Apparently...Blood is Thicker than Love...We have two kids together and been together 20 years and he tells me that he needs to be a father figure to his nephew who is being raised by his sister. Our son had to go to the emergency room I called hubby to let him know that cause he wasn't home at the time he was out helping another one his family members to move and he told me to call him when I get to the emergency room. This was 1am Friday night/saturday morning and I didn't hear or see hubby until 6pm Saturday evening. All these hours in between the results of the emergency room visit wasn't of concern to him, fulfilling his twisted obligation to his family was priority for him. After these events I had no choice but to ask him to leave our house because I feel he does not love his children nor myself more than his extended family. This has made me question everything I can't forgive anyone who hurts my children including their father. For twenty yrs we have raised our children together and all of a sudden he saids his nephew needs a father. I feel betrayed, heart broken and the whole situation is taking all my thoughts. I'm preparing to move, cut all communication with him and members of his family, which our children won't make that easy his children will be hurt by not seeing or having contact with their father but is it selfish to disappear with my kids for a while to heal so I could be sane to take care of our children alone? I pray everyday for God to keep me from wanting revenge in some way. It's been two weeks since all this has unfolded and hubby has yet to come get the rest of his belongings out of the house we once shared. I want all his stuff gone in tack without cutting his cloths up so I could start moving preparation, disconnect phones and try to heal. HELP Am i wrong? what would you do in my situation?

Cozmo2 - posted on 01/22/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Apparently in my husbands eyes of 20 years...Blood is Thicker than Love...We have two kids together and been together 20 years and he tells me that he needs to be a father figure to his nephew who is being raised by his sister. Our son had to go to the emergency room I called hubby to let him know that cause he wasn't home at the time he was out helping another one his family members to move and he told me to call him when I get to the emergency room. This was 1am Friday night/saturday morning and I didn't hear or see hubby until 6pm Saturday evening. All these hours in between the results of the emergency room visit wasn't of concern to him, fulfilling his twisted obligation to his family was priority for him. After these events I had no choice but to ask him to leave our house because I feel he does not love his children nor myself more than his extended family. This has made me question everything I can't forgive anyone who hurts my children including their father. For twenty yrs we have raised our children together and all of a sudden he saids his nephew needs a father. I feel betrayed, heart broken and the whole situation is taking all my thoughts. I'm preparing to move, cut all communication with him and members of his family, which our children won't make that easy his children will be hurt by not seeing or having contact with their father but is it selfish to disappear with my kids for a while to heal so I could be sane to take care of our children alone? I pray everyday for God to keep me from wanting revenge in some way. It's been two weeks since all this has unfolded and hubby has yet to come get the rest of his belongings out of the house we once shared. I want all his stuff gone in tack without cutting his cloths up so I could start moving preparation, disconnect phones and try to heal. HELP Am i wrong? what would you do in my situation?

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Amy - posted on 01/22/2012

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That's not fair to your kids regardless of how you feel you should think of your kids first. Also if he's contacted an attorney they're going to bring up that you won't let him see the kids and you could lose them entirely!

Valerie - posted on 01/22/2012

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I have to agree, you shouldn't take his kids away. a trial separation between you two would be good so you can heal and seek God's guidance. but you should still allow him to see his children. it will be hard for you I know, but your kids will thank you for this sacrifice later on.

Jesse - posted on 01/22/2012

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I feel for you i really do but no matter how you feel about him right now no one has a right to take there children away from them! It's not fair on your kids or your hubby. I do not fully understand why he thinks he needs to be a father figure to sister's kid but still! my mother took me away from my father for a long time and we constantly moved house and towns so he could not find us just because they broke up and she didn't want him to have anything to do with me.... now that i am a grown up I am very cross that i do not have a dad. I realize that she was not doing what was best for me but her herself. you will be the one hurting your kids if you do this! yes the situation sucks but this is the only advice i can give you good luck!

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Cozmo2 - posted on 01/22/2012

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Thanks Rebecca...therapy is a great idea which I've brought up in the past, but his mental is not there. I might seek therapy myself to help me put this to rest and be able to deal with him on behalf of my kids. Therapy is sought of tabu in my culture because I was taught to handle my own but at the same time know when to ask for help. We are suppose to chat/him getting the rest of his stuff tomorrow because I need to get out what I need to and I will do a whole lot of listening as well. I might not get the closure I need or any signs of remorse but either way it's over and God willing I could start my healing process and keep my kids communicating their feelings.

Mrs. - posted on 01/22/2012

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Therapy for both of you might be a good thing. Even if it is just with a minister. Someone who has experience dealing with couples who have communication issues and are looking to split up.

Cozmo2 - posted on 01/22/2012

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Yes this is really a tricky situation. I'm going to really about it, but it's true I don't want to hurt my kids so although I will avoid him to the fullest. I will allow him to continue to see his children, but as soon as he put anyone before them that will be it.

Jesse - posted on 01/22/2012

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I agree that you are in such a tricky situation! I fell really bad for you because I know what it is like for my step daughter she lives with me and my partner full time and Bio mum See's her one weekend every 2-4 weeks pretty much when she feels like it and it's hard because my daughter actually adored her Bio mum but is constantly getting hurt! with that been said as much as we know it hurts them I think it is best for them to realize them selves and in all honestly I would never stop her bio mum from seeing her as much as it upsets our perfect little life lol.... It does sound like your husband does have issues and i understand your confusion and why you do feel so hurt, he sounds a bit weird really and he does not have kids or your best interests at heart, I agree that you should leave him or maybe have a break,. you never know a brake might make him change but not letting see the kids will only make things worse i think! When it's his turn to have the kids just make sure you are busy surround your self with good friends do a hobby, drink out some where! trust me it's hard but it helps if you have some one to talk to also....

Cozmo2 - posted on 01/22/2012

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Thanks for responding Valerie...Putting my children first is not an option for me, it's automatic but this is not the case for their father. It's true my healing doesn't have anything to do with the kids but I don't think I could do it if I'm still seeing their father. I will pray on this but for now this is what it has to be...

Cozmo2 - posted on 01/22/2012

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Thanks Jesse, I really feel I'm at a cross road. The devil is lurking in my life and I have to reinovate that he has no place here. But I understand were you and Amy are coming from and I to grew up without a father but I do know that my mom wanted to protect me from my father going in and out of my life. And in and out is what my children's father will do if I allow it. I to don't understand his need or his thought to think he could even take the place of absence his nephew's father. I feel he could have been an uncle to his nephew as he has been without announcing to me of him wanting to be a father to him. His announcement tells me a lot and I'm not saying this separation will be forever but I don't see no other way.

Cozmo2 - posted on 01/22/2012

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Thanks Amy for responding. I understand totally that the kids are innocent is all this adult stuff and No I don't want to loose my children, but although I'm emotional right now...I feel I won't be right to 100% take of them without forming a temporary distance from their father. I feel parents are their children's voices and he has made it clear that his priority is not with his children it's with his family. I dont put nothing pass no one but he's to immature to do the court thing not unless it's for a family member who he feels he need to be a father to.

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