Are you married but feel like a single parent
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Kim - posted on 01/19/2010
Megan, I hear you makes you want to scream because you know if you confront them they will make it all your fault and flip out on you and it's just easier to do it yourself and hide your feelings.
Nikole, It's just not worth telling him that I am not superwoman and can't do it all myself. My husband has issues with people telling him what to do, his favorite phrase is, "If I wanted a mother I would have lived with my mom and would have never got married."
I just want to lock him out of the house sometimes but then I realize that plan will fail because he has a house key. LOL
Megan - posted on 01/19/2010
i hear you kim. i never get to do anything myself anymore. my husband does whatever he wants. he goes hunting all the time, or goes out to his parents house and is there pretty much all day. few different times, my husband promised me that he would watch the baby and i could go do something on my own since i never get to go anywhere. haahha yea right , something always changed and he of course had to go to his parents or something. it really makes me angry. but i don't say anything to him, because i dont want it turning into some big argument.
TINA - posted on 01/19/2010
OK IM NOT MARRIED BUT I AM WITH MY KIDS DAD... I FEEL LIKE IM A SINGLE PARENT... ITS LIKE WHEN EVER THE KIDS NEED SOMETHING THERE DAD IS RIGHT THERE BUT HE IS INVISIBLE AND SO THEY COME STRAIGHT TO MOMMY... I DRIVES ME CRAZY CAUSE ALL I HEAR ALL DAY IS MOM THIS MOM THAT... I TELL HIM IF I WANTED TO BE A SINGLE PARENT I WOULDNT BE WITH U... I KNOW IT SOUNDS MEAN BUT THEN HE STARTS HELPING A LITTLE MORE....
Denise Marie - posted on 10/04/2012
Ok how about this one. I work 2 jobs (about 65 hours a week). To the tune of getting up at 5:30 each morning to get to work by six. Leaving that job at 2 and then having to be at my other job by 3:30 until 7 for 3 days of the week. The other days I'm just working 8 hour shifts (varying hours but the latest being until 7 at night). On the days when I only work the one job from 6 to 2 after the kids get home I am helping with homework, feeding baths etc. Same with the other nights I get off at 7. I am then left to do dishes (which I am currently on strike from doing) and doing the housework. My husband does cook most nights and take out the trash but that is it. We are trying to get disability on him (almost 2 years of waiting now) so I am the sole money maker. I feel like I am at my wits end trying to keep up with everything. I threatened divorce about 2 weeks ago and he changed a little but its not enough. HELP! I don't want a divorce but I just can't keep on going the way I am!!!!
Kaitlin - posted on 01/22/2010
Ladies....i feel your pain! My husband has a child from a previous relationship and we have a girl together so we have two girls 13 months apart! And when they are younger (3 and 2 now) my husband would watch tv and be on the computer and i was left to deal with the girls. Drove me absolutely insane...i would have to burst into tears from stress just to get him to help out! But the whole reason i'm posting on here is because IT GETS BETTER or atleast in my case it did! My husbands issue was he didnt know, enjoy or, understand how or what to do with the infant age children so before the girls started walking and talking and growing up he didnt know what to do to help. Which is part my fault because like most moms i didnt want to say or ask too much in fear of a fight or him thinking i wasnt a good enough mother! But mothers just take a step back and tell your better half you just need a breathe..walk out of the room before you break down! But it does get better......he is great with his daughter now (cuz she is more independent now) and he is getting better with our daughter!
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Anne - posted on 01/21/2010
I feel as a woman we tend to be obsessed with our babies and this can leave you feeling alone because,once your spouse notices that you are being obsessed with baby's care then he will tend to take a back seat because afterall, all is well.i feel however we should give them room to practice being father and feel responsible for the baby.Try a bit of care free attitude and see how thing go!!
Rosie - posted on 01/19/2010
i feel the same way. my husband works a little bit of ,2nd and third shift. he leaves at 6 pm and doesn't get home till about 5:30 am. i go to work at 7 am and get home at 10 am. so he can go to sleep. he has 3 days off a week, and even on those days he sticks with his sleeping schedule. he also broke his right ankle and left hip in a car accident 3 years ago, and his ankle is f-cked up. leaving me to pick up the slack on almost everything. sometimes i feel he could do alot of things, but just chooses not to. he has about 5 hours that he's awake and at home, i feel it could be better spent than being on the computer, or watching tv. doing the dishes doesn't take 5 hours, doing the laundry doesn't take 5 hours. he will only help, if i ask. it gets very frustrating.
Nikole - posted on 01/19/2010
Men are not the nurturing type... this goes back from caveman days. It's all about communication. I would just tell him "Look, you are doing this from now on... I am not superwoman, so it's time you start helping me." You have to be aggressive and let him know this bothers you! If he still doesn't want to help... time to do less things for him. Focus more on your kids and see how he feels about you not helping him out. Once you put him in your shoes, most of the time he takes the hint. haha!
I'm so sorry you are going through this. My EX husband was like this and I couldn't handle it. I've found a guy now that I married, who is very caring and really is involved with the kiddos! Hang in there honey... don't let him walk all over you!
Megan - posted on 01/19/2010
I feel the same way as everyone else does. After we first got home from the hospital, my husband was great. He took care of everything, and took care of the baby( i had c-section, so couldnt do anything). but it seems like after i was able to get up and move about, things went down hill. Im the one who ALWAYS takes care of our baby. Im the one who is up with him during the middle of the night. My husband says oh well i cant ever hear him cry. whatever, he's right beside our bed. And i'm expected to do all the housework myself, while trying to take care of the baby. heck, i can't ever eat anything while i'm at home, because im trying to care for our son. the only time i eat is if i have to work that night.i just feel so alone,and overwhelmed sometimes, because i'm left to do everything on my own
Melissa - posted on 01/19/2010
Well that's the thing it's not ok...I am dealing with it right now and it sucks....My sister got divorced b/c of it! I am trying to get my dh to help out more everyday And I know it is hard working 12 hours but being awake all day with two kids and barely sleeping at night b/c one is an infant is a job too! Sorry that's just my vent for the day!
Kim - posted on 01/19/2010
I feel the same way you guys do. I am a full-time student but I still do, do, do, do, for my kids and husband oh yeah don't forget my sister lives with me too. NO ONE does anything in my house. My husband is either in front of the XBOX 360 or his laptop. My sister hides in her room and don't help. And when I want time to myself it's like I have to pick a fight with someone to even be able to leave the house and have my own time. So yeah I feel like a single parent with 5 kids.
Laura - posted on 01/19/2010
I'm defiantly in this situation so I know how frustrating it can be. My problem is my husband is home most of the day due to his job, and all he does is relax, he won't even help me with the baby unless I ask for help, and even then we might get into an argument about it. All I have to say is talk to your husband tell him you NEED his help when he can help, or do what I do , ask for a personal spa day. Go to another room do your nails, shower something that makes you happy and helps you relax, I've started doing this and it helps me maybe it will do the same for you
Jennifer - posted on 01/19/2010
in our house hold both myself and my husband work two jobs, my husband puts in 35 hours in one job and 20 hours in the other (i do 21 hours in one and 5 in my other) we have 5 kids and number 6 is on the way! sometimes i feel like i am a single parent as he is either at work or sleeping, i still work but still have to pick up after the kids, clean, wash, cook dinner and do all the other 101 chores to do!
Anna - posted on 01/19/2010
In our family, dad works and mom (me) stays home so I take on the majority of the responsibility. I try not to pressure him right when he comes home because I understand he needs some time to get out of work mode. I just always make sure I ask for help when I need it... always voice what you need as no one is a mind reader and pretty much no man just jumps right in when he sees the need... they need to be told LOL. If I say I am stressed out... take over, he jumps right it. If I say I am tired watch the kids I need a nap... he takes over. He wont change our daughter 's diaper unless I am not around LOL but I accept that about him and tell him I wont take the garbage out then ha ha. Compromise and doing what works for your family is what matters...and being open and honest with your partner so he knows your expectations.
Bronwyn - posted on 01/19/2010
Yes I feel like that a lot. My husband works 12 hour shifts and 16 hour shifts every other day....He does this so I can stay home with our two year old boy. I love him for doing so, but when he is at home all he does is sleep. He tries to play with our son as much as he can, but when you work that much at a factory you are really tired. I am completely thankful, but I feel like a single parent because it all rests on me. I don't know if that helps you, I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. :)
Elizabeth - posted on 01/19/2010
my husband is working eight hours a day and he drives an hour there and back i stay at home with the boys. most of the time when he gets home he plays on the computer for four to five hours at night and by the time he gets off the kids are sleepingso i understand what you mean
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