Are his kids my resposibility??

Megs - posted on 07/02/2012 ( 135 moms have responded )

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I need some advice.. I have a son who is about to be one year old, his father and I just got married a month ago, he has 5 children from a previous relationship. The other mother just told us she is getting evicted and we have to keep all 5 children!!! I understand he is their father and should be apart of hteir life...but I support him and my child right now since he lost his job, so I am the one getting my budget blown away not to mention I don't have space enough for that may people!! am I in the wrong for feeling this way? how do I handle this? I do not have the patience or the monye to hanlde his disrespectful children! HELP!!! oh ya and ontio of that, I am on housing and putting that in jeaopardy with all these kids who are not approved to be there!

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/02/2012

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Ok....settle down. First of all, if your housing will not allow that many children, she may have to look elsewhere for help. BUT, and here is a big one.....you married this man knowing he had this many children. You are a step parent to these kids now, like it or not. If you had no intentions of ever taking care of his children, you should not have married him and had another one with him.

You first need to find out how long she thinks you will need to have the kids for. This really may need to be a court decision, not just her pawning off her kids....but she is not really pawning them off on you since he is the father. Your husband needs to get a job, any job. Working and doing whatever he can to get some money into the house, and if not for you guys, to help find a place for his other 5 kids to live.


You, as a stepparent, are indeed responsible for his children. Just like my stepfather was responsible financially for us. You should have known that marrying a man with 5 freaking kids. *shaking my head*. That is a doi.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/02/2012

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Wow...so much bitterness! Megs, you married the man KNOWING that he had five children from a previous relationship. Welcome to step parenting.

Quit overreacting, and act calmly. If the housing plan won't accept that many, then so be it. But, did you even check? Explain the circumstances (hubbys kids, ex is out of housing)...perhaps they'd make an exception.

See, her calling him and telling him that he needs to take HIS kids for awhile until she's stable isn't out of line on her part, after all, she's taking care of FIVE of his kids. Yes, she should contribute to the additional expenses, but seriously, they ARE his responsibility, and you should have expected this at some point.

Sarah - posted on 07/02/2012

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I agree. As their stepparent, you are responsible, simply because you married their father. If you didn't want to take on the responsibility of 5 kids who aren't yours (which is kinda a poor attitude for a step-mother to have), then you shouldn't have married their Dad. What would happen if the mother passed away. Would you refuse to take them in then? It's likely a temporary thing, talk to your landlord about the temporary need to have them there. Have hubby get up and find a job to help out (something he should have done anyways with 6 kids to support). You get to choose here what kind of step-mother you want to be, one who is loving and supporting who the kids will grow to love and respect, or the evil one from Cinderella. If you're gonna be the stepmother from Cinderella, you'll never get the respect you want from them.

Isobel - posted on 07/02/2012

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for starters, if this becomes permanent you will not only not lose your housing, the authorities will actually help you get a bigger house.



your post sounded really mean to be honest. These children and their mother are facing becoming homeless and you are expecting their father to stand by and let it happen? I couldn't be married to a man who would do that.



and if I were him, I wouldn't be married to a woman who expected me to.

Julie - posted on 07/04/2012

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right here goes with my opinion. i grew up in the stepfamily environemnt. my dad left and went to live with someone else. my mum also moved in with someone else so here goes trying to explain how step families work.
my dad moved in with my step mum and a few years later one of my brothers went to live with my dad. we were all asked where we wanted to live and he said there my other brother and me chose to stay with my mum. i must add that i was 5 when i was asked this my total strangers (welfare people apointed by the courts) i was terrified and cried and said i wanted my mum.
my step mother was in a different room with more welfare people being asked what she thought if all us kids went to live with her and she said that she chose my father and it was a case of love me love my kids so she would not hesitate to take us all on. she knew what she had let herself in for when she got togehter with him.
my stepdad knew when he moved in with my mother that she had kids and that he would be taking us all on and he did so without hesitation and was a good father figure when we werent with my dad.
both step parents treated us like their own there was no difference in the way we were treated even when their own bio kids came along of which i have a brother to my mum and sister to my dad.
the grandkids started coming along and both step parents are called granny and grandad and love their titles and love the grandkids equaly to their bio grnadkids.
i was raised in ahouse full of adults not silly people arguing over silly things. my stepmother did bit throw a tantrum and say she didnt expect my dads kids to live with them one day she was prepared for that possibility.
the parents may not like each other and it is sometimes difficult to get them all in the same room at family parties but when they do they are ammicable for the sake of us kids and grandkids. they ahve clear consciences knowing they did the best for us kids and not once even through the teenage stroppy years when they were given verbal abuse by us kids di they waver in their feeling of us or the way their lives and the family lives have shaped up.
adults are suposed to be responsible and sensible and thats whats missing fom all this no one id prepared to step up and take care of the well being of these children and make sure they are ok. be the adult be the responsible one and stop using the kids as pawns in your silly tantrum games

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User - posted on 07/21/2012

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hmm..@Kristi, I guess when I first made the post I somehow was not signed in with my FB like i did the rest of the times i loggin in, well anywho, it not letting me click on the option button (i mean i click on it but nothing happens) and so i just tried going in the to profile and it said i did not have access to it...lol how do i not have access to my own profile? does it make a difference that when i first did this i was on a different computer, and since then I have been using my work computer?? thanks for your help

Kristi - posted on 07/20/2012

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Shula--soliciting is not allowed on here except in designated areas and have been approved by the site manager. (I believe that is who you need to contact) anyways you're post has been flagged.

Sarah - posted on 07/20/2012

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I would like to keep in contact with you, but I keep having problems with some of the buttons on this site. My email is sass_i_am@yahoo.com. Please, let me know how the kids, and especially how you, are doing! Good luck and God bless! (And remember, these women can be catty when uninformed!) Sarah

Kristi - posted on 07/20/2012

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Hi again, Megan. You can close this thread by clicking the OPTIONS button between your name and title of the post. Take care! Don't be a stranger!

Kristi - posted on 07/19/2012

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Megan Cooper--You should ask a MOD or the ADMIN how to close this thread to further comments. You don't need to keep taking shit from people who don't read your updates.

Sarah - posted on 07/19/2012

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If you want to post, read all of it. Most of you are reading the original question and venting off of that. At least read what Megan Cooper, the mom that asked the original question, has written. She was asking what she could do to help with the children when their drug addicted mother was being uncooperative and selfish. Last I heard she was able to take in two of the children through DHS, and was happy to do it. Give Megan, a mom in a nearly impossible situation, a break!

Ntombifuthi Nolwazi - posted on 07/19/2012

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this is such an eye opener cause i always think iim alone in the step parenting dilemas but my advice would be try as hard as it may be to be a mother to all the children, nature the situation, discipline them if you have to, and nobody will blame you for doing the best you can

Engela - posted on 07/17/2012

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Yes it is your responsibly up to a point!!! Its not fair for your husband or his previous partner to dump the kids on you and you should just provide!!! Especially if they are disrespectful. If your husband loves you he should support you, if he can't do it financially he must do it emotionally and getting his kids to behave and help around the house is a big step in the right direction. Do speak to your case worker about it, you can't put your housing on the line. Who is going to look after you and your baby if you get kicked out??? Good luck!!!

Dannielle - posted on 07/16/2012

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coming from a family of six kids and there have been lots of step parents along the way i can say that i understand how overwhelmed you are by the situation but unless you and your husband had a whirlwind romance and you met and the next day were married these children are not breaking news.
step parents are a huge thing for children. its very hard to understand someone new walking into their lives. you need to be patient with this.
and for you to even think you dont have to worry about the other children makes me upset.
the worst thing you can do when you marry into a place where there are already children is think that they can be pushed aside and forgotten and you think you can start a little family with just you guys.

for better or worse!!
he needs to get out there get a job and take care of his kids! he shouldnt have had 6 if he cant

i cant even belive as a woman with a child you would even make a statement like this!

you are the disrespectful one!

User - posted on 07/16/2012

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To Amy, way to follow posts..maybe you should read all of it...and for your info i do have a REAL job, i happen to work my butt off 6 days a week just to barely make ends meet, even with my REAL job, i still qualify for assistance, I only make $10/hour and trying to pay off debt and fines from previous years has got most of my money committed out before I even see it......where did you even get the fact that i dont work?? maybe you shoudl check your facts before posting...i dont know what you consider REAL or not REAL work, but pretty sure a paralegal is REAL....dont want to stoop to your level of ignorance so God bless you and have a great day!!!!!

Kristin - posted on 07/14/2012

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Yes his kids are ur responsibility. They r ur step children. With the housing situation, talk to ur case worker and let him know what's going on. Ur husband needs to get a job to help support him u and the 6 kids.

Dianne - posted on 07/14/2012

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No experience to offer here but well done on your progress, I wish people would read the whole story :/ completely understand the way you were feeling and you sound like a strong woman I can only wish you luck and love (and patience id guess) :)

Elizabeth - posted on 07/13/2012

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You married him YES!!!!!!! his kids are your responsibility too! I can't believe you even asked that! If it was your own child, which is how you should be looking at it anyway, what would you do. There wouldn't be any question, as a mother you would do what ever was necessary.

Kristi - posted on 07/11/2012

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Hi Megan! Counselling is a great idea. When I married my 1st exhusband (yup, I said it.), he also had kids from his first wife and from another woman, the other woman kept her daughter far, far away from him. (shoulda been my first clue!) Anyways, 2 of his daughters came to live with us because their mom was having a hard time and thought the girls were better off with us. But she and I agreed that we (all 3 parents, 2 grandmothers, and the kids) should go to counselling, so we could get on the same page with discipline, schedules, etc. It worked great for her and the girls and me. The meddling grandmothers were told to butt out and the counselor diagnosed my ex as a sociopath. (Wish someone would have told me that) Ahh, I digress. Like I said the 4 of us girls figured it out and she and I were successfully co-parenting, the girls . They were in individual counselling, as well. It helped a lot. It also gave the girls a stronger sense of security because they knew their mom wasn't going anywhere and that I wasn't trying to take her place but I was just one more person to love them. It was helpful for the girls to have an outlet and we had back up when it came to setting/following rules at both houses. Let's suffice it to say, despite everything my ex and his mother did, the 4 of us are still very close. This was 10 years ago. I hope you and your family will find it beneficial and I wish you prosperity and happiness! Don't be a stranger on here, sometimes it can be brutal but most of the time it's very helpful and supportive.

User - posted on 07/11/2012

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@Tanika we are actually planning on going to counseling as a family to help us ALL cope with the changes ahead!! i'm sure we will probably do some individual stuff too, plus I plan on seeing how to get the CHUBS program in our home, where we actually have a home based counselor as well!! thanks to those actually keeping up with updates lol i'll keep ya posted! :) God bless

Tonya - posted on 07/11/2012

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first off i am a stepmom so i feel for you. you go through a lot dealing with the other side of your new childern's family. once i knew i was going to be with my husband and start our own family his son was not my stepson he was MY son. and i always refered to him as that. maybe that way of thinking would help you deal a little better with the situation you are now facing. you have 6 kids not 1. and i would be a little put off if this had happend to me but all 3 grown ups in the family need to figure out what to do. i know we cant help who we fall in love with but what disturbs me the most is that you cant handle his disrespectful childern. how do you think they got that way?? your new husband and his ex. so if you dont want your child to become just like his siblings i hope you can handle your husbands side of the parenting also. you married 1 man and 5 childern. like it or not...now you need to prove to all of them the STRONG WOMAN that you must be and be the real adult. those kids are disrespectful because they are not getting the guidance they need from the two other parents they have. help them...if your asking for advice you have the heart and strength to do it. go get allthe free help and counseling that is available to you. you said your on assitance, tell the person incharge of your case the situation that your in and that you need her help. good luck..being a "step" mommy is truly the hardest job you will ever have. our own childern come into our hearts with our unconditional love...our stepchildern deserve no less!!

Robin - posted on 07/11/2012

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The mother needs to know just what the situation is in your household so that maybe she can try and find other alternatives. You also need to tell her that his children are disrespectful to you and if their father doesn't know that yet, he should now because things are not going to be any easier with that many of you in the house. Maybe you can take one or two of the kids and the others can go with other relatives. The mother should also understand that YOU are the sole support of your family at this time and that you will need some financial assistance if the kids are to come stay with you and their father and that you expect not to be disrespected any further by their children. Next, if it matters, the other mother might want to tell your husband why she and her children are being evicted...and how are they going to avoid from happening again in the future. Something doesn't add up for me because most landlords are just not in the business to evict people...I'm assuming something could've been worked out before it got to this stage. Seems as if something went very wrong in that household and is likely to repeat itself if not corrected this time.

Tinika - posted on 07/11/2012

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Meg I am not sure if you can close or edit your status because it obvious some people are just reading your original post. You have updated people but they are still fussing at you even though you are taking steps to handle the situation. I must admit when i first read your post i let personal feelings about my step mother blind me. But you took everyone's criticism in stride and kept everyone updated without flying off the handle. So keep everyone updated cause it sounds like you are going provide the stability that these kids. But may I suggest counseling for the kids don't want these kids to have abandonment issues. Good Luck

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/11/2012

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Megs, Kristi beat me to it...LOL...Sounds like you now have things well in hand, and are moving forward...Good job, and good luck. Keep us posted!

Megan - posted on 07/11/2012

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im blown away that u would have a kid with someone who has already had 5 taken away do u think number 6 is going to be different and u have to be heartless to let 5 kids live on the streets you sound like a brat who's not getting her own way

User - posted on 07/11/2012

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Oh ya and at DAWN.....we are on the same page fellow momma!!! i've already began a rough draft of rules to be posted, of course we will not complete it until all kids are together, and have a family nmeeting so they also can have input on the rules and the consequences of broken rules!! :0)

User - posted on 07/11/2012

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Why thank you very much Kristi C... :) Glad someone is paying attention!! I was wondering myself if anyone was even following along lol, oh and to Lisa Peirce....My husband has not been to prison, as a matter of fact I am the one who served a sentence 5 years ago, and I am truly blessed because of it...it is a place of CORRECTION and it did just that for me brought me to a new realization and free place in my life..it was jut what I needed to turn my life around..and as for his job, we have decided that since he is going studying for GED and starting welding school in a month that it would not be much beneifit to get a job for a month jsut to quit for school we made the agreement that once he completes school and is in his welding job that I will take a month off for myself, since I have been the one working, my boss has also agreed to give me some much needed vacation time at that point...of course knowing myself i probably wont take over a week or two but still.......God Bless to all and thank you for those who actually read EVERYTHING before popping off at the mouth... :) have a great day moms!!! :)

Sarah - posted on 07/11/2012

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His kids are his responsibility, and that of his ex. You, however, are going to have to step up and share that as you married him. I don't agree that you should support them though - that is something your new husband and his ex should have to work out between them. It is more than a little unfair for them not to.

But help? SUre

Alisha - posted on 07/10/2012

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I think this is a really tough situation. You are their step-mother, and therefore are yes, seen as having some responsibility towards them. It is impossible for me to tell you if you have to let them live at your house or pay for everything for them on your income alone. That is for you and your husband to decide. But if you turn your back and do absolutely nothing, that is neglecting your opportunities and obligation to help out your step-children who you are supposed to care for. You are a responsible adult in their lives, and to just sit back and ignore would be really sad. Perhaps your husband could work on getting a job if he isn't already. Do the kids have grandparents who could help too? It is understandable that you would be stressed out if you did take these children in your home, but if you apply for foodshare, you could say all those children are under your support if they live with you, and food would not be an issue. As far as enough space, they could sleep on the floor and it would be like a slumber party every night! But again, you and your husband would need to come to some agreement and have it written down on paper as an agreement with the children's mother so that no one can go back on their word. Set things as far as time limits, money and who will be caring for the children and when they will see their mother.

Dawn - posted on 07/10/2012

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The more I read the more it looks like your husband needs to get off his butt and do what needs to be done! He needs to take it back to court and get the kids. And help you to report all this to the proper places. So you guys can get the help not her to blow it away.make sure you get proof that the kids are with you full time and not her. If she's on welfare she can get in trouble for not using that on them. Let everyone you can see you with them. It might get ugly before it gets better! Pray!

Kristi - posted on 07/10/2012

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For all the people who commented after MEGAN COOPER need to go back and reread it. "Megs" put her full name up here after her OP. There is no longer a need to berate, lecture or tell her to step up. She has. I was also took a little bite out of her a$$ when I first read this, too, but I kept up with her updates and she is doing the right thing with her husband and if you don't want to scroll down to read it, the state is granting them full custody of all the kids.

Kristi - posted on 07/10/2012

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For all the people who commented after MEGAN COOPER need to go back and reread it. "Megs" put her full name up here after her OP. There is no longer a need to berate, lecture or tell her to step up. She has. I was also took a little bite out of her a$$ when I first read this, too, but I kept up with her updates and she is doing the right thing with her husband and if you don't want to scroll down to read it, the state is granting them full custody of all the kids.

Jennelyn - posted on 07/10/2012

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baby girl the term is in sickness and in health in richer or poor for better or worse. you said I do to this man. So find a way to make it work prayer changes things. yes it really does. it may be tough for awhile but troubles don't last always

Kkrjrpleggett - posted on 07/10/2012

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Hate to say it honey, but you married him knowing he has 5 other kids. You are now their step mom. You can not pick and choose which aspects of your husband's life to be a part of when it comes to his kids. If you didn't want anything to do with his children, you shouldn't have married him.

Dawn - posted on 07/10/2012

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Do it legal! Get all the paperwork needed file it and report it. You will adjust! Think about the kids 1st!!! Make a poster with house rules, they will buck at 1st, but will learn. Treat them all the same!! No one more important then another! And you will see. That it can work out.

Lisa - posted on 07/10/2012

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I married a man that had 3 daughters with his ex-wife. I had one daughter from my first marriage. 2 days after our wedding, his ex- called to say she couldn't keep the girls anymore (truth was she saw an opportunity to be free to ride around with her biker buddies unencumbered.)



I went from being a single mother of one, to a married mother of 4 overnight. ALL of the girls were under the age of 4 at the time since he had a 4 year old and identical twin 3 year olds and my daughter was 2.



NOT a fun time (since we were living in a 2 bedroom apartment at the time) but we all made the adjustment. It's not easy for little kids to see THEIR Daddy loving and hugging on some other kid. There were some serious jealousy issues we had to work through and some behavior issues that needed to be addressed... but it worked. The kids' maternal grandparents were VERY supportive of me and my husband and would take them for weekend visits quite often. (They couldn't quite get over the fact that their daughter abandoned the girls.)



So... reality check: Suck it up, Honey-bunch. When you marry a man with children you marry those kids too!! If you can't see yourself STILL living with these kids 10 years down the road, you might as well hire a divorce attorney now and save yourself (and those kids) a lot of trouble.



And, just as an aside.... WHY would you have a child and marry a man with NO FREAKING JOB in the first place? Not to mention one that has been in PRISON and lost his custody rights and couldn't even muster up the stamina it takes to finish high school??

Threenorns - posted on 07/10/2012

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sorry, hon: you're married and it's "for better or for worse". those are his children and that means you are their stepmother. now spine up, sweetie, and do your duty.

User - posted on 07/10/2012

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thanks to everyone for comments and support......I know I am in for a big change but with God I know all things are possible...I actually have a really good bond with all the step children its jsut the part of being overwhelmed with so many people, I grew up with just my mom and brother and my brother is much older so he was out of the house by the time i was 12 and the it was just me and my mom....my husband does not understand htis anxiety becus he grew up in a house with 15 brothers and sisters. So much has happened since I orignaly posted...so much I dont even knw if i have the energy right now to get it all into a post, but to some it up I have had some HEAVY and DEEp prayer and meditation time with God, and I now believe that God is working wonders to build my strength and to provide the children with a loving structured, Christ centerd home. It hurts my heart that my own son got dragged into a mess and web of lies that caused dhs to take him and hte other kids, but is is all working in our favor becuase they are now offering us FULL LEGAL custody of all the children....

Chaya - posted on 07/10/2012

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Can the previous spouse or spouseoid get subsidized housing? They give priority to families and disabled people, or they are supposed to. That may be an option for you too. It's not ideal, but far better than foster care or living rough.
Calm down, you can do this.

S - posted on 07/10/2012

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Wow, you guys are rough, but I can respect your brutal honesty. I myself married a man that has 4 kids (2 daughters 9 and 7 and 6yr old twin boys. I have a 9 yr old boy from a previous marriage who currently lives with his father.) and it was very hard for me to marry him knowing he had 4 kids. The kids are not bad or anything it was just that fact that it was 4 and that to me meant a lot of child support being paid, expenses, more money to go out and do family things, go on vacations, etc. I was looking at the future and a family of 7 is not what I envisioned. Although their mother has them majority of the time I do admit my attitude would change when they came around. I don't know if it was that I was feeling jealous or the fact that I just didn't feel like being bothered with them. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year now and I've accepted the kids but I still find it hard to bond with them. I don't really interact with them a whole lot and I can't really understand why myself. He tells me all the time that his kids love me and I guess I just find it hard to love another woman's children as my own. Maybe I need to mature in this area but for me its hard. Everyone is different. If I were forced to have them full time I would step up but for now they have their mom and I don't feel the need to do anything extra. It may sound harsh but this is me being honest. My husband doesn't force them on me but we are both aware that this is an area that only God can fix for me.
I don't want to be that evil "Cinderella" step mother and I'm not mean to them at all, I guess I'm just not as loving and nurturing as I could be with them. Meagan, I'm sorry to spill all of this on your thread. I wish you the best of luck with your situation. We're all a work in progress. Again, I appreciate this forum and I thank you all. I'm new to this site and I've read a lot today and it has really got me thinking so THANKS.

Pamela - posted on 07/06/2012

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Since you are in subsidized housing, you can contact the office and ask what is the allowed length of stay for visitors and what is the largest number of visitors allowed at one time. Then go by that. I live in subsidized housing and the rule here is MAXIMUM stay 2 weeks in any one month. Also, if the visitors in any way cause problems, they can be asked to leave and will not be allowed to come back.



You should also ask her to help pay for food costs as that is not your responsibility. Since your husband is not currently employed he should be ACTIVELY seeking work to help support his children.



Legally you have no responsibility for his children, but he does, so it puts you 'between a rock and a hard place'. Why was she evicted? If it had to do with the behavior of the children, be very careful to not put your own housing in jeopardy.



BTW, she shouldn't be telling you you have to keep the children, she should be ASKING you to do so. It's a sticky situation....do the best you can, but don't set yourself up as a martyr. It will backfire on you down the road!



The highest and best to you. My prayers go out for a win/win solution to be found!

User - posted on 07/05/2012

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well now isnt this the most crazy thing ever...i just got thru posting about how somehting was gonna go wrong..i cud feel it...i came home to dhs in my house becuuse there are allegaitions against hteir mother and someone told them thier mother was staying at my house with the sister and 8 kids...i dont know where all these allegationsare coming from becuase there mother has never even been close to my apt, and they just took my son until they could do an investigation and gind out why people are syaing the mother is in my house smoking drugs...i am so distraught right now i could use all the prayers and thoughts i coud. get, and to follow up on one other thing, i never siad i dont show my stepkids the utmost love and respect....the one good thing that came from this is that the dhs worker said i will get a treatment plan to work and upon completion not only will i get my son back nut they have offered full legal custody of 2 of the step boys....ultimely this is what we wanted, i justwish my son hadnt gotten invoed to get it.....prayers and support please....i am shaking very badly right now so sorry for all the typos...oh by the way gthey still have not located the mother...they left here with a hoard of police trying to go find her

Jennifer - posted on 07/05/2012

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Maybe there are a few lawyers on this site who can confirm or dispute this, but if she has really disappeared, isn't that abandonment? Couldn't she be giving up HER rights? That seems logical.

My dad has been married 5 times (twice to my ex-stepmother). I lived with them in the 5th grade, and shared a room with her daughter. She never said anything to me, preferring as you do to say things behind closed doors. But I KNEW she despised me. Kids can tell when they aren't liked by adults. Think back to when you were in school. There were teachers who loved you more than other students (even though they couldn't say), and teachers who didn't like you at all. None of the teachers said aloud one way or another how they felt, but deep down you knew.

Your step kids know how you feel about them, and the disrespect could be a defense mechanism for them. My daughter disrespects me sometimes, and for that moment I don't like her- although I still love her.

If their mom is as big a scumbag as you are making her sound, it seems to me that they don't have a decent role model. Maybe you should become a positive in their lives.

Beth - posted on 07/05/2012

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You're not wrong for feeling the way that you do. In your situation, I would also feel imposed upon and taken advantage of. But, it sounds like you and your husband could be the only source of stability in these kids' lives, and stepping in temporarily could really help them out. Will there be any kind of court hearing about this custody set up? If so, let the judge know you and your husband don't really have the space or the income for the other 5 children, and maybe alternate arrangements could be made. Are there grandparents that could help?

Joanna - posted on 07/05/2012

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I am not sure why your hubby has no rights, my kids father could not legally give away his rights, though he wanted to. He couldn't do it unless one of two things were happening. If I had been married and my hubby wanted to adopt my kids, it was possible(I was not married so this was not an option), difficult but possible, or else he would have to be proven to be abusive. Those were the only two options for terminating parental rights, even if a parent wants to give up those rights, they cannot by law. At least in the state I live in, they will not terminate parental rights of one parent unless someone else is willing to adopt the kids. basically they said it is easier to terminate parental rights if both parents are unfit, then the child goes to foster care, but they don't terminate one parents rights unless abuse is proven. He had no choice, despite the fact he was abusive to me, and neglectful and verbally abusive to my daughter, he could not get his parental rights terminated. So did someone else adopt these kids? If so they should be taking on the responsibility here. It sounds like their Mom is a deadbeat. Your hubby being a stay at home parent is great if that is what you both want. Often with many children it is better to have one parent stay at home unless you can get assistance for daycare. And even then often it isn't enough and it is better to have one parent stay home. You need to document everything. Your efforts to contact the mother need to be documented. Your care of the children and how they came to be in your care needs to be documented. All this needs to be written down clearly and made copies of and given to a caseworker, if there is not one involved in the case, get one asap. Someone needs to be overseeing this if your hubby has no legal rights to these kids, and Mom is being a deadbeat. I assume you have found a place for all of them to sleep even if it is air-mattresses. You can often get bunk beds on freecycle or local churches or goodwill shops, even salvation army. This situation is overwhelming, but you can handle it. Just take it one step at a time, do the next thing that needs to be done, and you will get through it. Take care of yourself, and seek out some counseling for yourself as well.

Bev - posted on 07/05/2012

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Megan, since he lost his rights to the kids legally they are not his....pls either ask the court for help or an attorney...I would hate for your kindness to bite you...my kids dad/my husband rights were terminated so I know a bit about this...it is not just the housing that you need to consider and did she leave a release allowing you to get medical attention for them if needed? if not there could be more issues....btw, my husband (who passed in 06) had two previous kids one of which I tried very hard to get custody of even with his rights termindated to them....let me know if you want to write privately.....thinking of you

User - posted on 07/05/2012

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Our daycare was cancelled due to an error in paperwork, and so the father lost his job, we could not find replacement daycare qucik enough, he is enrolled to start school in sept provided he passes his GED in aug, so we agreed for him to stay home with the baby unitl he startd school and we got daycare assistance back

Tina - posted on 07/05/2012

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I don't think it was ever a matter of does she make room for them it's a matter of being able to afford the responsibility when she's stretched to the max. Clearly looking for help on how to cope if worse comes to worse.

Jodi - posted on 07/05/2012

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".it is not that I don't want to help, it is that i do not make enough money to support"

I'm still at a loss here. Why are YOU having to make enough money to support them. What is your husband doing?

Beth - posted on 07/05/2012

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They are children with no home and their father has a home which also happens to be your home. Why shouldn't they come live with you?

User - posted on 07/05/2012

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There was a comment made no wonder the kids despreect me...well just to let you know, they have always been treated as my own when theay come into the home and anything said about the situation is said behind closed doors,...but anywho, as to an update as to what has been going on, we found out the mother is still in her homw not evicted apparently some slick trick to give her some party days....had she have been honest up front and just said she needed a break this would have been alot eaisier, ....now that we have found out she was lying and confronted her, she has stopped answering calls and her door, we do not know where she went and she has got the neigbor lying for her and we still have 3 of the children....it is not that I don't want to help, it is that i do not make enough money to support, i feel like they will be lacking many needs because my income is not that much....yes, we are trying to go about it legally and get them added to our household, but since by law he has no rights, we need her permission, and since she is now no where to be found i don't know what to do, i sonder how long she will stay hidden, and to the person who said funny this happened just a month after marraige, yes this woman is very much the spiteful person to pull some crap, that is why i am getting more and more nervous the longer we go without hearing form her, she is definitly the typ to say we kidnapped them, she does what ever posiible to bring others to her level of misery, littel things of been coming up ever since the day somone told her me and my hubby were engaged....I appreciate the responses and comments....

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