Anyone out there that has a husband in the Air Force? :(

Anicko - posted on 10/02/2011 ( 35 moms have responded )

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My husband just left for basic military training a week ago. I'm not used to being alone, especially because we have an 8 month old baby boy. He's such a handful. I love my husband to death but because he left I haven't been myself and all I can think about is him and my baby. I'm constantly crying. Everytime I write I want to tell him to come back home. But he wants to serve the country and provide for me and my baby. I feel so helpless. I don't know if you guys would think I'm being over-dramatic but this is over-whelming me. Help please?

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Kandie - posted on 10/04/2011

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My husband has been in the Army for the 10 years we've been together, and we now have 3 little girls, 6 years, 4 years, and 10 months. He's been deployed 3 times since we've been married, 2 one year tours and 1 18 month tour. Once of the worst things you can do for your husband's safety and your marriage is stress too much. Find hobbies, get out and meet other moms, take lots of pictures of your son for him to see when he gets HOME!! Let him know a little of what your son is doing and send him a few pics, but don't bombard him with everything or you will just depress your husband on what all he is missing. It's being by yourself, but you have to remember that you are still at home with your son and probably your friends and family, and sleeping in your own bed every night. Your husband is a long way from home with no one. Separations are always hard, but use the opportunity to really appreciate what you have with your husband. Being apart sucks, but reunions are awesome!!!!!

Amanda - posted on 10/04/2011

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My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and he has been in the AF for 8 years. It does take some getting used to. I have been through three deployments (currently he is on a year long one) in the last five years. The worst thing imo that you can do, is cry and beg him to come home. You can tell him you miss him, that you can't wait to see him, but please don't make him feel bad for leaving you guys behind. There are alot of young new airmen my husband has to counsel because their wives are constantly belittling them, making them feel bad about their choices, or just being selfish. (Please note that I am NOT calling you selfish, just saying there are wives that are). The best thing you can do is get involved in your own activities. Find other moms that have young children like you, pick up a hobby, and if you still can't get out of the funk you seem to be in, maybe see a doctor. I was prescribed anxiety meds during the first deployment because I was a mess. My son was 1 month old and had just had surgery when my husband was deployed on short notice. It can be very hard, but you have to remember your husband is trying to do what he thinks is best to help his family. Truth be told, it does get easier. Seperation is still hard no matter how many times we do it, but I can handle things much better than I could six years ago. Just hang in there.

Valerie - posted on 10/04/2011

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I can't offer any advice but wanted to tell you that I appreciate the sacrifice your husband, your child, and you are making for our country.

Kristina - posted on 10/04/2011

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Whatever you do you just have to stay strong for your son! He doesn't understand what's going on but he can definetly feel the stress that you are under.. I have two girls, a 21 mo old and a 1 mo old, my husband just left for Afghanistan two weeks ago! I know its hard.. you need good friends and family around right now! I hope this helps and if you ever need to talk I'm here :)

April - posted on 10/04/2011

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I did the same thing when my husband left for basic training. The thing that helped the most was keeping myself busy doing other things like working, taking my son to the park or any where to get out of the house. It also helped having friends to talk to, although I was new to the town we lived in I made lots of phone calls to friends and family back home. You just have to remember he is not gone forever and he will be back, what he is doing for you, your son and our country is greatly appreciated and all of the hard work and energy that you both pour into this time apart will be well worth it in the end.

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Beatrice - posted on 10/08/2011

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Don't be hard on yourself. The feelings you are experiencing are natural. There are other wives who go thru the same thing. Check with the base you are stationed at for a spousal support group. Sharing with others that are going thru the same thing you are, won't change the circumstances but you can share with each other what you are going thru.

Dorothea - posted on 10/07/2011

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I'm not sure if anyone has suggested it, but you might talk with your primary care provider and see if it's just nerves or something more. I'm NOT saying you are over reacting, and I'm NOT saying there is anything wrong. But it never hurts to talk to them, and see what they can offer. (Not meds. necessary, but suggestions.) They should be able to direct you to support groups, both on and off base. Good luck,and I'm proud of your husband, and YOU! Keep your head up :)

Aileen - posted on 10/05/2011

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Hola
I was in the Air Force and I was married to an Army Man (he is still serving). He left me and my one year old to fight in Desert Shield while I served in Georgia working 12 hour shifts. I had to send my daughter to have a wonderful time with family and friends in Chicago while I spent a lot of time working worrying watching the news and crocheting. My parents have the afghan blanket to this day (22 years), it was my first blanket my first child my first of many things. I got through it and so will you. 2nd war he was gone again for a year we had two children during that time. Our daughter is serving in the Navy now and just came back from her first deployment and my son is speaking to recruiters about joining the US Air Force Woohoo!!! When my daughter left for the Navy it was very hard maybe even harder for me, but what she said to me is very important. When she came back from basic she said “Mom the letters and pictures is what kept me going and made me smile and laugh”. So did their Dad and so did I when I left to basic a long time ago. Be strong, take care of yourself, send your love and devotion and make him laugh.

Ellen - posted on 10/04/2011

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I'm a military wife with four children. It IS difficult but it does get easier. Remember, you are serving right alone with him. Your support, love and patience will help him do his job AND keep him safe. If he is distracted by worrying or stressing about you and what is going on back home, it can be a dangerous thing...whether it is in regards to his life or your relationship. Celebrate his patriotism by sending him fun care packages. The more you think of him, the less you'll think about how miserable you are. It really is mind over matter, and easier said than done....but it is possible. My husband has been deployed before, so I've been there, done that. Currently, he's been gone on this deployment for over 8 months. After a while, you get into a groove - and things get better. Make time for yourself, enjoy your baby because he can't. Think of how hard it must be for him to be away from you guys, and missing his little boy growing up. You are BOTH serving our country. Your role in this is extremely important. You can do this!!!

Alyssa - posted on 10/04/2011

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I'm a military spouse we have two kids my husband just finished his 2nd 7 month deployment. Trust me it will be hard at first....it'll get easier though!

Claudia Joan - posted on 10/04/2011

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please stand behind your Husband ..he wants what is best for you the son and his country..try and get into a group of other young mothers that are also home with a young family...be proud for what he stands for..

Justine - posted on 10/04/2011

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I am not a military wife but I do work on a navy base and attend these graduations every 3 weeks our capt always gives a speech and one of his quotes that stick out right now is "those who sit and wait also serve!" I hope you know your husband is in good hands and soon he will be home with his family! I think it takes a lot of courage to be a military wife! You will soon be reunited and love like never before! Keep your head up girl and def get into a support group. It will help to know your def not the only one :)

Becky - posted on 10/04/2011

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My Husband and I married in Janurary 1986 and He left for Germany in May of 1987 I, thought I was going to loose my mind, but I went back to work as a Nurse Technician, and put my mind on helping those who could not help themselve's. I found out that I felt better talking to the older people as well, So try to get involved with someone who can encourage you. The other thing I found is to pray for your Husband, yourself, and you baby. You have to be the cover for them now! In time it will get better. Be blessed! I will stand in the gap for you and your family. I will be praying for Strength! Evangelist Becky B.

Charmine - posted on 10/04/2011

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I like some of the others have a husband that is a truck driver, he left back on the road for 2 weeks at a time when our son was a week old. I know it is a struggle to cope and get into a normal routine again. When you talk to him or write letters try to include some of the things that your son is doing (little milestones) if he is babbling more or looks to be cutting teeth. Im sure your husband is feeling lonely being away from you, try to be supportive of what he is doing, and include in your letters you understand why he is serving his country but you do miss him. I agree with some of the others as well, many communities have play groups you can get involved with where you are getting out of the house with your son and meeting families with children the same age, and of course the military does have excellent support groups for wives. My brother is a Marine and recently married and his wife has found 2 groups where they live that she has joined, she swears it has helped her tremendously with her blues of being a military wife. Good luck to you, and thank your husband for all he is doing to support our country.

Heather - posted on 10/04/2011

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Anicko, you are not being over dramatic, but you have to find a way that you can deal with this or cope with his absence a little easier. I know what you are going through and there is no one that will understand like a fellow Military wife. My husband was in the military and did two tours. His last one was 15 months! I had our second child without him, he didn’t meet her until she was 6 months old and only for his 2 week R&R and finally came home when she was 11 months. The first 4 months of his deployment I was in my last 4 months of pregnancy and was a MESS! I You need to get involved with your FRG or support groups that are in your area. I really never was active in FRG, I really didn’t feel I wanted to, but I had a great friend whose husband was deployed with my husband, we became best friends and because of her and our support for one another we got through. You have to ask for help if you need it and lean on those who are willing to support you. Being a military wife is an amazing job, we have to deal with so much. Don’t be hard on yourself you can and will overcome, not only for yourself or for your husband but for that little baby. Be proud to be a military wife, it’s a hard job!! Be proud of your husband and be strong for him, it’s just has hard for him to be away than it is for you. I wish you the best of luck.

Anicko - posted on 10/03/2011

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Thank you so so so so much you guys. You have no idea how helpful you guys are to me. Being a mother at a very young age is not easy, let alone a single mom at a young age. I don't like being alone because it makes me even more sad and depressed because I know that if my husband is here with me, he wouldn't want me to be by myself. I'm doing my best to stay strong for my little baby. I hope he doesn't get deployed because I know to myself that I will take it even harder. He's always wanted to serve and protect our country. I salute all the mothers and wives who have children and spouses overseas.

Lisa - posted on 10/03/2011

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My husband is a truck driver and when he took jobs that required him to be on the road for more than one day, it was hard. I won't gloss it over for you - you will have good days, and you will have days where you wish he never left. It does become easier to deal with as time passes, but you will still have good days and bad days. Your best option is to do what others have suggested and find a local support group for military wives. Also join a local mom forum and network; make new friends, go on some events and outings, have some of them over for playdates, etc. Exchange babysitting with another mom so you (and she) can have time to yourself; you may have errands to run, or just want to do some leisurely shopping without having to push a stroller all over the mall... Whatever the case, you CANNOT go it alone. You NEED others. Talk to your husband whenever you can; but IMO you should not let on just how hard this is on you right now, because it will distract him - and in the military, a distraction can be dangerous. It's okay to let him know that it's a struggle for you, but do some of the suggestions you have gotten so you can ALSO tell him that you are finding ways to improve things and make it easier. Hobbies are another good idea; or, what about returning to school? Most colleges offer online courses (all five of mine this semester are online, including an anatomy/physiology course). You could do the coursework and take tests without ever having to leave the house or worry about finding childcare. Whatever you choose to do, good luck!

April - posted on 10/03/2011

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Hi My name is Apri and I am 33 years old. My husband and I have been together since i was 13 and he was 16. He joined The Army National Guard When he was 17 almost 18. Its hard, we have 3 kids, ages 13, 11, and 9 and he had to do a tour in Iraq in 2003, it wasnt any easier for us then, than it was when we were just dating and first joined. I can tell u it helps if you are active with the Military's Family Group and if you can pick up a hobby. It helps the time to pass more quickly. Family support from his and your family is a must....Good Luck...........

Ruth - posted on 10/03/2011

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I would suggest you check around and see if there is a group for the wives of deployed service men. Most places near air bases have one. If not find the chaplan or someone there who could direct you to a group where you would be with other wives of servicemen and understand what you are going through.

Patti - posted on 10/03/2011

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The first post by 'me' was from my oldest daughter. She followed in my footsteps, as I followed in my mother's and grandmother's, etc. We are a Military family going back generations. Mostly Navy. You will find that you have a ton of support and shoulders to cry on. The Military is it's own family, no matter the branch. Keep your head up and thank you, all of you, for your spouses service....

Sheri - posted on 10/03/2011

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I have been arround the military since 1979. I was in and got out when I met my husban in 1982. Each of the post have given you some really good advice. You can also go to militaryonesource.com they have alot of resources as well as coouncelors to talk to. They have infrmation that they will send to you for free. You will find that the military is an extended family but you have to make the first step and ask for help. Get involved as much as you can and each day you will find that things will get better. Make sure you eat get enough rest and physical activity. I also work for family advocacy on base. When you find out what base he will be at I can give you a contact number for our office and the Airmen and Family Readiness center. I wish you the best in your new adventure. Sheri

Amber - posted on 10/03/2011

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I have been Navy wife for about almost 6yrs now and it still bothers me but i have found that keeping busy and talkin to friends and family a lot really helps just keep ur head up and before u know it he will be back i hope everything gets better

Diana - posted on 10/03/2011

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My husband and I have been married for 8 1/2 years, he joined the AF almost 7 years ago. We just had kids 2 years ago, so at first, all I had to worry about on deployments was myself. This deployment (he's in Iraq), we have 2 babies and it's much more difficult. Our youngest was only 3 months when he left, so getting out of the house with both of them was almost impossible. But now we're 2 months into the deployment and having a routine REALLY helps. Find things to do to keep you and your baby busy...outside of the house. B/c once winter comes, it gets even harder to get out. But it does get better. And you'll really love the benefits the AF has to offer. #1 being job security!!

Patti - posted on 10/03/2011

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Just think of this as a "trial run" for when he deploys. I have been a Military Wife for almost two years. Best thing to do is to surround yourself with positive people, and keep your self busy. Try finding some Military Wives or AF Wives pages, and you can do a lot of venting, and girls will understand, and will be able to help you. I know going from spending all your time with him, to none is hard, but being married to the Military, you will learn to be married, but, pretty much a single parent. And its basic, nothing to fret too much about.-Kriste

Ashley - posted on 10/03/2011

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It's always hard at first. I'm not a wife but I've been with my boyfriend who's a submariner for the USN for two years now and he's played the daddy roll in my daughters life and he is all she knows. You just have to keep busy and keep your head up. Staying busy helps the most.. if you're not doing anything it leaves too much room to think and you're just going to stay bummed out. Hang out with friends and family as much as possible. Pick up new hobbies. Try to focus on you and your son. It never gets easier but it definitely gets more tolerable as time goes on. We have deployment coming up soon which stinks because he JUST got back from deployment two months ago but.. we just have to stay supportive for our loved ones and let them do what they have to do.

Kim - posted on 10/03/2011

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Talk to your mother or your best friend even it it is long distance. If you find your self becoming deeper into the grief go to your dr and see if he thinks a thearpist would help you. I went to one after the death of my mother and it helped alot to talk to someone not connected to the situation and get a new perspective and help,

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/02/2011

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I hope you have lots of family support around you. Lean on them when you need it.

Anicko - posted on 10/02/2011

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Thanks, Im so used to doing everything with my husband. I miss him more and more each day. Especially because I cannot see or talk to him at all. And the fact that yesterday was our 1st wedding anniversary, I took it even harder.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/02/2011

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My husband commutes everyday 3-4 hours to work round trip. I know what it is to miss your husband terribly. Your son is young, so taking him to the park, library, play groups..anything active to help you also. I don't have the experiences that other mothers have with husbands traveling all the time...but I have a taste of it, and can fully sympathize.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/02/2011

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Also, if you go to communities above, click it, then go to "all communities" and type in military moms, or military spouses, or really anything military, it will pull up all the groups for you to choose from. I found the one with the most recent comments on them for you.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/02/2011

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I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I know there are support groups in CoM for military wives going through the same thing as you. I will try to find one for you.

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