apology

Rachel - posted on 11/25/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I would like to apologise to anyone I 'offended' with my recent post. I was simply trying to point out there is no wrong or right way to be a parent and the post the first lady put up was wrong but what I was trying to say was I did not judge anyone for not spanking I was saying no one should judge anyone for anything they do as a parent. I would also like to clear up that I am not the 'troll' that put up the first post as I was called but thank-you for making me smile.

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Jenni - posted on 11/25/2011

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You'll find opinions of all types on here. Some moms are hardcore against certain parenting styles. And usually when someone states their "opinion" on a topic it is game on to debate it. However, when a mom is genuinely seeking help or advice. Members tend to be more softer and understanding. I've talked to many moms on here who are against spanking but are reformed spankers themselves and tend to be more sympathetic. I try to promote PD methods over slamming other methods. Or just explain *why* I don't believe in spanking. And no, I'm not going to get my panties in twists over parents who spank as a last resort or at their wits end. Even some PD (positive discipline parents) slip up.



Being a parent may be full of joy and rewarding but it can also be damn well frustrating at times and require more patience than a mama lion. We all experience times when we're at a complete loss of what to do. And that's where I've found this site has helped me and the ladies here have offered amazing advice and support.



I'd love to invite you to our positive discipline community. We offer advice on discipline that doesn't involve spanking. Doesn't mean you have to give up spanking to join, you may just find some more tools to add to your discipline belt. The ladies there offer advice and support in place of judgement: http://www.circleofmoms.com/positive-beh...

Jodi - posted on 11/25/2011

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Unfortunately, Rachel, I think you will find that there are right and wrong ways to be a parent, or there would be no need for Child Protection Services.....so yes, we are judged for the way we parent. There are lines. People do cross them. Who is to say any one person knows exactly where that line is? And that is why people here can be passionate about it - because they have seen that line crossed, or even been on the other end of that. How do you know that the line you have drawn is the right one and not crossing the line of what is legally considered *reasonable*. The answer to that is not *because you are their mother*. There are plenty of parents who think that and then find out they are wrong.

Danielle - posted on 11/26/2011

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I don't think there is any need for you to apologize. It only takes a tiny bit of common sense to realize that you did not mean parents who abuse there children. People on here seem to love to argue and disagree with anyone. As to what you were saying I completely agree, as long as your child is not being harmed by your parenting then it should completely be up to each individual person as to how they parent.

Cate - posted on 11/27/2011

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I was called a horrible horrible person by some stranger mum when i spanked my eldest in public. Yes...it was his b'day, but, he was told 3 times not to do something he wasnt suppose to (he was chucking a temer tantrum) and for that, i spanked him on his backside (he was wearing a pull up as he hadnt long started potty training) and then this woman came up to me shoved passed my husband who was putting our son into the trolly ALMOST knocking him over, pointed her finger at me at told me I was a horrible horrible person. I was 6 months pregnant anad that week had been hell. We had just moved house, my poor baby got his first stomach bug and then he so kindly passed it onto my husband and myself. I was already dealing with depression due to the pregnancy and this woman just made me feel like an even WORSE mother and and even sucker human. Moral of the story - There are always people out there who think they are always right and that they are the best mum in the world...but, they're NOT u and they DO NOT know ur angel. U do what u think is best for YOUR baby. No matter your babies age. They will hate you for the discipline, but love you always. Best thing - forget that trouble makers remark. She isnt your babies mother...YOU ARE!

Sherry - posted on 11/26/2011

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Rachel, I don't think you meant anything "bad" by your post, and as long as it's discipline and not abuse, every parent has the right to raise their child whatever way they want. I don't like people telling me how to raise my son, "Don't spank him", "Don't take away what he likes", etc. Every child is different and there isn't a wrong way to discipline your own child.

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Kate CP - posted on 11/27/2011

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Opinions are like assholes...everybody's got one and they're usually ugly. :P

Jesse - posted on 11/27/2011

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I get so angry on this topic of "spanking" a small smack on the hand or bum as long as you are not leaving marks or causing any real harm to your child then there is nothing wrong with a small smack! most kids need a good one at least once in there life... parents who tell you it's not the right way or your doing the wrong thing need to back off because my daughter is a beautiful, well adjusted and dare i say it "happy" child that is well behaved and has a lot more fun because she knows the boundaries and what she is and is not allowed to do... everyone is a lot less stressed because we don't need to constantly "distract" her or do time outs she knows full well the rules and she follows them! Just like a child should... One thing i know for sure she is not scared of the word NO she does not always like it but she has respect for her parents and always for other people

Miaja - posted on 11/26/2011

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Different strokes for different folks. I have two girls and need to use different ways to discipline them. I think your post was very clear and well stated.

Rachel - posted on 11/25/2011

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thank-you jenni its just that the way some of the other mums worded things was like if you even just give your child a tap on the hand then you are abusing them or beating them in some way? i live in the southeast of england and we have a lot of mothers that do such a thing around my way and you know them coz they are the ones screaming, shouting and swearing at their kids in the streets and swatting them round their heads?! as i said in the first post im 25 single and have 2 kids, me and my ex split when i was 12 weeks pregnant with my baby girl, i have found it hard and the smack on the bum is not anthing new but he does get to me more now im juggling a job, 2 kids and a household all to myself, i am actually recieving help from my health visiter with my boys behaviour because i dont want to become one of those mums that lashes out at the smallest things and she has no concerns with my efforts baring in mind i was in an abusive relationship for almost 6 years and she has seen a variety of people react in different ways. again what that woman said was wrong and id love to be able to not give my boy a smack on the bum if all else fails but that is what is working at the moment untill i can master the art lol.

Jenni - posted on 11/25/2011

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I don't think you have to apologize Rachel. I didn't find anything you said "offensive". And the sentiment was admirable.



People were just a little suspect because you only have a few posts. It has happened before, where someone continues a conversation, after it's been locked, under a new and fake profile.





After the original post I think members were a bit heated. So continuing it... probably wasn't the *best* idea? ;) That's all.



And I don't recall anyone saying the word "beat". Maybe I missed the post where that was said. But "spanking" is always a hot topic on here. Some moms are very hard against it. The spanking vs. non-spanking debate is historically, notorious here on COM and not for the soft-skinned.



But don't let that deter you from the site. You just happened to stumble into one topic that tends to get very racy.

Rachel - posted on 11/25/2011

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I understand fully what you are saying jodi but my point is not every parent beats their child, yes that is wrong but there are people that will give a tap to the hand if a child has been told time and time again not to touch something, regardless of wether its been moved, put higher up and so on, toddlers climb on things and im not that tall so i can only put things so high up before i cant reach them myself lol, my nan didnt hit my mum or her sisters but my mum would give us a smack on the bum if we were really naughty. I dont mark or bruise as i stated in the other post, it is more of a shock tactic when all else fails as i also stated i use the naughty step, counting, warnings and priviledges being taken away, like tv or toys. a slightly different subject but i was abused physically and mentally by my husband, the father to my children so i know when to draw a line on how far i can go. but does that mean my children should be taken off of me because i use a different form of dicipline a long with others that other people use? i love my children more then anything in this world they are what keep me going after everything i have been though, they are happy healthy children anyone that has met them will tell you so. i dont judge mums that can dicipline without a smack or a tap, good on you for being able to do that but what works for one parent doesnt always work for another. what that woman posted about being worthless human beings is not true and thats only one opinion but some of the things people were saying not only to me but to margot were really uncalled for and really unfair as no one else knows how different children in different circumstances behave and react.

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