Are my boys better off with their father?

Corky - posted on 10/15/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




July of 2012 I lost my job due to the economy. I tried starting my own business and it went great up until school started. Then it crashed. I was also getting my unemployment which was helpful but I lost that in September. In addition to the money madness I also live with my ex-boyfriend. He moved in with me 2 years ago into the neighborhood where my kids have all of their friends. I promised my kids that I would keep us here until the youngest got out of elementary school. 1 year ago we moved one street over into a nicer more expensive place. Before I was the only person on the lease agreement but now we both are. He has no kids and lots of places to go but he will not leave. can imagine with the stress of looking for a job and living with your ex-boyfriend.
Anyways.....My ex-husband called me today blabbing like he always does. Most I don't listen to but one thing he said is that our boys have mentioned to him that they don't feel comfortable over at my house anymore. Of course he threatened taking me to court....blah blah blah
After we hung up I thought and thought about it....I would not be comfortable here either. Actually I am not. I hate it here. It just isn't home anymore.

After thinking and thinking......I caught myself asking if they should go live with him until I get back on my feet and make a better stable home for them.
I only have one friend that would let me live with him until I can get back in the swing of things but he lives an hour and 20 min away. I would love to live where he does. There are plenty of jobs there. My ex on the other hand would fight me in court if I said I wanted to take them. right now we have them 50 /50.
I feel like I am a complete and total failure. I don't know if I can only see them every other weekend.
Am I abandoning my kids or am I doing what's right?

My heart is broken and torn. help


Ev - posted on 10/16/2013




I know where you are coming from. I had to let my kids go live with their father after the divorce because for one thing I could not let them be pawns and did not want to put them through such a thing and the second thing is that it allowed them to have a peace of mind. I got the weekend thing and holiday thing and summer break thing. I made the most of what time we had. I also thought I would loose them if I let them go with him but that did not turn out to be the case. Eleven years later, I am very close to my kids and we are always in touch. I never got told they hated me because of the choices I made where they are concerned. They understood. So you are not abandoning your kids, you would be doing what is best for them right now even if it is for a little while. I know it hurts but its for them. And when you have weekends, make it all about them. Do things together even if it comes to just sitting on the couch watching a bunch of movies eating your own version of take out pizza that you made. The point is if you have to do this then do it. But if they are old enough to explain this to, then tell them its not forever and you are there if they need you. Call them everyday and tell them you love them. Always be an ear for them so they can tell you their worries, fears, victories, and fun times. Its what you make out of it that counts. If you do nothing and do not keep up with them that is when you will regret it. I know, I did this for 11 years. I still have a couple to go because my youngest is still in high school but he and I are very close and we do a lot of fun things together and sometimes its enough to just be in the same room. Good Luck and I hope this helps.


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Essie - posted on 10/15/2013




I thank if you are having money problems for a while you could let them stay with their dad until you got back on your feet. My niece just went through the same thing so she and her x decided to switch places. He had the kids all week and she took them on the weekends for a year or so until she got back on her feet. She did have some problems out of the oldest but he is doing fine now that he is back with her, BUT WHAT WORKS FOR SOME DOESNT ALWAYS WORK FOR OTHERS.

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