Anyone have any advice for me?????

Jen - posted on 11/11/2009 ( 67 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 17 years old and about to have her first baby. Let me tell you it has been quite a long road. She is due in a couple of weeks and I am getting very nervous. She is in home school and will graduate in June if all goes well, she needs her license and a car and a job but must stay in school. I am very frustrated at this point, I know she cannot stay with me and my husband forever, lol. How long should I allow her to stay with us. She will be 18 in March.

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Shannon - posted on 11/13/2009

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As a young mother of 5, I don't know how any single Mother has the strength, energy, and emotional well-being to balance having a new baby, school, work, and time for yourself. Being a good SAHM is really hard work, and doing that alone eats away at you. Is the baby's father in the picture? I know two girls that each became pregnant and had no husband to call upon. Interestingly enough, one of them has chosen to keep her daughter and the other chose to allow her baby to be put up for adoption. It is a stark contrast to observe these two girls. The one who still has her daughter is really struggling in all aspects. She does have family helping her, but she is still a young person making huge decisions all at once. The learning curve is so large and burdens her greatly as she bears so much of the weight. She really tries the best she can and is a wonderful girl, but I see her frustration and tears because there is so much to be tough for and life is hard as a single mom. On the other hand, the other girl I know has given her baby to a wonderful family who is able to give her an ideal environment with a Mother and a Father and stability. She is still able to "see" her daughter through that family's blog and can peek in on her whenever she likes. She has made ammends with her past and has had the time she needed to realize what it is she wants in life. She has had the time and desire to find out who she really is and has become so much stronger and happy. She found a wonderful guy and has since married and is the happiest I've ever seen her. She has said herself that giving her baby to another family was the best decision she ever made. She's even grateful for that family and that they are taking such great care of her little girl. This situation ou are in with your daughter is so delicate and difficult. I wish you the best in this journey, and encourage you to look here for resources for your daughter. https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/ct/eng/site/pregnant/
There are so many people who are willing to help. Take care

Sherry - posted on 11/12/2009

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If she is planning on keeping this baby you all have a long road ahead of you. There are support groups for young mothers and their families, it is hard to say what is right for each individual situation, I strongly urge you to get support help for her or you will end up raising another child. You can't ask her to leave till she is able to support herself and the child, yet you must avoid being to available, she should learn to deal with this on her own. Good Luck and Good wishes.

Candice - posted on 11/12/2009

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Wow. I was a teen mother at 17 also the summer between by jr. and sr. year in high school. I could not have made it with the support and unconditional love from my parents. Its not easy being a mom at 17 so help her through this the best you can. My mom watched my baby so I could go to school my senior year. I also worked on the weekends to help with diapers and such. After graduating i went to a communtity college three days a week and my baby went to a baby sitter with help from my financial aid. As long as I was either working and going to school my parents had no problem with me living at home. It was tough but worth it. Try to let your daughter take care of the baby most of the time. Bonding is huge for teen parents. She will need your help just being a 1st time mom. That baby and your daughters health is # 1.
Hang in there it does get better! My Daughter had her 1st baby at 24 and she still needed lots of help. Good luck! I will pray for you.

Michelle - posted on 11/12/2009

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Honestly, I would let her stay with some strick guidelines as to expectations. My neice had her baby at 18. While she was pregnant she was living with me but then started to not go to school or work. I made it very clear that if she didn't finish her education she was on her own. I made it unpleasant for her to live with me and she moved out and in with her boyfriend's parents. She is doing quite well now but has had another baby and while on MAT leave is trying to get her education. We are back to speaking terms now and she realizes she mad a mistake. The problem is she cannot afford daycare while on UI for MAturnity leave and is having a hard time finding someone to watch the kids while she goes to school everyday. She has worked full time since she had the first baby and leads a normal life no partying etc. Long story short - Get your daughter to finish high school now. Don''t back down. I backed down and my niece moved out becasue it was stressful to her that i was angry and disappointed. Now here we are several years later and she is yearning for that diploma and stressing herself out to get it. She had a 90% average right now and I am very proud of her. I am also babysitting her first baby while she goes everyday. I regret not forcing my hand and making her get her education then, and I am watching a busy 2 year old everyday now she she can get it. Make that kid finish - try to get her fast track it now not later. Good luck! (PS my niece is an amazing mom to her kids - your daughter I'm sure will surprise you with how easy mother hood comes to her!)

Christie - posted on 11/12/2009

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I would allow her to stay through college. I would also strongly encourage her to attend college, even if it is a local community college. A teenage mother needs all the love and support her family can give her, so that she can continue her education and become a contributing member to society. She's made an undesirable choice by being a teenage mother, try to counsel her to make more mature choices, stay in school and get at least an Associate's Degree so that she can provide a good and stable home for her child. She will love you both all the more when she sees a future beyond just tomorrow.

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User - posted on 10/11/2012

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you can say what you think yes but i know myself as a parent i never allowed my daughter to do what she did,do you hav a child? well when they get to be 13 they decide they no everything and unless you lock them in a rooom and never let them out you cant stop them from going and hanging out with friends you havce to hope they make the right choices,you really think that all parents that end up with there child getting pregnant sat there and new they were doing that,i dont.

User - posted on 10/11/2012

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I have a daughter who is 15 and has a son they are living with me,and i had her online school for the time she was carrying him and at first it was all great but after 4 months she went thru stuff where she couldnt finish school cause it was to hard and even with me helping take care of him for her most of the time she went a little wild and took off she came back now but one thing i would really watch for is when she goes thru postpartum cause i didnt think she would go thru that with having me supporting her and taking alot of it on myself taking care of him,but she did and it was the worst time of my life,but to your question if it was my daughter i would let her stay till she felt she can do it they think they are going to be able to handle everything but it hits them when they no longer have time for anything and was excited to go back to school until she was back for a month and but my point to all this is i would atleast have her there while she is going thru the first 6 to 7 months after the baby is born so you know she is going to be ok to do it on her own,my daughter was so sure it was going to be so easy with me helping her but even with my help she couldnt take the responsibility of him and asked me to take custody of him which i dont want to raise a baby at my age but if i have to i will till i feel she is able too,we all have different things but i just had a scare when she took off but i would keep her there for awhile after he or she is born.

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Why do parents allow this to happen then get frustrated because they not only end up supporting their young child but the grandchild too, this is why so many people are on welfare. Good job people!

Kala - posted on 11/18/2009

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Quoting Jen:

Anyone have any advice for me?????

My daughter is 17 years old and about to have her first baby. Let me tell you it has been quite a long road. She is due in a couple of weeks and I am getting very nervous. She is in home school and will graduate in June if all goes well, she needs her license and a car and a job but must stay in school. I am very frustrated at this point, I know she cannot stay with me and my husband forever, lol. How long should I allow her to stay with us. She will be 18 in March.



I was a teen mother @ 16 I made it thru driver ed and did graduate on time and went to collage for 3 year got a degree in administative assistant and am not married to my baby's father.. we have been married for 4 1/2 years and have been together for a LONG 10 years... My point is it IS possible.. I know right now it is probably very stress ful in the house because I have been there done that, I just kept saying to myself it will all be ok, and 8years later it is,my father who could barly look @ me when I was pregnant would give his life for his grandson.. I know everyones situation is different but not all theses types of situations stay sour it will get better... You hang in there and tell your daughter the same.

Christina - posted on 11/17/2009

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Hi Sweety, My daughter also had my wonderful grandson 3 weeks before she turned 18. She gave up on finishing school at the time., Sence she has gone on welfare and is trying to so thru what they want her to do. Get Ged and such. I did move her in with me at my home to help her out, mostly for my grandson sake. Shes taking it slow, but I can only hope she gets it done and starts her adult life started. If you have the ability to help her Id say do so. We can only hope they grow up and do whats right for the child. Its hard but worth it. the child is a wonderful gift, and so much Love. Good Luck to you.

NANA - posted on 11/16/2009

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My daughter was 16 when she had her !st child. It was so wonderful to see my granddaughter take her first breath in this world. It was a very stressful SEASON with lots of anger, but we worked through it. She & her daughter lived with us until she was ready to move out. There are many resources out there to help. Take one day at a time. Focus on what is best for the baby. Everything will fall into place in it's time. Your daughter needs as much love and support that you can give her right now. Keep reminding your daughter how important it is to graduate and not to give up on her dreams.

Tammy - posted on 11/16/2009

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Jen,

Please do not take these questions as a personal attack because i mean no harm by asking them. Is the babies father still around? If so is his parents willing to let him move with your daughter to help support their family unit they will have? I say let her stay for a little while after the baby is born. The reason i say this is because she will be a new mom and at seventeen there is alot of hormonal things that may happen with her and the only person she will want will be you and if she has a job on top of it all im sure the stress levels will be high because she may not be use to this much responsibility, but you don't want to turn her lose until you know she is ready because its not just her she has to worry about anymore she has someone who can't take care of themselves who she has to learn to figure out such as what cry means what and that you can go throught a day on four hours of sleep if need be ect. Make sure she can handle parenthood a job and a car.......then go with her after she has all these things and seems she can juggle them because it will be hard for her with the amount of sleep she will lose (she won't be use to it and will have to adjust) this is just a scenerio in case the father of her baby can not be with her because of age factors or his parents ect. Once you see she can handle it help her with her budget and show her this is what she can afford for the babies exspences and how much she can afford for a place to stay along with electric, phone and any other neccesary needs......because she may not even know how to juggle all of this if she hasn't lived on her own before ........most learn to do this without the responsiblitly of a child(and most do not do a very good job of it the first go around because its a learning exp.) so it will be hard on her (and im not saying anything bad about her having a child at her age or your parenting because i too had a child at a very young age so this is coming from my own experiance but i did not have parents that cared to the extent of your worries for your daughter so i give you kudo's for your worries for you daughter and grandchild you are a very good mother) technically her school work could be done under your guidence such as she can do it in her free time and you can check to see if its being done and correctly or set aside a time for her to come to your home so you can help her with her work and the baby. good luck to your daughter and i hope she has a safe delivery! congrats on being a grandmother! I hope this helped you.

Sherry - posted on 11/15/2009

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the first question i have for was how did you feel when your child told you she was pregnant? because for some strange reason alot of teens think they don't need to use protection cause they feel as if nothing bad can happen to them(ie pregnacy and transmitted diseases. i used to work at a pharmacy and they use to come in all the time and the youngest being around 14 years and since now it is possilbe to get things like Plan- B in case the teen thinks they could be pregnant more teens are having sex for this reason and not using protection at all. but any ways as for your child it has already been done and it can't be taken back well if i was had gotten pregnant so young my mother would have wanted me to finish high school that is for sure and when i was finished she would have helped me find my own place this would have been my mom's way of saying you made this child you will take care of it by yourself and it would have taught me how to be a responsible person and to realise what my mother had gone through when she had children of her own it also would of given me a greater respect for what she does each and everyday. but what i do know is that if have your child stay too long then there could be the possibility of you taking care of her child while she goes out and does whatever she wants due to the simple fact that you gave her that chance by letting her stay with you in the first place. by letting her stay she will never learn what it takes to be a parent but if she were to be on her own it could inspire her to want to do great things for her family but at the same time encourage and give her the support and guildess she needs to grow as a person. i'm not too sure if this helps but this is what my mom would of done if it was me. that's all.

Michelle - posted on 11/14/2009

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Quoting Jen:

Anyone have any advice for me?????

My daughter is 17 years old and about to have her first baby. Let me tell you it has been quite a long road. She is due in a couple of weeks and I am getting very nervous. She is in home school and will graduate in June if all goes well, she needs her license and a car and a job but must stay in school. I am very frustrated at this point, I know she cannot stay with me and my husband forever, lol. How long should I allow her to stay with us. She will be 18 in March.



I don't think right now is the time to be thinking about how long you are planning to let her stay with you.  Instead, encourage her to finish school, help her get a drivers liscense and a job.  Once the baby is born these things can take place.  I do not know the whole situation with your frustration, but try to be calm.  I was a mother at 16 and I am very grateful for all of my mothers help.  If you are having trouble understanding your daughter, you may want to read up on the different temperaments for communication, I recommend this to anyone.  Just learning about how other people react to certain situations is a good thing.  Knowing their temperament help.  You can definetly read people like a book once you know.  Hope this helps.  May God help you carry this cross and your daughter.

Zita - posted on 11/14/2009

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i was her age when i had my first child.both your daughter and her baby should stay with you as long as they need to ....unless she has a partner.she will need all the support she can get.i was married by that age so it was a bit differnt i guess he was supporthing me and the baby.i can understand your frastration but just help her as much as you can at this stage and that way she can get all that done.it's not the end of the world.....but you also need to stay come with her and explain to her that she needs her education finished so later on she can get a good job to support herself and the baby.

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hi...you should please help and support your daughter, remember your the one with all the experience...just till she can do it all on her own...mwah take care

Ashley - posted on 11/14/2009

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You need to stop thinking about rushing her out of the house and be there to support her. It is nearly impossible for young girls to afford to support themselves expecially with a baby.

Jennifer - posted on 11/13/2009

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Take it one day at a time, God will provide for the need as they arise. I was a mom at 16, got married, and lived with my in-laws for two and a half years. Education is important and I went back and got my GED, and have worked for the county government for the last 20 years, while I did not go to college, I did encourage my daughter to and she is now a senior at Virginia Tech, and applying to vet school. Sometimes the oppurtunity and choices differ for each person, but life is what you make of it and what you want out of it, with strong determination it will succeed. You will find that this baby is going to bring joy to all, and when she goes out with the baby, you will be surprised out how empty and quiet your house feels. Best of Luck and God Bless!

Sandra - posted on 11/13/2009

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as long as it takes, she needs your help and support, wait until she gets a job and encourage her to look for somewhere to live, where is the father is he helping to financilly support them

Coreen - posted on 11/13/2009

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she is going to need all the support u can give,i was a mother at 21 and it was a very trying time for but thankfully i had both of my parents support and they are the only reason i survived being a new mum.let her stay with u as long as she needs to get on her feet,she will need mum there

Jessica - posted on 11/13/2009

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I left home at 16 and was on quite a destructive path, at 17 i got pregnant and was scared and alone. I showed back up at my parents door hoping they would forgive me and be there for me, i was still just a kid myself. I worked a job and attended night classes to graduate, i managed to prepare for the baby and finish school. Yes i was young and yes i had no idea what to do or for that matter how to do it. I thank my parents everyday for helping me, supporting me and for teaching me how to be a good mom. Your daughter needs you to be there for her, it is a hard road but she is already on it and there is nothing you can do to change that except be there for her. Teach her what she needs to know. She will succeed and be on her own soon enough. I am now a 29 year old married mom of 4. I have beenon my own for almost 10 years and i have succeeded in giving my childeren everything they need including unconditional love!! Good luck to you and your daughter!

Susan - posted on 11/13/2009

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That depends entirely on her post-high school gameplan(which she should develop). There is no magical age. The average age of a child being able to be fully independent of a parent is now set at 27. I would say unless she has an excellent set of job skills(Tech college is terrific for that), her residency, as well as that of your grandchild, could go on indefinitely. I urge her to read "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens" to jumpstart her initiative.

Gabrielle - posted on 11/13/2009

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Well I didn't leave home til I was 26 and getting married. My mom still didn't want me to leave. My concern is with you asking how long she should stay. Obviously you can't push her out at this point. It will only lead to her possibly making bad desions to survive and I'm sure you don't want that. You didn't say her father, so is this a step father?

My only advice is she is and will always be your daughter, don't make her feel like she and your grandchild aren't welcome. She unlike other girls in the situation is finishing her schooling and will have a diploma under her belt. Good for her and you I'm sure. Help steer her in the right direction and guide her through what will be a trying time for her. She'll need your support most of all. You can do it!! And so can she, just have faith.

Tarysha - posted on 11/13/2009

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Good Morning Jen:

I was in your daughter's position at 16, so maybe I can lend some helpful insight. My parents' initial reaction was to contact the local adoption agency. When I told them I was not going to adopt my daughter out, my mother told me that she would "not have a Welfare mom living under" her roof. I started my first real job (as a Safeway courtesy clerk) in January and had my daughter in March. I registered myself for Running Start (I was also being home schooled at the time) my Junior year and then the local alternative school for my Senior year. I moved out on my 18th birthday and stayed with a friend until I found a stable home for myself and my daughter (she stayed with my parents for about a week until I was able to find one). I had to pay a sitter, as my mother would not watch her and I got a beater car from a friend fo $100 (my daughter went to my driver's ed classes with me). Ten years later, I am a paralegal, working on my Master's degree and my daughter is healthy and happy. I know that I would not be where I am today, nor would my daughter, had my parents not pushed me (although I disliked them for it at the time).

I know it was a struggle for my family (I had three younger sisters at home as well - one of them only 5 years old), but through their frustrations and mine, we are all where we are today. It will get better and it will be difficult, but just love on her and your grandbaby as much as you can, pushing her to be the best mom she can be and to continue her education.

Noki - posted on 11/13/2009

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Your daughter will needs your help and support for a while when she is ready capable to do on her own and her baby. She is responsible new mom and don't let her use you to do all her works. I wish you all the best!

PATRICE - posted on 11/13/2009

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MY DAUGHTER IS 15 WITH A 5 MONTH OLD IT IS HARD BUT HEY WE GOTTA DO WHAT WE GOTTA DO. I LOVE MY GRANDSON VERY VERY MUCH. I WAS LIKE GRANDMA NAWWW. BUT EVRY THING TURNED OUT GREAT. JUST B THERE 4 HER AT ALL TIMES BUT ALSO LET HER KNOW THAT THE BABY IS HER RESPOSIBILITY.

JoAnn - posted on 11/13/2009

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I don't think the issue is so much how long she and the baby live with you as much as how much responsibility for her situation is she taking. You should be there to support her and help, but she should take primary responsibility for the baby. Sit down with her now, before the baby is born, and lay down some basic structure. What is she responsible for at home, when will you provide primary child care, what are her plans after graduation, what will she be financially responsible for and what will you assume. I think the more clear everyone is on what happens next the easier these next few months will be. A new baby is stressful and she definitely needs you right now.

Ellen - posted on 11/13/2009

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Quoting Jen:

Anyone have any advice for me?????

My daughter is 17 years old and about to have her first baby. Let me tell you it has been quite a long road. She is due in a couple of weeks and I am getting very nervous. She is in home school and will graduate in June if all goes well, she needs her license and a car and a job but must stay in school. I am very frustrated at this point, I know she cannot stay with me and my husband forever, lol. How long should I allow her to stay with us. She will be 18 in March.



My daughter had a baby her in June after  her jr. year in high school she was 18 .Still living at home going to school, her & her boyfriend  seeing each other. I took my granddaughter to sitter on my way to work each & picked her up afterwork my daughter had no car. Well she got welfere for the baby & they got her a car. Now she could do things after school. I got a new granddaughter in august 15 months after they first. I blame the welfere & the car. Now 10 years later I have a 2 year old grandson . My daughter has a job & a husband not the father of the girls there dad is a dead beat.

Ellen - posted on 11/13/2009

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Quoting tammy:

My daughter had a baby at 20. She was not living at home and she ended up leaving the baby and the father and has had so many hardships including the Dad not letting her spend time with her son. We had to go to court over a year ago and it is still not resolved. Support your daughter as much as you are able. Try to get her through college at least. My daughter is now 24 and still can't support herself since she didn't finish college and she is dependent on her boyfriend. It is the biggest barrier to her being successful in life right now.



tell her to pray about it & put it in Gods hands.



 

Rose - posted on 11/13/2009

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she most certainly is young to be having a baby, but she needs your support having a child at such a young age. just be there for her prepare her for whats to come accept her for who she is, you never know with all your teachings she may leave the roost sooner then you expect. why is it an issue on how long should she be allowed to live with you i would expect you to want her to stay

Donnella - posted on 11/12/2009

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you should let her stay as long as she needs to.where is the baby's father and what is doing to help your daughter? JUST PRAY ABOUT IT!!

Tina - posted on 11/12/2009

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Why would you ask her to leave? She needs you now more than ever! And thank God she decided to keep it! She is very brave and has a good heart! When this baby is born you will be soo blessed and happy. You should support her and be by her side until she is able to go alone. There are so many resources available for single, teen moms now! You'll be sorry for any harsh words once the baby is born. So just try to be there for her, as much as you want to smack her, I know, believe me I know!

Tina - posted on 11/12/2009

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Hi Jen. My daughter had a baby six months ago as well. She was 17 and one week after birth, she graduated. I know what your feeling. Just be with close to her all the time. During labor, be calm and let her know you know how she feels. Go to birthing classes with her. She may be a beeeaatch at times but just let it roll off your shoulders.
My daughter is a very good mom. She has a beautiful baby girl. I am so blessed. And believe me it was soo hard for me to except that she was actually pregnant at first.

Robin - posted on 11/12/2009

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I'd say let her stay with you as long as she is in school. I would encourage her to continue her education. She's really going to need you during the first few months. Let her be the "mother", but be there to support her and encorage her. My oldest daughter had a baby at 17, I was 35! My granddaughter is now 10 years old, and her mom is a mother of 3. It was hard at first, but we did it together. Now my daughter is in college, and being a great mom. Just stick by your daughter and help her become a good mother.

Debra - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Jodi:

If I were in your shoes (I have a 17 year old stepdaughter, so hopefully I won't be, but you can never know!!) I would let her stay on the conditions that:

- I was not her very convenient and free babysitter if she wants to go out and party. I would offer to give her a break now and then (we all need that occasionally), but on my terms, not hers. It should never become an expectation.

- She needs to find a job to contribute an affordable amount to the household bills, and to pay for her baby. She must ALSO contribute to the cooking, cleaning and other household chores.

No-one should be getting a free ride. A young girl needs all the support she can get, but she also needs to understand the consequences. Let her live at home, but decide on the conditions under which this is acceptable to you. She probably won't like it, but hey, I don't like doing dishes, cooking, picking up after kids, etc either. But once you are a mother, you have those responsibilities, and the sooner she learns that this is her life, the sooner she will step up and do the best she can with the situation.


Wow, as a mom who's gone though this, my husbands daughter had her first baby at 15, I couldn't have said it better.  The whole responsibility part is hard work but they have to know the consequences for their actions.  The only other thing I would add is don't be afraid to talk to the authorities if she doesn't take care of that baby or leaves it with you without knowing where she is or when she is coming home.  You can't take care of your grandchildren 100%, at least we couldn't.  At one point we were willing to keep the baby but told the authorities that our daughter had to go because of her actions. 



She has since grown to be a wonderful mother and loves and cares for her children.  I don't think that would have happened if she didn't get some tough  love.  We went through the single, young parent with both of our daughters and would not trade the beautiful grand children for anything in the world.



Give her love, support, advice and all the help she deserves.  Don't compromise on your principles or your rights as parents and grandparents.  Best of luck.

Barbara - posted on 11/12/2009

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I really think that you and your husband will know when the time comes for her to move out with the baby. It is hard I'm sure since this affects so many people. Once she graduates wat is she going to do and what about the father of the baby?

Kim - posted on 11/12/2009

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You will know in your heart when the time is right but she and her new baby need the support and love you can offer her. i would rather have my grandchildren living with me then out on the street in a non safe enviroment

Vickie - posted on 11/12/2009

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It is sad that at this moment in her life when you realize how much she lacks you are looking at freeing yourself from the burden. Be firm but consistent while you help her correct the deficencies. Education, license, car etc. You will find yourself at times the parent instead of the grandparent, until she becomes confident. Unfortunately there is no quick easy way to experience. She herself is still a child and can benefit from your experience to improve her child's chances in this world.

Cathryn - posted on 11/12/2009

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From your post, Jen, it sounds like no one is truly ready for this baby to enter the family. Has your daughter considered checking into adoption? Most adoptions these days are open ones, in which she would check out lots of potential adoptive parents, select the ones she feels would be the best fit, and an agreement is reached about continued contact. The birthmother (and father, if he's in the picture, as well as grandparents!) remains an integral part of the child's life but without the responsibility of daily parenting. Every child deserves to be anticipated with joy; if that's not the case for you and your daughter, perhaps considering another option is the most loving course for this child. Then you can more clearly see the answer to your original question of how long to allow your daughter to continue to live with you. Blessings.

Jodie - posted on 11/12/2009

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Quoting Jen:

Anyone have any advice for me?????

My daughter is 17 years old and about to have her first baby. Let me tell you it has been quite a long road. She is due in a couple of weeks and I am getting very nervous. She is in home school and will graduate in June if all goes well, she needs her license and a car and a job but must stay in school. I am very frustrated at this point, I know she cannot stay with me and my husband forever, lol. How long should I allow her to stay with us. She will be 18 in March.


Hi Jen,



My name is jodie and I have 3 children, well congratulations to you both a child as you would know is a wounderful blessing. Hope all goes well for your daughter and with the baby and school. All I can say is be there for each other and again congratulations.

Kim - posted on 11/12/2009

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If you want her to "get out there" in the real world I'd suggest you set her up in her own place and move her out when she turns 18. Somewhere that's near enough to your home that she can walk "home" if need be but not under your roof. Keeping in close contact but not without having to take responsibility for herself and bubs. She can return to you each school day for home schooling and then take herself back her own place. You could offer to babysit while she works part time after school and on weekends, this way she learns very quickly to make her own way. If you allow to her to keep living at home then you will be her permanent mum and this baby will end up as an extra child for YOU to raise. Tough love is better than allowing her to fall into the "it's OK mum will fix it" lifestyle

Tammy - posted on 11/11/2009

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My daughter had a baby at 20. She was not living at home and she ended up leaving the baby and the father and has had so many hardships including the Dad not letting her spend time with her son. We had to go to court over a year ago and it is still not resolved. Support your daughter as much as you are able. Try to get her through college at least. My daughter is now 24 and still can't support herself since she didn't finish college and she is dependent on her boyfriend. It is the biggest barrier to her being successful in life right now.

Karen - posted on 11/11/2009

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Grand mom relax, you say your nervous this can't be easy for her either. You both have to make the best of the situation. Is the father in the picture if so is he helping.Remember things are in the hands of the lord right now thing s will be ok.She needs your suport more now then she ever did Best of luck to the three of u

Rebecca - posted on 11/11/2009

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First you need to sign her up for section 8, and then you need to make sure you fill out her fafsa for financial aid for when she graduates... She can still go to college and she will be able to get housing and other things so that she can become an educated woman.

First is section 8 because that will be housing for her and she will need that, not only to keep a great relationship with you her parents because it will be stressful all living together.

The good thing to look at, is there are tons of scholarships and grants for single parents out there, and she will be independent on her financial aid for college, so it won't be based on your income.

I think you should let her stay until she finishes high school, and though make her start looking at her future.

I was a 18 year olds when I had my son, I just graduated from high school. I got on Housing, and went to college, I am still and have always been a single mom on my own. I have made it, and this is the way to help her be successful...

Make sure it is section 8, because that means she can find any place including single family homes... Once she is on section 8, get her on the FSS program, which is where tenants set goals, and when they are achieving those goals, they earn money in an escrow account, which once they graduate from the FSS program they get the escrow account... the government agency I work for just gave away $27,000.00 to a tenant...

She can also get on the section 8 homebuyers program for when she finally graduates college, that will help her actually own a home and help with payment on the mortgage for 15 years...

Hope this helps, I know this must be tough and scary, I can't imagine what my parents went through with me. But I made it and so will she...

Bernadette - posted on 11/11/2009

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I agree with everyone else about staying with you until she can support her self. She may be able to get welfare including foodstamps, WIC, medicaid, etc. Doesn't hurt to check out all her opions. She may also qualify for a pell grant in which she can go to college. Good luck and even though things my be rough, keep smiling & giving each other love!

Jessica - posted on 11/11/2009

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Hi Jen. I myself was a teen parent at 17. I also home schooled once I found out I was pregnant and graduated with my diploma. One thing that I feel is extremely important is that your daughter needs to fully understand that you and your husband support her. However, she is now an adult and needs to make sure that her decisions are mature and well thought out. You don't want to just kick her to the streets when she is 18, but you also need to make sure that she is taking care of her education and her child and not taking advantage of the situation.

I stayed with my parents until I was 18 and got a job. Then I was off, and let me tell you I made some not so perfect decisions. But that is part of being a teen parent. We all have to learn some way or another. Your daughter may make some decisions that you are unsure of. However, the more restrictions you put on her, the more she may rebel, remeber she still holds a teenage mentallity.

Just being there for her and making her feel as though you care is the most important thing for her and that baby. As long as she is in a home in which she has good role models, the chances are pretty good she will continue those morals onto her child. I wish you the best of luck, and I wish your daughter a safe labor and delivery and a healthy baby.



Jess

Laurie - posted on 11/11/2009

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As long as she needs you. Getting her through high school should be the number one priority. The transition she will make into being a new mother is a big change for every woman and for a teen mother the changes are tenfold. Teach her to be a good mother by example and everything will work out. My granddaughter was born when my daughter was 17 and still in high school and everything has worked out wonderfully. She even finished high school a semester early. Be patient but make her do the work and be responsible.

Patti - posted on 11/11/2009

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My daughter was 16 when she had her baby...It is a long road...but I am here to tell you..once that baby is born...you will see things differently. Everyone is different...and so all I can do is tell you what I did. We had them both live with us until such time my daughter was ready to move out...even then we were there for her and our granddaughter when they needed us. It can be a burden...but I miss them both so much now. She has since married a wonderful man in the Navy and given us another granddaughter. I think giving her the support - financially and emotionally will be the best thing you can do for them...let her know you are there for them...even when they move out....I believe it pays in the long run.

Vickie - posted on 11/11/2009

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I would say give her a chance to get herself established in a job. one thing i did was suggest to my daughter to get and apartment that had low income help. this will give her a chance understand that she is responsible for her and the baby. I helped my daughter alot, but she did live on her own her last year in school while she was pregnant and also had a job after school. She did it because she was proving to us she could. Also if she stays with you she will you to show her she cannot depend on you to take care of the baby when she is tired or doesn't feel like it. It will be hard for you because you will ultimately fall in love with your grandchild and just do what comes natural to you and try to take care of her and the child. You will put a strain on all involved if that happens. Just don't enable her to do what you don't want her to. Help her by being there to listen. Good Luck

Ksenia - posted on 11/11/2009

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Donna McKinley, you must be a very nice mom! You seem like you were there for your girl when she needed you, but you also are ready to let her "have a life", not all moms are like you!! Wow! I hope your daughter know how lucky she is.

Donna - posted on 11/11/2009

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My Daughter was 16 when she got pregnant. She had just started her senior year. She went to school every day up intill the baby was born then took 5 weeks off to be with baby and went back and never missed a day. She even nursed the baby and I was able to take baby to her school on her lunch break. I know not every one is able to do this but I was fortunate enough to be able to stay home and watch the baby for her while she finished school. She graduated with a 4.0 and I am very proud of her. She has lived with us every since. However she is in the process now of moving into her own place just this past week. I am going to miss them both very much but I think she needs to learn how things are like on her own. She is close enough to us that I can still help her out if she needs me but I am sure she will be fine.
I think for you it is imporant to be there for your daughter now if you can. She is going to need you. There is a lot of changes coming and she is going to need suport . Grandkids or wonderful and I am sure you will enjoy this as much as I do .:) Best of luck ! I hope it all works out for you all.

Ksenia - posted on 11/11/2009

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I think it depends on her situation. Is she in a relationship? If not, you might want to wait a bit to ask her to find a place of her own. She likely doesn't have anyone to help her, except you!

Alyssa - posted on 11/11/2009

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i had my first daughter at 17 and i moved out with my boyfriend and father of the baby. my mom was getting remarried and she was moving so i was forced out. we made it work and we're still together 7 years later and have another 2 1/2 year old girl and have been married for 3 years. don't worry about when she moves out as long as you know your grandchild is being taken care of. i do want to tell you to be there for her in every way possible. she will have so many questions about what to do, but it also comes naturally. don't be there too much for her when she needs a babysitter. every once in a while is fine, but do not give into every weekend. kids become dependent on their parents to watch their kids that way, but it is so so so important for her to still have friends and to have alone time-just like any other mother. i wish you and your daughter the best. help her to become the best mom she can, and not another statistic!!

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