Anyone suffered Domestic Violence?

Sharon - posted on 11/06/2008 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hi there, I just thought i would stop by and introduce myself. I am Shaz. I am a 25 yr old single mum to 5 yr old Nichole. We live in Adelaide SA, Australia. I have been a single mum for just over a year. I left an abusive man and i must say it's the best and hardest thing i have ever done. I didn't have much support when i left him but am building up my support network. I have just started a group for other's in my situation if you are interested the link is http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/gr... I hope to make this a haven for sufferer's ad survivors of DV, a place for them to come, get advice, chat and make new and valuable friends. I do hope to see you there.



I would like to touch base with others who have been or are still in abusive relationships. My ex is still controlling and abusing me.....I need help!



Shaz xx

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Hi Shaz,



I'm also a dv survivor and know just what you're experiencing. I'm not a ministry founder and dv victim advocate and community trainer.



One of the very best things you can do is get a Restraining Order. Every state is different about exactly how to go about getting one but, most of the time, you would go to your local courthouse to fill out paper work.



I would highly recommend contacting a local dv shelter for women and speaking with one of the advocates. Many shelters have legal advocates that can also be of huge help. You do not have to be staying in shelter to receive their services.



I'm so proud of you for getting out and making hard decisions to make a better life for you and your daughter! You and your daughter are special and do not deserve abuse!



Feel free to check out my website below and contact me if you have any questions or need further assistance. It's not an easy road but you're not alone!



=======

I'm a single mom, domestic violence & sexual abuse survivor, ordained minister and ministry founder. My ministry is called Signal On Ministries and we function to encourage/resource victims/survivors of domestic violence & their children as well as educate religious/secular communities on how to recognize/respond to situations of dv. www.signalonministries.org

Claire - posted on 11/16/2008

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Oh, my goodness. The divorce is taking quite a long time. Because of my lack of financial resources and because of the seriousness of events that happened. I feel very blessed and grateful for the fact that I have main custody and my son's father only receives restricted visitations. I still worry constantly when he is with his father though.

It's been such a long process. And if you go through this, just remember to stay strong and stay optimistic. It's been so stressful and emotional, I can't even describe. It is so difficult, knowing that the fate of your child's safety is partly controlled by the courts. But if you get all of your information and details together and are honest from the beginning, it will be so much easier.

I'm glad to hear that you're taking a stand. I know how difficult that is. Especially when you care about someone so much. Even now, I am very much in love with my soon to be ex-husband. And it hurts to see him. Not just seeing him; it brings back all the hurt that he ever did to me and to my son in our past and our future. It hurts that he altered the future my son and I could have had with him. But I know that it is for the best, and we will have a happier future apart from his father.

I hope that you are able to stay strong and safe, and stay sane! It's a very long emotional road, but you will feel so much better. A weight will be lifted. You shouldn't live in fear for your child(ren) or yourself ever. I think getting over being through domestic violence takes a lot of strength, bravery, tears, and time. I hope that you take care. And if you ever need any advice or just wish to talk to someone about their experiences or feelings you can always send me a message.

Jennifer - posted on 11/16/2008

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I've been there too and it is no fun you name it and it happened but i left a year ago with my daughter and do not regret anything but going back time after time i too have started a cause called PEOPLE AGAINST ABUSE as a safe place to ask questions from one battered woman to another feel free to join...and it will get worse...get out or get help or both ASAP or it will ruin your life as long as it is there

Ashley - posted on 11/16/2008

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Hi, i read ur message and my heart went out 2 u, i have just kicked my ex out after 14 years of hell, we have 3 children boys of 12,11 and 9, the 1st 3 1/2 years were the worse D.V , after that he controlled me so much that just the fear of what he could do kept me from my diong anything about him, of course the mental abuse didnt stop, even when he left me 2 live with other woman 3 times he still controlled me so much i took him back after theyed split up!! we didnt have a sexual relationship for just under 10 years, he slept in the front room. he then started to control the boys stopping any influence i had over them from banning them from playing football because i interupted a conversation they were having to telling them they could call me a whore if i got on thier nerves!! i plucked up all of my courage and all my resorses bout 2 months ago, went to the C.A.B, a solisitor, and finally the police i found out every out come of what i could do after i kicked him out, then 1 day bout 2 weeks ago he went 2 work i changed the front door lock left a note on the door saying he didnt live here anymore and took the kids and went away 4 a few days, as soon as i changed thr locks on the front door i took back control of my life ( well nearly) he still trys 2 control me through the kids but because of all the information i found out he cant intimidate me quite so much, dont get me wrong the fear of him is still there in the back of my mind, so my message 2 u is u have 2 stay strong 4 ur little girl, there will be a future 4 u the light is very dim but it will become brighter as u reach ur goal xx if u ever want a chat im at ashleyjoannemarg@hotmail.com x

Sharon - posted on 11/16/2008

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Thanks Claire,



I have decided that enough is enough. I am tired of being scared and controlled. I want my life back.



How is yur divorce going?



Shaz

Claire - posted on 11/15/2008

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I, myself, suffered a relationship that involved domestic violence (starting when I became pregnant). It got to the point where I had to have a protection order against my husband four months after we became married. I agree with you, that it has to be one of the hardest things to do, even though you know it is what you need to do. It has been very hard for me. There is still that lingering attachment, that you somehow need to severe.

If your ex is still harassing or hurting you, I suggest that you do something to protect yourself and your child(ren). I know it's very hard; emotional, stressful, scary. I've been there. (I am still going through a long battling divorce that started a year ago!) But in the end it is worth it. You and your children deserve to be safe, healthy, and happy!

Sharon - posted on 11/10/2008

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Thanks Diana,

I will definately will be praying for strength and safety. I really thought once i was out it would be alot easler than this.



Marcy,

Your story brings me hope of a light at the end of a tunnel. Good on you for getting out and moving on with your life. You are a remarkable woman.



Kristin,

You are right it does seem easier to go back at times but i am done with that. I know i have reached a point where its over for good and i need to focus on getting over everything he did to me and re-programming the way i think.



Hugs Shaz

Kristin - posted on 11/10/2008

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I left a relationship before we had kids, I was just a sophmore in college. But I am/was a child advocate at a domestic violence shelter. I can praise you for leaving. I just encourage you that you are doing the right thing. It is hard and somedays it can seem easier to go back especially when your daughter misses her dad. I encourage you to stay strong. You are an amazing woman!

Marcy - posted on 11/10/2008

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Hi Shaz! I am new as of today! But I know just what you going through. I was in a situation just like that for 10 yrs. with 2 little boys. I finally got the courage to leave in 2001. It, too, was the best and hardest thing I've ever done. The boys dad and I get along better now than we ever did. But it was still the best thing to do for me and the boys to get out of that situation. They still saw/see him, but at least they are not subjected to those things on an every day basis. He's continued to do the same things with another woman throughout this whole time. But the boys have had a safe place to be and great role models in their lives. It can get better. I remarried 4 years ago and we have a 2 year old. We all have a great time and the big boys really love their little brother and stepdad. There is definitely hope!



Marcy

Diana - posted on 11/10/2008

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Shaz...I left a horrible marriage 7 years ago before we had kids. It was mainly verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse and the physical abuse was just starting. Hang in there. Stay strong for both you and your child. If you're a praying person...pray like you never have before for strength, wisdom, safety, comfort, friendships, guidance, etc. Read the Psalms when David was persecuted God was still there. Get a restraining order from the police if you can. Don't engage him in a conversation if it's hurtful...calmly say we can talk later when you calm down and leave or hang up the phone. I'll be praying for you.

Diana

Sharon - posted on 11/09/2008

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Thanks Heidi, I really do need help and advice about my situation. Thanks for sharing the poem....I have seen it before and every time i read it it tears at my heart.



Shaz

Heidi - posted on 11/07/2008

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Just something I got n a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COURSE

I GOT FLOWERS TODAY!!!

I got flowers today, it wasn't my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night! And he said alot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, BECAUSE he send me flowers today.

I got flowers today, it wasn't our aniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me against the wall and started chocking me. It seemed like a nightmare!! I couldn't believe it was real, Yet I woke up this mornig sore and bruised all over, BUT I know he is sorry, because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers! It wasn't Mother's day or any other special day. Last night he beat me up again!! Much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave, but I know he is sorry, BECAUSE he sent me flowers today.

I GOT FLOWERS TODAY, LOTS OF FLOWERS, TODAY WAS A VERY SPECIAL DAY. TODAY I WAS LAID TO REST!!!!!!

Last night he finally beat me to death................
IF ONLY I HAD GATHERED ENOUGH COURAGE AND STRENGTH TO LEAVE HIM, I WOULD NOT HAVE GOT SO MANY FLOWERS ....... TODAY.

STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TODAY!!!!!!!

DON'T TOLERATE IT. IT DESTROYS INNOCENCE

User - posted on 11/07/2008

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I don't suffer DV, but I have plenty of friends that have/do...I think it's wonderful that you had the courage to get you and your child OUT! Many women think they can't do it without their abusive spouse...so I applaud you for that.

Heidi - posted on 11/07/2008

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I didn't suffer DV Sharon, but I'm woking with it, and if you dont get help the problem will just get worse! You can email me on heidinolan@telkomsa.net if you want. Ask your questions or even just need someone to share your thoughts.

Heidi

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