User - posted on 05/02/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
In May of 2009 when I was preparing for my DH's 45th surprise birthday party, I got a little surprise of my own! I was either pregnant or going through menopause, wasn't sure which - what a situation, huh! We have two older children, then 15 and 13, and I was 41. We were pretty content with our little family, though I did have a miscarriage in 2000 in my second trimester which was devastating and I never truly got over. It wasn't that I didn't want more children, but I was always afraid to try because I didn't think I could survive losing another baby. Both hubby and I were shocked to find ourselves expecting again, and terrified. The first six months were so scary because several times I thought I was miscarrying again. Now my amazing little boy is here, in his "trying" twos, and I adore him. His siblings adore him too and often say "What did we ever do without him!" But I just do not have anyone to talk to about the not so "great" things about having a baby at this stage in my life because if I do, people are so quick to point out "oh, but what a blessing you have!" Yes, I do have a blessing - I absolutely would never change having my little boy, I just wish I had him five years ago. I mourn that my two older kids will be out of the house before he remembers having them here - he won't really remember what it's like to have a brother and sister growing up. I mourn that I may embarrass him at his first day of preschool and his high school graduation because I will be the same age as most grandparents of his friends in his class. I also never have felt so old, because people never commented on my age before I had him. Now its "HOW old are you?" And, yes, I have twice had the dreaded "Is this your grandson?" Before I had him I was still under the delusion that I was a younger mother - now I have the clear perception that people have of me when they think it is so odd that I have a baby now! I know all about being positive and appreciating that I have him, which definitely makes any negative worth it and makes things EASIER, but not necessarily always EASY. Anyone else in this situation and can understand what I'm going through?