Anyone feel like an outsider when their stepchildren are around?

Erin - posted on 12/17/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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DH and I have been married for 3 years. Together for 5. I have a son (11), he has a son(7), and we have a son (4). At first when SS was only 2 everything seemed fine but now as the years going on I dread every time SS comes to visit. I believe his ex is a lot of the problem. At first BM seemed to be nice but when I got pregnant with our son is when things starting going downhill. I could clearly see a change in SS when he started coming after this. Things would go on such as SS caught a cold one time and BM blamed it all on me and told DH that he couldn't see his son anymore because of it and in turn bc BM made it my fault DH made it my fault. When DH kissed me at a family get together (I'm talking sweet thank you peck for a gift not make out session) I was the most awful person in the world and he couldn't see SS anymore blah blah. When we got married BM conveniently went out of town with SS so SS wasn't able to come to the wedding. When we went to the beach BM conveniently made plans for SS so he couldn't go then found out BM sent him to another family member for a week vaca. And of course in DH eyes because BM made all the instances my fault he made it MY fault. So now SS comes to our home (SS lives a good bit away so it's not very often) I feel so isolated in my own home. SS hardly talks to me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in my own home. I'm terrified to say the "wrong thing" because I'm always afraid SS is going to go back home and tell BM some awful horror story that is a fabrication of the truth and BM will punish DH by taking SS away and then DH and I will fight and argue because he's mad at me because BM punished him for something I never did. It's just a constant vicious cycle and I'm just so lost. Not only is all of that going on but DH changes himself when SS is here. Constantly puts us down and talks hateful etc like he's trying to show out. And usually always does it in front of SS. I hate it most for DS because at 4 he doesn't understand why DH is being hateful to him and not SS. There's so much more this is just the topper. Help!!! Am I doing something wrong as a step mom or do other have issues too??

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Erin - posted on 12/17/2015

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No only has gotten the worse over the past couple of years after we were married. Possibly a lot fueled by the in laws. DH dad and step mom (SS grandparents and also DS grandparents) They go over and beyond for SS but do minimal for DS. Basically the only time they see DS is when SS is around because they want to spend time with SS. In laws also have a relationship with BM so they sneak around and see SS a lot more. As the in laws got worse, BM got worse therefore situation got worse.

Ev - posted on 12/17/2015

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I do not understand something. Was DH doing this behavior where SS was concerned before you got married?

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