Anyone's sex life diminished while pregnant?

Becky - posted on 09/14/2009 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Sorry in advance if there's TMI, but I'm fed up. My husband and I have sex once every 2 weeks since I've been pregnant. I get annoyed,make some comments,we do it,but then go another 10 days,if not 2 weeks,without making love. I am frustrated of constantly getting annoyed about this. Is there other men like this out there,and what should I do?

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Jocelyn - posted on 09/14/2009

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oh man, all i wanted this pregnancy was sex!!! but alas, my hubby gets weird about it as well...he's ok, up until i actually start looking pregnant. it's been almost 2 months since we last had sex (i take matters into my own hands every night, thank god for porn! and thank god i'm due in 3 weeks lol)
i think that my hubby may suffer from the Madonna-whore complex: in a nutshell it's where the man no longer sees you as "his" (his sex goddess type) but can only see you as the mother type. and in their minds, the mother cannot also be the whore.

[deleted account]

My sex drive rocketed when I was pregnant. My hubby didnt want sex while I was pregnant though - it was nothing to do with my baby bump but because I was so sick right throughout he had to mop up after me pretty much every day which is a bit of a turn off. Also he was worried towards the end date that it might induce me too soon :)



For the women who worry its because of how they look (which I also did)- talk to your partner because more often than not its because they just cant get there head around having sex when the baby is right there (I know the one time logic eludes the masculine majority) and hearing him say it does help even if only a little :)

Brandilyn - posted on 09/15/2009

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my husband didn't want to have sex either. i can empathize with you. i think by the time i was 5 months or so it was out of the question (totally freaked him out). it really takes a toll on your self esteem. but once she was born he was counting down the days. men...

Clarice - posted on 09/17/2009

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No my husband and and i still enjoyed sex i think ur hormones are really crazy when ur pregnant. I really made givin birth to my children so much easier.

Nicole - posted on 09/15/2009

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I have the same problem but it's the other way around I'm the one that can go weeks without it, with the sickness and feeling so tired I just don't have the drive....at the end of my pregnancy my husband becomes nervous thinking that he could hurt the baby...maybe he is afraid??

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Sarah - posted on 03/18/2012

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I found with both my pregnancies, 1st trimester he wanted it, I didn't. 2nd trimester, it was about equal and normal. 3rd trimester I wanted it (a lot!) and he didn't.

Barb - posted on 03/18/2012

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My boyfriend wanted to have sex all the time in the first trimester and I was so tired and sick I didn't put wasn't very excited about it. Now in my second trimester my sex drive has came back and we are having sex every day again and lovin' it once again! He seems to be super turned on my breast size, my little bit of weight gain and even my belly.

Vanessia - posted on 09/16/2009

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Wow just had my baby a month ago. Went through that in my first pregnacy but after that it gets better. i think men feel they will either hurt you or the baby. But with my second pregnacy i demanded it!!! Lol so at that point it wsnt an issue

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I got the same problem. My partner is so paranoid about crushing the baby, and refused to try different positions either. Im currently 35weeks, havent had sex for 2 week, and on top of that he was also told not to touch me for at least 4 weeks after I give birth (coz of the 'being highly fertile' thing) So it looks like Im going without for a while :-(

Terri - posted on 09/15/2009

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glad to hear others have this problem. i've got 4 kids and have always had a great increase in my already high sex drive during the first few months and my husbands has diminished. oh well at least others have the same problem

Patience - posted on 09/15/2009

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i think you should talk to him and find out wht his fears are and why he does that. you should also sit down and tell him how you are feeling and what you are going through. reassure him that all is fine and that its healthy to actually have sex during pregnacy

Sarah - posted on 09/15/2009

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I went through the same thing with my husband, as much as he denies it I think it had a lot to do with my changing body and the hormones (remember men also go through changes during the pregnancy too). I found that mutual play worked great for both of us, I found most positions to be very uncomfortable while I was pregnant and this way I could be however I was comfortable that day. And Helen Smith is right it comes back stronger than ever, our daughter is 3 months old now and I for their most part can't get enough now. Remember talking to each other about it will also help a lot he's probably just as frustrated as you are.

Sara - posted on 09/15/2009

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WHEN I WAS PREGANAT MY BOYFRIEND WON'T TOUCH ME UNTILL ONE DAY I LAY DOWN IN BED WITH HIM AND TALK ABOUT WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND AND WHY HE DIDN'T LIKE HAVE SEX WITH ME AND THEN I WOULD TELL HIM THAT HE CAN'T HURTED ME OR THE BABY AND THAT THERE SO MANY WAYS TO HAVING SEX WITHOUT HIM SEEN MY BELLY AND THEN I TOLD HIM HOW I FEELED AND SOMETIME I WOULD DRESS UP IN SEXY THING'S HEY JUST BECUASE YOU GOT A BUN IN THE OVEN DOSEN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN'T TRY WEAR SOMETHING OR TRY GIVE HIM A BJ FIRST OR TALK DRITY IT WORK'S

Meg - posted on 09/14/2009

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i agree with everyone else, you're not alone! i have gotten really frustrated with being frustrated, LOL! However, now I'm bigger and I sort of glad that we don't have sex too often. Still.. it's more like once a week, not once every two weeks. That would really drive me nuts!

Helen - posted on 09/14/2009

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Hey becky, YES i had a non existent sex life while i was pregnant, but trust me when you give birth and after the initial shock of havin your little bundle, you sex drive will be back, stronger than ever!!!!

Mel - posted on 09/14/2009

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OH MY GOODNESS! When I was pregnant the first time, my husband grew more and more anxious as my belly grew. He was fearful of hurting the baby, hitting the baby in the head (I laughed and laughed at that one) and toward to end of the pregnancy the only way we would make love was him from behind. I think if the belly was out of sight, it was kind of out of mind. Then with the second pregnancy he just wouldnt have sex. He said it freaked him out after seeing our first sons birth and thinking about where the baby was going to come out of again. This again was humerous to me.

But yes its very frustrating. We all have sexual needs and desires and its only natural to feel those. ANd not feel bad about them.

Perhaps a way to get around it (if you and your husband are both open minded) would be to invest in some adult toys. A vibrator can do wonderful things in the bed room. and if your husband (Like mine was) was fearful, or anxious about the act itself, then this quashes those anxieties for him. You can both feel aroused and full fill your needs in a different way. It doesnt always have to be about intercourse.

Im sure it will get back to normal real soon, in the meantime explore other avenues and see how much fun you can have!! Being pregnant doesnt have to mean being a sexless creature!!! Thats what got you there in there first place!!!!! :-) Good luck

Alex - posted on 09/14/2009

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You are not alone, it's been the same for me since I found out I was prego. The only response I get from my husband is that "it's wierd". The only help I can offer from my own expeirence is to express to him that nothing is going to bother the baby and it's still important to you to make love and that intamacy is very important to you. This usually works for me. I hope it helps you out!!! Good luck.

User - posted on 09/14/2009

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during my two pregnancy my sex drive was 10 plus plus. in the first stages of the pregnancy my husband was fine. but, as my belly grow his desire for sex changed. we talked about it and he felt that he would hurt the baby. i dont believe you said how far along you were, but brace yourself it gets worse. let him know that he is not hurting the baby get a book about having sex during pregnancy and maybe that will help him but more comfortable with the idea good luck!!!!!

Tara - posted on 09/14/2009

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For my husband and I it hasn't really diminished, although at 39 weeks pregnant right now it's a little awkward. My husband cut me off at the end of my pregnancy with our daughter (now 18 months) because my doctor put me on partial bedrest and told me not to do any "strenuous" activity - he took that to mean sex as well and voluntarily stopped, even though I still was okay with having sex. With this pregnancy, we've slowed down a little at this point because it's just super awkward finding a position that works, and the baby is pressing on my kidneys so we have to work around that too.
For the first little while after I had our daughter I was pretty sick so he told me he'd hold off until I was feeling well - after that we were fine again.

I think that sometimes guys are just worried they'll hurt you or the baby, but if you've talked to him about it and he knows that isn't an issue then I'd say talk to him again to find out if there are any other reasons, especially since your hormones are saying "go for it".

Courtney - posted on 09/14/2009

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uh... when I was pregnant sex was non-existant. My son is 6 weeks old and still not much better! I have been told it does get better though...so I am just waiting....

Amy - posted on 09/14/2009

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We have talked about it and it dosen't seem to change. I want sex, my hormones are crazy.

Aubree - posted on 09/14/2009

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My husband would have sex with me for about the first 2 months. I told him that the baby couldn't see him, he wasn't going to poke her eye out or cause her to be some sex driven teen later on in life. After I had that conversation he was fine, we actually had a ton of sex all the way up until the baby was born. Try doing positions where he can't see the baby, that might be throwing him off.I hope this helps.

Paige - posted on 09/14/2009

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My partner and I were the opposite. Prior to falling pregnant i was always nagging him for sex, then once we were pregnant, having sex was the last thing i wanted to do, i would have rather cleaned or gone to the dentist. He just couldnt get enough. But since having our daugher all has returned to normal.



Hang in there, talk to him about it. He most probably has some stupid misconception about how hes going to poke the baby in the head or something like that.

Rebecca - posted on 09/14/2009

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My hubby didn't want to have sex while I was pregnant after around 30 weeks cause it freaked him out when the baby would move during.

Carolanne - posted on 09/14/2009

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Pregnancy puts a strain on both sides when it comes to sex. There are a lot of feelings, thoughts, and emotions that can get in the way of intimacy. I was the one on our end who didn't want to as much. And then there would be a week where I all the sudden wanted to all the time. But try not to get too frustrated or stressed, things will go back to normal at some point. Talk to him about it.

Martha - posted on 09/14/2009

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I'm confused if this is your choice or your husbands. I'm not married but when I was pregnant I didn't want any men neat me or I had no desire for sex. I wanted to keep my baby untainted by anyone other than her father and since her dad was out of the picture I did not want to sleep with anyone else. For these reasons I understand if your not wanting to be intimate. If you are wanting to be intimate I believe since your married if their are no complications in your pregnancy Intimacy is fine. If your husband is the reason for fewer sexual encounters maybe he has some secret concerns for his unborn child. Whatever is happening I hope you can discuss it and maybe things can go back to normal in the intimate part of your relationship.

Samantha - posted on 09/14/2009

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Im 33 weeks pregnant now and its been 2 weeks since DH and I made love. The last time we did he "came" instantly...so we tried again about 4 hours later and he just went completely flacid. The only thing that I can think of is that Im not a size 4 anymore. Which makes my cry...ugh...as if I didnt have enough weird emotional stress. Now I have sexual tension. I dont know what to do. He assures me that he isnt afraid of hurting the baby, hes gone to all the Dr. Apps. with me. They encourage intercourse, just not rough sex or deep penetration. So again the only conclusion is my weight. And it hurts. I wish I could help you but I cant. I guess I just used your post as a vent session. Sorry.

Erica - posted on 09/14/2009

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my husband was like that too. he wasn't afraid of hurting the baby, but he was weirded out by having sex because all he could think about was the baby!

Caitlyn - posted on 09/14/2009

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It was like that with me too, except it was my sex drive that was completely gone...I think that it's just so different that it's hard to adjust for some people

Jessica - posted on 09/14/2009

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Some men are freaked out by it. I know my friends husband was freaked out and worried about hurting the baby. Just ask him if you being pregnant bothers him and let him know that he is not going to hurt the baby.

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