow her to fail, and let her deal with the responsiblities of having to redo those courses. Its time to allow your child to deal with personal responsiblities. What are you going to do when she goes to college and doesnt want to do the work? Hold her hand then too? Sometimes the best lesson in a childs/teens life is FAILURE.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/01/2011

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Oh man. This is a tricky one. Does she have her own car? It sounds like she may need to start loosing privileges. Instead of having tutoring at school, maybe you can schedule it for a time at home that you will be there to ensure she is doing it. Also, having a sit down with all her teachers, and principal to hash out a plan, then have her come and sit down with all of you and discuss it.

Shannon - posted on 11/07/2011

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Sit down with her and write out a vision for her. This has helped our 8 children from 7-17 see the importance in goals and planning for the future for higher education and accomplishing God's will for their lives. Let her share her heart what she feels God has put her on the planet to do and then help her write out her priorities, goals, and road map how to get there. Then when days are cloudy she look at her vision paper and draw strength from the vision God has given her.
Shannon Alford

Nelly - posted on 11/02/2011

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If your daughter enjoys computer time there is a website that can provide great home-based, at your own pace lessons for Math, science and many more subjects...and it is completely free... http://www.khanacademy.org/
my kids use it all the time and they have fun and learn at the same time. I hope she likes it and get motivated.

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Yvette - posted on 11/08/2011

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This is where being a parent has to come before everything else and you will have to walk her to tutoring in the mornings. She will hate it but she's your responsibility even when at school and it's not the counsellors responsibility to parent her. She really needs you at this age more you will ever know and it won't be until later in life that she will realise how much you were there for her.

Cheryl - posted on 11/08/2011

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I would see if all her other subjects have decent grades or average? If so then I feel that some kids either understand Maths/Chemistry or be almost blocked off from trying because their teacher cant get through to them to make them understand the concept. What is the class average for the subjects... take all that into account, but she must be taken to class and even have extra lessons after school as well to point out what exactly she doesnt understand.

Sandra - posted on 11/08/2011

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Just want to say that i had the same problem with my son. He always skipped classes, told me he handed in homework, said no one goes to class when they have a supply teacher, just everything not to go to school. I was at my wits end and told him that he needs to quit school and get a job if he isn't going to go anyway. He kept saying he wanted to stay in school, even though he hated it and never went. It all came to a head in late January of this year, when he was getting thrown out of school for never going to class. The principal gave him one other option which was to do a co op program and get his credits by working instead of going to school. He agreed to that because deep down he knew he wanted to graduate. So here we are 9 months later and he is getting an award at school for his complete turnaround in his attitude, marks and his acheivements. He never misses a day of work, even when sick, and he has decided he is going to college after he graduates. He is a totally different kid than he was 9 months ago. So my advise is that sometimes you have to be patient, let them fall and take responsability for their own actions, and sometimes you get lucky and they turn themselves around and make you so proud of them. Good luck to all of you still struggling with your teen!!!

Colleen - posted on 11/08/2011

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Tutoring should be done at a relaxed time. Weeknite orr weeken. Guidance
counselor needs to b more involved. Perhaps outside therapy can get her on track.

Lisa - posted on 11/08/2011

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Did you ask her why she may be avoiding the Tutor?? Is the tutor one of her school teachers? or a supply teacher?? or a Student?? perhaps there is an issue with the Tutor. Math and Science are Boring that's true... but if she has a really great person helping her out that she feels understands her and can relate to her she may be more willing to spend the Half Hour working on school work. I am not a big advocate of punishment but if it is simply a matter of discipline maybe you need to take something away from her for a while... TV, I phone, internet, hanging with friends after school... etc. until she can show you some improvement. If she dosent have an issue with discipline than I would find a way to talk to her because I think there may be a bigger issue. Sorry I couldn't be a lot more help. Best Wishes to you.

Sue - posted on 11/08/2011

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Such a huge number of replies on this one! Do you suppose it is possible to be a 14 to 17 year old girl and not be a pain in the butt? I don't think so! I certainly was. Thank the powers that be we all survived - and so did my daughter. I'm going to take a minute right now and be thankful my kids are no longer teenagers!

Elizabeth - posted on 11/08/2011

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I did the same thing with I was in fourth grade and my mom actually ended up home schooling me to keep an eye on me... Well I absolutly hated being at home all of the time so I decided that it was time to prove that I could go to public school again and do good in school. It may not be what you want to do but just tell her that if she dosent straighten up she will be home schooled it may work.

Hjholliday - posted on 11/08/2011

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Have you thought about a college visit? What does your teen want to be? I took my teen to a college visit and noticed a renewed focus on studies. It is something that we continually go back and forth on. I think they get overwhelmed and have a difficult time playing catch up.

So, my suggestion is to find out what interests her and help her figure out how to reach her goals. Do short term steps that she can see results right away, for example: help study for a quiz. Then work on the rest. Hope you have a lot of patients, you're gonna need them. It is a constant battle. Hopefully with a big reward! Good luck

Terrie - posted on 11/08/2011

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This is a tough situation, one I don't envy. I had a brother-in-law move in with me when he was 17 and I was 22. He was in grave jeapordy of failing his Sr year because of some home issues and his own failure to attend class, complete assignments, etc. My first step was to arrange a conference with all his teachers, the principal, and counselor. I explained what had been going on at home, why he was sleeping in class, why he had been skipping. I also explained he was now under my care & directed them to contact me (gave them all my contact numbers, work, home, etc.) should we have any issues. I explained to them I would take the responsibilty of walking him from the car to his first class. After that, I expected each teacher to be responsible for reporting to me the first moment he failed to arrive for the next class. The office staff was to monitor him from the last bell of the day until I came to the office to collect him. Then, he went back to work with me, sat in my office, and did not only current assigments but also past assignments (the staff had agreed to give him partial credit for past-due work). He was able to bring his grades up enough to graduate on time.

Now, this isn't practical for everyone. It probably wouldn't have worked if I hadn't placed myself directly between him and an extremely abusive father who'd just thrown the boy across the room and into a hardwood balustrade. But the boy respected me enough to put the work in at that time.

With my OWN child, an Aspy undiagnosed until age 16, we had horrible difficulty with schoolwork, starting in 7th grade. It continued until age 16, at which point we'd decided to try homeschooling, After a few months, we got the Aspergers dx and it really opened our eyes about what had been going on in her head and with her academics. Due to other dramatic health issues arising, we opted to continue homeschooling.

These are my experiences---neither is ideal, but there might be something you can use to improve the situation with your daughter. So sorry someone else is having to go through such difficulty!

Jaci - posted on 11/08/2011

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Sharon, it is most like that she is paying attention to "someone" else, or "something" else, this is usually the most common problem with children at this age, respectfully, 13 through 17/18, also - please don't feel that you are being disrespectful to look in her room/purse/phone, she is a child, and you have all the rights to get to the bottom of this, you have to put some pressure on, and be ready for the threats that will be said, and the guilt that will be made available to you - but hold tight and do your parental duties, please - hope all goes well

Roxanne - posted on 11/08/2011

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Eileen is right.... another thing that sometimes works for my daughter is embarrassment (as long as it is not demeaning) her mom sitting in on class would def be embarrassing, she may never miss a tutoring again, just to prevent you from showing up again. lol

User - posted on 11/08/2011

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You need to ground her. No computer, no telephone, no going to any friends houses, no having friends over. And maybe you should go to class with her for a whole day.
See how fast her attitude changes. You may have to take a day off from work, but it will be worth it. Tough love.

ShielaMarie - posted on 11/08/2011

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Chemistry is based on mathematical equations for the most part. In fact all sciences have math modeling that is part of the subject. So, if she is having trouble with math doesn't surprise me she is having trouble with especially chemistry. Physics is another science with math equations. First, each of us has our own talents and likes. She may be an exceptional writer or does well with digital design, etc. Second, each of these subjects has their own language. Science literacy is not inherent. Each is their own language and can seem very foreign. Each is learned in stages, hopefully, up the grade level. Some teachers are better than others in teaching literacy. But, also, if a child doesn't understand a definition, concept, theory, etc. that may be missed and the student doesn't say anything. And, that misunderstanding or not understanding grows exponentially as they go up the grade level. They may feel overwhelmed or feel embarrassed.

Here is a link for Kahn Academy online. It's emphasis is math and science. It is a tutorial site backed by the Gates Foundation. Your daughter may enjoy this site and do well with it. I highly recommend it. She will pump up her subject literacy as natural progression of the tutoring here. Dr. Kahn is young and relates well with kids. There are school districts in CA using this as a tool for their classrooms. Have fun and good luck.

Roxanne - posted on 11/08/2011

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Some of these answers seem like they arent even related to what your asking. Sometimes it can be hard for someone what your going through if they havent been through it. Coming from someone who as a child was defiant, a compulsive liar, always tried to fit in, didnt care about school, DID care about appearances it sounds like your daughter is usuing excuses to get you off her back and maybe she cares about her friends and her status more than her grades.... I try to stay on my daughter who is 13 and has been having major trouble with her grades since entering middle school. She has been diagnosed with ADD but I dont want her on meds. We have teacher conferences, where all her teachers, the counselor, my daughter and myself all come to agreement on what the plan will be (what days she will meet early with what teacher). You have to request this. That way once everyone is on the same page there can be no excuses (the teacher wasnt there, I forgot) she wont be able to lie when everyone is expecting the same thing from her. Cant she be dropped off before her peers arrive at school? Sounds like (if she truely is forgetting) that perhaps she is distracted by her friends and socializing. Honestly at her age its a little too late to try and change her ways, she may have to learn from her own failures from here on out (i did). It seems to help my daughter stay focused when I take away all privileges especially electronic one. This started out as a punishment, but we have learned it is what is best for her. During the week, there is NO tv, no cell phone, and computer is ONLY for school work and email. NO facebook! With all these distractions cut out she doesnt have much choice but to study or read or spend time with the family (good time to talk like someone else said) she wont like it at first but it will strengthen your relationship. She wll have more respect for you and rules, and she will spend more time with you building your relationship, and hopefully she will open up to you. You could always have her see a counselor too, sometimes teens are more likely to open to a stranger than their mom.

Ronda - posted on 11/08/2011

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sounds like something else might be going on with your daughter , i have 4 three of which are teenagers , i have found that if i get the one that is alone and maybe spend some one on one time with them , they tend to open up. High school is harder today then when we where in school. i have also found out through trial and error even though you may not feel so right now you are her best friend as well as mom. Dig deep and don't give up but you have to do it on her terms , i'm betting your gonna find out what a remarkable daughter you have , good luck and may God bless your family!

Elena - posted on 11/08/2011

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It sounds like your daughter might be hidding the fact that she isn't understanding the school work. Does your child get spec ed services or been been evaluated? If not, ask the school to do an evaluation., couldn't hurt. Even if your child does not qualify for spec ed service...there might be solutions to your daughters problems at school.

Lisa - posted on 11/08/2011

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I had a math anxiety when I was in school. Maybe she doesn't want her friends to see her go to tutoring or ask questions about it. Can you schedule something in your home at night while you are home? Also if she is getting tutoring from the teacher she is failing maybe he's not explaining things well. With math sometimes it takes the right teacher. Check out local college boards for tutors too. Good luck.

Cathy - posted on 11/08/2011

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have you had her tested for attention deficits. maybe she just cant comprehend or cant absorb the information. may need to enroll her in something to improve her memory skills.

Aeishah - posted on 11/08/2011

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It is what happens with teenagers and it sounds like she must not be focused. It will help to become tough on her and make sure she is doing the right thing even if you have to embarrass her a bit to get the point across. Like walking her to tutoring. It sounds like she is feeling independent but she may need direction on how to. This is a tough time in parent and children's lives and the common misconception is to leave your child to figure it out alone. this may be when she needs you the most.

Danielle - posted on 11/08/2011

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this sounds just like my 16yr old sister... she didn't care anymore, wasn't passing classes, she would do her homework at home, but wouldn't turn it in the next day (I still don't understand this one). Our mother had taken away privileges, grounded, ect.with no results. Now I do agree w/ others to let them fail, but this can backfire. We did it with my sister, and she did fail, didn't care, had to go to summer school (which she had to pay for). It didn't bother her that she wouldn't be graduating w/ her friends n classmates. Recently she has started seeing counslers and doctors and has been doing much better. We've still got to work on things, but it's become easier now that she has some low dose meds that help w/ anxiety, stress, depression. Your daughter could have some of the underlying problems, which are nothing to be ashamed of! Just something to keep in mind if handing over the reins doesn't work

Jacquie - posted on 11/08/2011

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Oh Sharon, I feel your pain. But micromanaging her won't work. I did that last year and she still failed many subjects. It turned out she was smoking pot. My daughter has add and she was self medicating. We finally got her on meds and she is doing much better. But her attitude stinks and she believes everyone and everything should revolve around her. Her math teacher told me last year to let her make her own mistakes, let her fail and she will have to take responsibility. If we constantly hold their hand, and call counselors, teachers, check up on them. Then they can blame us for their failure. She is closer to being an adult than being a child. when she gets a job will you walk her in?? We have to let go and let them figure it out a little bit. We can be there for them, but we can't control every part of them. Wishing you the best. Also, I am reading this book called "Teen-proofing" Fostering responsible decision making in your teenager. By. John rosemond. It has really helped.

Sue - posted on 11/08/2011

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My daughter also had lots of problems about this time with school. She was actually really bored and looking for other ways to exercise her intellect. That led to all sorts of unsavory activities, including drug use. My mom set up a time for her to visit a friend of hers who gave her philosophical works to read and they would spend an hour every Saturday discussing Rousseau and Descartes and subjects that were way over my head. I ended up sending her to the local Community College quite early. All of that only mitigated it slightly - some kids have to figure it all out for themselves and she was one. Talk to your daughter really heart to heart and listen hard to what she has to say. No judgment. Her life is completely different from yours. It's so hard to figure all this stuff out for both kid and parent! You might want to talk to a counselor for yourself to get some distance. Have fun! My daughter is now 21 and we talk about everything. I have nothing but respect for her experience and her mind.

Yvonne - posted on 11/08/2011

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I agree with Ditas Irene, Khan academy is your answer, do it with your child then the two of you can bond a bit it sounds as if there is a bit of distance between the two of you, at the University where I teach Khan academy is worked into the teaching program for diploma students. Well done nice advice!

Yvonne - posted on 11/08/2011

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Sit your child down and have a good chat over n coffe or cola, stay calm and ask your child to come up with a solution, take your child to the shelter or orphanage to help out a bit just to bring reality back into her life, Some people are not morning people and cannot function this early try to do the tutoring in the afternoon. Forgetfullness is common amogst 16 year olds, they develop at the pace of lightning bolts an must cope with emotional, body and physical change. Honestly maybe she is just not a math or chemistry person, tell her that you will be happy with a B. What career does she want to follow does she need this for Uni? I am a teacher and teach at a university and I have a 16 year old with learning difficulties. I hope my advice helps.

Jane - posted on 11/08/2011

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My daughter will be 16 in December. She is doing the Florida Virtual school online. She does as little as possible, before they threaten to kick her out of the class. I try to help her, but I am working full time and she spends a lot of time at her friends houses (she gets permission from her dad while I am at work). It's hard when they get this age. She wants to finish, she wants to graduate, but she just won't put the effort into it.

Tarryn - posted on 11/08/2011

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Ok firstly having your 16 year old walked into school by a counsellor, not a good move. She is likely to feel embarrassed by this and will only alienate her further. I have a 16 year old daughter who also wasn't doing so well, in fact she just didn't turn up to her end of year exam last year, not a move I supported when I was notified but instead of having her walked into school like an inmate, I talked to her about what was going on. As I opened the lines of communication with her she felt she could confide in me more and more. School isn't for everyone, it's an institution for those who do well in that environment, unfortunately we are not all the same. After a while my daughter told me she hated school do much that she wished to leave. Instead of lecturing her, which I could've done as I am pro school, I listened to her. Once I questioned her about what she would do if she left, we found a solution I could live with and that made her happy. So my advice? Talk to your daughter, I know it won't be easy but try to question her. Find out what it is she doesn't like about school and help figure what she does like. Focus on her passions then follow that path with her. Good luck.

Gillian - posted on 11/08/2011

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Does she have an ALN teacher? if not i think u need to see the school about a passport to succsess. We have been banging our heads for ages trying to get help in finding where he had problems in school

Gillian - posted on 11/08/2011

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Ask the school to do a passport to succsess for her she will go to the ALN department to start with and be given an aln support teacher who will go round her teachers with her and find out where she needs help from there she will get a plan drawn out

Adebola - posted on 11/07/2011

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Definitely remove some privileges and let the tutoring be in your own home. Good luck.

Kathy - posted on 11/07/2011

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A simular thing happened to me with my son in 9th grade. I later found out he was smoking pot so I did a urine analysis test and it confirmed my thoughts I was able to home school him but the drugs continued until he was busted. That was a real rude awakening for him and now he is clean and going to college so you may want to do a little test and research of your own to make sure it is not a problem with your child and their new behavior issues. I also had to remove all extra activities from him and keep him home until he decided to make the effort necessary to get his education completed Good luck it isnt easy but it can be done with consistency and tough love

Lisa - posted on 11/07/2011

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It sounds like she is refusing, being disobidient, not forgetting. Her poor grades are probably from her not being focused. She needs to spend her time doing her homework, more than once to be able to be successful. I would not allow her out until she masters her studies, weekends should be for getting organized and caught up on studies. She needs to be punished for her rebellion. She needs to know school is more important than anything else, if not she will not be successful.

Maureen - posted on 11/07/2011

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I might also suggest talking with her counselor possibly putting her in an easier math class may help her confidence and remove some of the stress so she can put more focus on the other classes she is having problems with. I wish I had done this last year

Maureen - posted on 11/07/2011

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My advice is to talk to her find out where the problem truly lies. I am guessing she is feeling overwhelmed and does not see a way to get back on track so why bother. this is what was happening with my daughter last year she had 1-A 1-B 2-C- and a D- this year we her responsible for talking with her teachers and staying on top of things she was put in a easier math class and it has made the world of change. As of 2 week ago she had 3-A's 3-B's and 1-C+
she is looking at colleges and talking about getting a part time job she hs found her confidence and knows how to get the help she needs from her teachers and counselors she has even started to tutor some of the students in her Math and English classes . Please encourage her empower her and support her let her know you have faith in her and to start the new marking period fresh make up any missing assignments and keep up on the new ones make sure her teachers let her know that one marking period does not have to define the rest of the year she can still turn this around and it can all be ok. Believe me yelling fighting and arguing about this will get you nowhere it will just set you further behind

Ditas Irene - posted on 11/07/2011

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Try this site for her: http://www.khanacademy.org/ They made youtube tutorials from 1+1 to Calculus and other subjects, Chemistry included (among other subjects). It's all free, and she can watch them over and over, at her own pace, until she gets them. Or at least, if she doesn't get them, she would know what to ask her teachers to help her understand the specific point she doesn't get. I think maybe she might be embarrassed to be seen in a tutorial class? Using the youtube videos will deal with that possibility, as she will be home, under your supervision. And watching the videos with her might also help you get a grasp on the subjects yourself, and be able to tutor her yourself. ^_^

Michele - posted on 11/07/2011

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I do not have teenagers, my aunt does and it doesnt seem to be easy. if i were you i would try to see what kind of people she is haning out with. maybe she got into a new group of friends. maybe seek couseling if you are that worried

Pamela - posted on 11/07/2011

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She is at the age of rebellion that all girls seem to hit around 15 or 16 years of age. I would suggest a sit down meeting with the school counselor and your daughter to discuss how she is feeling about the work.Discuss guidelines to help her get on track and sign an agreement as to what is expected of her. If that does not seem to be effective after some guidelines are discussed and accepted by all and put into practice for a 2 week period of time , then I advise you to take away privileges that she REALLY likes if she continues to ignore her responsibilities.

Cherie - posted on 11/07/2011

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I imagine you have already expressed your displeasure to her.... If it were my daughter, and I have a 16 year old also, I would take any extras privleges away from her ie, cell phone, license, friend time etc. She can earn them back by doing what she is supposed to do. None of those items are "rights". THEN, I think YOU should walk her in, walk her to class etc. The school can not tell you you can't (I taught 8th grade and would tell the parents of my students to come in and spend the day with them). I imagine you would get your point across to her that you are serious. I imagine you would only have to walk with her once... I can't imagine my teenager enjoying that. She needs to understand that you are serious and that school is very important. As her grades go up, she can earn back privileges. If they begin to fall, take them away. Good Luck to you!

Shirlene - posted on 11/07/2011

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My son was skipping tutoring and when I found out boy did he get in trouble he lost everything with a screen. Tv, computer, psp, phone turned him around quick

Kristina - posted on 11/07/2011

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I have never had to deal with a 16yr okd girl, thow I was one once. Growing up I always found that the less people thought of me and the less encouragment I got the better I did. There was no way better to motivate me then for someone to tell me i was incapable of doing it!
Maybe thats something you could try, instead of pushing her and letting her know that you know she is capable, why not pretend to give up. when the person who has always been there for you feels they have failed u, it kinda makes you wanna work harder to show them they havent.
if you try this and you dont notice a difference within a short time period bail out on the idea.

Mia - posted on 11/07/2011

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Sharon, I recently removed my daughter from a magnet program she was not inerested in, she was in the program just because we thought it would be good for academically. Her grades went down this year drastically, within two weeks out of the program, her grades for this next interm report have improved. She does not feel pressured anymore. Taking away what is a hinder is not always, the cell phones, music, most kids focus with music. My daughter still attends one day of afterschool tutoring which she enjoys. As for morning tutoring, that was not working either. Think about how time do they really have in the morning before the first bell rings. A struggling student needs more than 30 min.

Cheryl - posted on 11/07/2011

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See if she realizes what she's really doing. If she doesn't pass her classes it's not going to go away, she's just going to have to take it again! She might as well do it right the first time.mske it to where she's proud of herself and her accomplishments and make it a BIG deal because it is!!

Staci - posted on 11/07/2011

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I used to be a teacher. I had a mom once threaten her daughter that if she didn't start doing what she was supposed to, she would come to school with her everyday and walk her class to class. How embarrassing! Apparently, she had done this before and it worked. I'm not sure I could do that to my kid, but it might work?

Jacquie - posted on 11/07/2011

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I agree with making sure everything physiological is OK. NEXT, does she actually GET the work? Many young people do not understand the higher math and that is reflected in poor Chemistry grade {ALOT of Math} If she doesn't understand math she cannot succeed no matter how much you punish her, that's like asking a kid with no leg to walk!! AFTER she has thouroughly learned math her grades will improve!! If by some slim chance they do not THEN you can take stuff away and discipline with tough love. FIND a tutor you PAY!! Colleges have kids who need extra cash, retired teachers need extra cash. Lots of possibilities. STOP putting the responsibility on the school to find her help they don't care. In answer to your original question, I have NO daughters but do have five sons, two at HOME SCHOOL, so my kids do very well. jbagoad@yahoo.com I am happy to serve.

Janine - posted on 11/07/2011

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You may want to work with the counselor to see if something else is going on. She may be experiencing depression or something else. Does she have a boyfriend? Is he treating her well? This kind of behavior can be a response to a more severe mental health issue, abuse (emotional, physical or sexual), or bullying.

[deleted account]

I went thru pretty much the same kind of thing with my daughter all the way thru high school. In a two year period she had three family members die and three friends from school die. All this had a huge impact on her school work. Finding someone she could trust and confide in worked best. She improved to the point where she actually got a scholarship for college. She is a freshman getting straight A's and will be studying in Japan next fall. So what your daughter is going thru may not have anything to do with the classes but something in her social circle that affecting her school work.

Linda - posted on 11/07/2011

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This actual happens in middle school. This is when the powers that be decides your child is old enough to be responsible to make sure that they get their homework and projects done without keeping the parents in the loop. As my daughter in-law calls it " The Black Hole Period".

Gail - posted on 11/07/2011

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Just out of curiosity have you had her seen by a doctor or someone like that? Maybe there is another reason for what is going on. I am no expert but I would want to eliminate EVERY possibility before getting into the groundings. Look at all of her behaviors and then decide if maybe there could be more than just teenage rebellion going on.

Donna - posted on 11/07/2011

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I think Barbre may have the best answer. I have a daughter who is now 17 and a senior. I tried everything to get her to improve her grades including grounding, taking away priviledges, phone, etc. She would constantly not hand assignments in or do homework. I tried to talk to teachers, guidance counselor,, etc. I found most of them not that helpful since my daughter was passing she was not their main focus. I could see her grades on the computer but assignments and homework were not posted so I didn't really know what she was supposed to do until after they were due. Freshman and Sophomore year she got by with mostly C's even though she could do better. Junior year was a little better. This year she is applying to college and she is now realizing that she should have worked harder because there are 2 colleges she would really like to go to that she will not get in. I have found that know matter how hard you try, you cannot make someone get good grades. They have to want it for themselves. You can set expectations and help to guide them such as not going out during week , and encouraging them to go for tutoring,etc. I think my daughter is finally realizing that grades are important and she should have worked harder. Its too late to take back her first 2 years of high school but I'm hoping she has learned her lesson for when college begins since I won't be there to monitor and harp on her. Good luck, I hope things improve.

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