Tom - posted on 02/27/2016 ( 16 moms have responded )
Not sure if i'm aloud to re-post a link from a old chat on here but its really frustrated me reading some off the rude irresponsible comments on there. So here it is.
Now i'm a father of two. I have two boys. Its my youngest boys first birthday today and my oldest is three in June.
Now i'm going to start this conversation of with telling you all my oldest child is not biologically mine. BUT I DO NOT CARE. He is still my child. I am still with the same girl, and i love her and both of my children lots. We was seeing eachother at a young age and things didnt work out well so we broke up. she got with another boy and fell pregnant.
The father to my oldest child is an waste of space low life C**T (sorry admin for useing that language i did star it but when you read on you will understand the reason for my bad language about this BOY)
When my girlfriend was with this boy he cheated on her multiple times but the one time which hurt her the most was a couple of days after she found out she was pregnant he cheated on her with her best friend... She stayed with him with major trust issues for the babys sake not her own and he cheated again. (The one thing this boy will regret for the rest of hes life) This was it she put her self first and left him but still told him he could see hes son, despite everything he done.
now the baby was born she got put into a mother and baby unit as she was only 17. The boy was irregularly turning up to a children centre to see hes son for the 1st six months of hes life, thats when i come along.
December 12th i was at my local town and the 'DAD' started on my friend as i walked into a shop. I turnt round and saw the 'DA'D' grabbing my friend. No i cant have that can i my friend is a woos in the most nicest way possible where as me i am not. I am one of them types that will fight anyone that intimidates a weaker person and specially someone who is trying to intimidate MY friend, no thats not going down so i approached him and he got a bit 'brave' should i say so i threw a couple of punches to hes ribs.
No violence is not the answer i can see that now but back then i had nothing to loose i was immature but still to this day i would never let someone intimate my friend or family no way, i would die for my close friends and family. END OFF!
anyway i got arrested for this and at a later date got charged for ABH which because i was over 18 it has now gone onto my record for how ever long.
December 13th was the 1st day i met my non biological son and my loving partner.
From december 13th. Now the babys FIRST CHRISTMAS im expecting the father to be spoiling him as there is now a new man in the house looking after hes ex partner and hes son.. Guess what... not even a wish him a merry Christmas no card and no toys not one thing from the babys fathers side of the family... Even my mother bought him something and at this point she hadnt even met him. How can he do this to hes first born child? The boy did not see hes son for 3 months (only because of a catch up thing through social services) and that was it. Despite being told this would be hes last chance of seeing hes son without a valid reason.
The next time he see him was around a week before hes 1st birthday... AGAIN at a social service catch up meeting and was told this will actually be hes last chance as its not fair on me my partner or my child.
The babys first birthday come and he didnt even try to contact my partner to wish him a happy birthday or anything no card no presents nothing and what makes it worse none of hes family did not even hes mother.. Thats her first grandson how?!?! why?!?!
Now me and my partner are fuming. She told him how he is never seeing hes son again. And who can blame her come on now, How can this boy have such a lovely beautiful little boy and not bother trying to see him and making an effort to be part of hes sons life?
Around one week later we had some great news...
We took a cheap pregnancy test because my partner had thoughts she may be pregnant and it had a faint line. we wasn't sure if she was pregnant so we walked to our friends and on the way payed i think £15 for a clear blue week pregnancy test and guess what.. it confirmed she was 1-2 weeks pregnant :D. I was so happy that the child i call son is now going to have a little brother. We rang the hospital to get a scan done to just confirm cos with her first child she went to hospital and they said she wasn't pregnant till around 2 months being pregnant and didnt show up on pregnancy tests so we thought she may of been more than that. we went there and they confirmed she is pregnant and our baby will be due 2ND March 2015 I couldnt wait... My first biological child. My friends was so happy my family was so happy her family was so happy despite only being together 6 months i proved myself a father to her parents.
The weeks went by still no word from him and as times gone past hes now calling me dad and our bond is getting stronger and stronger. The most memorable day i think i had with my son was introducing him to my Nan. She only met him once when i was at the local town. She was suffering from cancer all over the hardest news ive ever had to deal with.
Her health was deteriorating very quickly and because of this i couldn't even tell her that my partner was pregnant, my Nan was suffering and she loved kids she had already had a bond my son from only meeting him that once. If she had known this she would of held on to meet him despite all the pain she was going through. she needed to rest now shes done enough for us all she was honestly the best nan ever even when i was a very naughty teenager and getting arrested she would allways take me in even after being kicked out of my parents house for the house being searched, doing drugs and even as sever as hitting my dad (her only son) she still took in. she loved us all and now was her time to go. The hardest day of my life i was at work and my mum gave me the option to go to the hospice she was staying at or not, the reason she said this was my nan had a seizure and never recovered back to normal so she didnt want this to be the last thing i remember of her. But she told me she thinks this is going to be the last day i can see her alive. My mum said she couldnt go she felt ill and she felt so bad i said mum do what you think is best if your not well you cant go she will understand but I said i am going. My mum cried down the phone i had to walk away from my boss i felt embarrassed to cry in front of him but i thought about it, why should i. shes the only person through everything has took me in and loved me. The day at work took longer than planned i thought i wasnt going to say goodbye. i got there just in time i was there for around 20-30 minutes then she passed. September 14th 2014 the day the strongest most loving women in my life passed away. Who have i got to look after me and pick me up when i fall down? no one i felt lonely.. i didnt know what to do with my life.
i went to my girlfriends dads house as my partner was there with the baby. That was the moment i realised i cant give up. i have a pregnant girlfriend and a little boy whos looking up to me as hes dad. i couldnt do what hes dad done. i could of easyly done something stupid that day. not going to lie i thought about it. but i see them, and i couldn't.
Like i said before i wasnt the best child but my nan allways loved me she never ever treated me different despite what was going on. All ive ever thought is was she proud of me.. The answer is difficult to answer because i was just proving my self. Like i said the day before i got back into contact with my partner i was arrested and this wasnt the first time. i was working at the time but only on and off it wasnt permanent, so she wouldnt of been proud of that. The only thing she would of been proud of would be settling down being off the drugs for years now and not been arrested for almost a year. i calmed down a lot, thats the one thing about children if you have them you will know what i mean you cant be that imature child anymore your now a rolemodel so i did step up in the last 9 months of my nans life if she was proud of me at this point or not im not sure but i do hope so.
My sons Second Christmas comes SURELY this boy is going to try and make and effort... are you having a laugh same as last Christmas and birthday absolutely nothing.. No wish him a merry Christmas nothing..
February 27th my girlfriend was haveing contractions i was so excited im going to see my little man for the 1st time. i can not wait... my girlfriend told me to go on my driving lesson cos there not that regular and there not that strong so what do i go and do. listen to her and go...
i'm on my final driving lesson before my test next week, its a double lesson so 2 hours.. half way through i get a phone call... its my girlfriends little sister is hysterical down the phone saying my girlfriend is going into labour... what? i pulled over my instructor drove me back to her father in laws house i get 5 minutes away i get another phone call... her little sister told me how my partner had given birth before the ambulance got there and she had to deliver it for her. (shes only 14 btw)...
my heart dropped but i said if your lieing im not going to be happy.. there was no crying in the background so i sat in the passenger seat of my driving instructors car 5 minutes away no shes just winding me up isnt she, isnt she???
i got out the car the ambulance is there at this point i run in the house there her little sister at the top of the stairs holding what looks like tin foil.. me laughing as i walk up the stairs i said see i knew you was lieing my heart is back where its meant to be i got closer it moved... that was her moving her arm i thought.
i get to the top of the stairs and there i see it wasnt tin foil.. my little boy was in this insulated blanket thing to keep him warm... i was so upset i only just missed my first born child being born that special moment seeing him enter this world i didnt even get to cut hes cord, and what makes it worse i wasnt there for my partner she just had her little sister there as the ambulance turnt up just before me.
went to the hospital with my Little man i remember holding him the whole way in the ambulance i was so proud of me and my partner. we have produced a lovely beautiful blue eyed little boy.
My mum and dad and brothers turned up to the hospital to meet there 1st born grandson and nephew..
Everything was fine a lovely healthy little boy. i didnt wanna let him go i didnt want to put him down i love this little boy so much.
We got home EVENTUALLY about 8 hours later... My girlfriends 1st born hasent even met hes little brother.
The one thing my girlfriend said was never to treat him different to my own child which i replied he is my child as well. The dad has not seen hes son in almost a year. That's not a dad, a dad is someone who is there for the child being its older roll model someone to look up the father figure in hes life and that defonatly is not that cheating little scumbag that has not ever bought him a birthday or Christmas card.. i sit there and it bugs me.. how can someone have a child and not want nothing to do with hes child. Even if something happened between me and my partner i would never ever do what this boy has done i would do everything to see them.
My oldest sons second birthday no message nothing... at this point ive given up with him hes had hes chances he can kiss it mate..
my girlfriend looks on hes facebook hes put a status up... What? i cant believe it... it was saying something like how hes messed up big time because hes messed up from seeing hes son but wants to wish him a happy birthday. well what can i say he might not of messaged us but he put a status up? does he mean it or is it all for attention? i dont know my girlfriend is asking me what she should do should she let him see it after everything thats gone on. I wasnt happy but i said yes because he MIGHT of changed i dont know and he deserves another chance. he was only young at the time (17) hes now 18 maybe hes grown a pair and wants to man up and be a real man..
i was happy in a way my girlfriends first child is going to have a bond with hes real father... even though hes messed up in the passed he might of matured. Then they decided they would meet up on saturday. But my girlfriend made it very clear if he done the same thing again as last time thats it this is hes last chance to prove himself to be a father. i wanted to message him and tell him if he messed with my Little boys head again i would seriously hurt him but my girlfriend told me not to.. At this point i realised how much this was going to hurt. i then sat there and though How is this boy running in and out of his life doesnt bother messaging seeing how he is or anything then messages nd now hes the dad again... it hurt it felt like my oldest child was being taken away from me.. my father son bond is now going to be stolen by a low life. the boy is still on drugs with all imature tattoos all over hes face and hands.. this isnt something i want my child growing up looking up to. who would?
a few weeks pass every Saturday they met up i felt hurt, everytime he come back he had a new toy or outfit.. at this point work wasnt great so i couldnt match it as much as i wanted to i couldnt.. i need a job i thought..The boy asked to have him over night which i thought was taking the mick... hes been in contact for literally 2-3 weeks and asking for over night staying? is he having a laugh or something? My girlfriend doesnt like to say no to people so she said she would think about it but when she come home she explained how hes whole family was there and hes mum asked. what a cheek her 1st grandchild and she never even bothered getting him a birthday card or christmas card...
She told him how in august he wasnt going to be able to see him for 3 weeks as my parents payed for us to go on holiday :D i was so excited im going on holiday with my girlfriend and my two babys. our first family holiday i couldnt wait.
some time for some father son bonding with my eldest. i couldn't wait.
When my partner told him this he asked for us to go down to where he lives now (hastings) to stay there for a few weeks in a caravan site. is he haveing a laugh? as if im going anywhere near this boy. The amount of hate i have for this boy for taking taking the father son bond away from me and my eldest son. i couldnt... i wouldn't i wouldn't want to snap again at this boy. hes a bully, hes a headf*ck to hes own son walking in and out of hes life when he pleased, cheated on my partner and he thinks i would go down there? no thank you.
like ive made clear to everyone i would not react like this if he was a good dad and bothered with him from the start but he didnt. he didnt even wish him a 1st happy birthday or christmas... that is no dad so why has he got a right to come back into hes life.
i know im being a hypocrite because i previously said he could have another chance but how could i be fine with it? yes deep down i know he deserves one last chance, but i have a bond now hes my son im the one whos changing him waking up in the middle of the night when hes having a bad dream, getting up for him at 7 in the mornings for him this whole time. not this stranger that would rather spend every bit of money on hes tattoos and drugs. i am fuming at this point cos i dont see how he has the cheak to even ask this. but what can i say im just the person whos been there providing for them. im not hes biological dad.
anyways we went on holiday, was only there a couple of days then we had to leave early due to family issues.
i asked my partner not to tell him were home early i wanted to spend the time with him without hes 'dad' being involved, some time with MY FAMILY.
The weekend we was meant to be coming home was getting closer..
im dreading the day this boy messages asking to see him.
the friday before no message? how wierd he saw him every week for the last two months till the holiday and he hasent messaged once??? this isnt like him.
two weeks still nothing? what im confused why isnt this boy messaging no more? this isnt right i thought he changed?
a month later i'm fuming. The boy has still not messaged... so hes come back involved and now hes not bothering again... is he for real? how can he do this to hes child again? im so confused he seemed to have changed wanting to have hes 'son' over night and down hes for a week and now not bothering. my girlfriend messaged him saying youve messed up now youve done it again that is it your not seeing him no more. the relief i had from that message knowing i have my son back and he is staying mine this time... hes mum then messaged my girlfriend saying hes going through a rough time hes broken up with hes girlfriend and hes really upset? excuse me get your prioritys right.. youve been given another chance to build a bond with your son again and youve chose not to because youve broken up with your girlfriend? and getting your mum to write it? come on your meant to be a man, a role model to your 'son' and you cant even message her and write this yourself.
my girlfriend is such a forgiving loving person so when her mum said all this she felt sorry for him because ofcourse she knows him better than me and he apparently deals with break-ups hard? do i care he shouldnt cheat on hes pregnant girlfriend then....
she said he has one more chance to fix up...
my heart dropped again.. ive lost him again to clearly someone who clearly puts hes child second best... how can someone think like that? i really do not know..
now if i remember correctly they met up i think once or twice after that.
Went for a job interview doing merchandising doing 12 hour shifts monday to friday for 3 weeks.. this is where the problems started. how is he going to see hes son because hes not doing it on a weekend cos thats the only time i have with my girlfriend and kids so im going to spend it with them all. I said he cant see him once a month which i think is fair give him enough time to run around getting off hes face on drugs and getting more tattoos because thats what he seems to want to do anyways...
but no like i said before my girlfriend thinks of hes feelings and doesent think its hes fault he was young before now 'heartbroken' so she felt sorry for him. so what we decided to do was when i was at work he could go round her house.. i bet you can imagine how i felt about this i was fuming knowing im at work trying to bring home some money for my children and my girlfriend while this low life tattood face druggy is going to be in her house around my two children. in my eyes hes had to many chances now do you not agree? and now hes going round her house. but i said ok to keep the peace and atleast this way i could spend the weekends with my family which is what i cared about anyways. well my girlfriend told him he could come round during the week so he said either tuesday or thursday for defonate and my girlfriend said let me know if you cant make it on tuesday so i know so i can make sure im free for defonate on thursday..
well guess what tuesday comes no text phonecall or facebook message... so she just thinks he must of been busy he will message tommorow appologising saying hes coming round thursday.. well wednesday comes and still nothing thursday then came and still nothing. the relief i felt was unreal. honestly....
christmas has come nd guess what no message no wishing him a happy christmas. not once has he had a christmas card nor a birthday card from hes biological 'dad'.
and still to this day he has not messaged my girlfriend or me asking how hes 'son' is.
Now do you see why i called him a c**t in the very begining...
now your probably wondering why i am writing this long post about my life story well the reason is this...
In the eyes of the law my eldest son is nothing to me. I have no rights over him at all... if anything happened to my partner (which touch wood it doesn't) then hes 'dad' could fight for him and he would win.. even though hes a low life scum bag who has never even bought him a pack of nappies or baby milk or even wipes... just a few toys which was cheap because thats what he thinks is right. To walk in and out of a young childs life like that is disgusting. How does that work when clearly i am hes father... its out of order the law needs to change
and also has anyone got any advice on this next bit because both me and my girlfriend are both worrying about what to do.
Me and my partner have also both agread we would never lie to him about who hes real 'dad' is so when he grows up he will go to see his dad and that side of the family who will try to twist hes head into thinking we pushed hes dad away which we didnt. but what can we do?
lie to him for him to find out the truth and hate me or tell him the truth and let him go see hes dad and that side of the family to twist hes head and hate both of us?
we are both stuck in the middle and all we have done is try to protect him from someone who is no good. all i want to do is be the father he deserves without him hating me or my partner..
thank you for taking the time to read this.
and thank you in advance for the advice you give.
sorry about the spelling and the punctuation, ive been writing this since around about 3:30 and it is now 7:30..