Are there any Moms out there who have to pay child support, but need to be at home with other children?

Allie - posted on 03/11/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My ex husband won a long and drawn out custody battle over our daughter. He did it in revenge after I remarried. He told me if I got remarried he would take our daughter away and he was true to his promise. He has a lot more money and time than I do, so he won in court. Now, I am left to pick up the pieces of my life. I must pay child support and that requires me to work full time. However, my current husband and I have two children and his mother is disabled. I have been the primary caregiver for the children and his mother and I was fine with that. It works better for me to be at home to take care of the household and my family. My ex does not need the money I give him. I know for a fact he uses it to play golf with. I feel depressed and overwhelmed because my new work schedule makes it so that I feel like I am running in every direction to work and take care of my family and on top of that, I never get to see my daughter that I am supporting. Help? Is there anyone out there who knows how I feel and what I should do?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/11/2015

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Ditto Evelyn. I couldn't have stated it better, myself.

1) Your responsibility for supporting your daughter did not change. Her primary custodian did, but you are obligated to support her, just as he was obligated when she lived with you.
2) Your responsibility did not diminish simply because you took on care of two other children and a disabled MIL.

You expected support from him, regardless of his situation, when you were primary custodial parent, correct?

Ev - posted on 03/11/2015

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I do not know the details of this but if the judge determined that the child's interests were better with dad then that is the choice that was made. As for the child support I am going to go through some things that you said in your post.
I am going to quote them:

1) " I must pay child support and that requires me to work full time. However, my current husband and I have two children and his mother is disabled. I have been the primary caregiver for the children and his mother and I was fine with that. It works better for me to be at home to take care of the household and my family."
Child support is for the child's needs. And if a parent is the non-custodial they have to be responsible for their end of things. I can understand that you remarried and took on new roles in caregiver and that is great that you are so willing to help out your husband and his mother like this. But you did have this child with your first husband and you have to take responsiblility for her care too.

2)"My ex does not need the money I give him. I know for a fact he uses it to play golf with."
I know you said your ex had a lot of money but that does not mean you do not have to pay support. This comment I quoted has me wondering two things: a) is it more your feelings and emotions in this statement or b) how do you know he uses it for golfing? Do you go to see if he uses it for golf? Do you get receipts from him for what he does with the money?

I know you are bitter and angered with the results of the custody/visitation and child support issues you have had to deal with and with the ex. He is a parent to this child as much as you are. You have to accept that. You also have to accept the fact that the judge ruled as he or she did in the end. If you are not happy with this then take it back to court to get looked at again and remodified and if there is visitation set up why are you not seeing your child? Is he holding her from you? You never did say much other than you do not get to see her. If he is holding her from you you could take him to court for parental alienation.

I know how it feels to have to let go of kids to their dad when as the mom I was the one that did all of it for them. I ended up having to chose between fighting custody all the time and putting them through heck not knowing what was what or letting them live with dad and them knowing I was there for them anyhow. I chose to let them go. More for their minds' sake than for my emotions. The children suffer most in these things not the parents. It takes time to get used to no matter what the court says you have to do. Just do it. Its the right thing to do because it comes down to your daughter not your or him.

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