Arguing over My Child Not His (No Sex, No Talk, No play)

Tiffany - posted on 07/31/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I have known my husband since I was 11 years old, he was my boyfriend then and as a teenager. We disconnected. I had my daughter which is 14 now. We got back together and have been married for almost 3 years together 4 years. My daughter is more than a handful, and she's a girl so think about that for a moment. My husband dies not take well to disrespect, so they basically disrespect each other or not talk at all which has been the case for months now. I am consistently stuck in the middle silently choosing between both of them. My husband and I just argue about her, anything and everything leads to her it's like Jesus can we just do something without him always saying something negative, nasty and just disrespectful towards her because she is my child. I have no sex life I am completely turned off. Constant awkward silence and just bad vibes about everything. There is so much going on at once and it's just overwhelming and tiresome. I just say nothing do nothing and work oh and argue. I don't even want to come home anymore. Is that bad??? Please tell me am not the only one!

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Michelle - posted on 07/31/2016

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I'm sorry, but if any man I was with treated any of my children like that he would be kicked to the curb. He is an adult and needs to learn to act like one.
You also need to learn how to parent a teen. She does need to be held accountable for her actions and attitude and that's up to you. Working isn't an excuse, I have worked full time since my kids were little and my children are very respectful of the rules in our house and know that what I say goes. Of course they try and push the issue but they know that I have the final decision.

Jodi - posted on 07/31/2016

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Your job is to parent your daughter, not parent your husband. He needs to grow up and be the adult in the relationship. It sounds to me like your daughter could do with a bit more parenting (yes, she is a teenage girl, but that is absolutely NO excuse for being disrespectful, AND she needs to learn to pick up after herself). Yes, you choose your battles, but honestly, a bit of discipline around these issues will go a long way. Just as an example, just yesterday when I said to my 11 year old that she needs to lose the make up when she goes out of the house, and she is wearing too much, she tried the "I can wear make up if I want to". I spelled it out - if she's going to give me attitude about it, I'll take the make up altogether and she won't even be permitted to use it when she is in the house, so no, you can't do what you like. Period. No argument. Spelled out the consequence should she wish to pursue her issue with me. I would absolutely have followed through.

However, your husband needs to stop engaging her in battles and stooping to her level. You don't "argue" with a teenager. You have clear expectations and consequences and that's it. I agree with Dove, maybe some counselling would help here.

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/02/2016

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You don't need to choose between them. No man should come between you and your daughter. Your husband needs to grow up, or get out.

Your daughter is going through a ton of changes right now, and needs love and support, and probably your attention. Just because she is a girl teenager does not automatically dictate how she should be acting. Sounds like your husband is part of the reason she is acting this way, on top of all of her NORMAL hormones, and all the bullshit that goes along with high school. She needs her mom right now.

Socalpoppy - posted on 08/01/2016

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You are in such a tough spot. I agree with others that it is time for counseling. I hope that you can find peace in your marriage. Strengthening that relationship will go a long way towards helping the relationship between him and your daughter. As his love grows for you, so will his love grow for your daughter. Being sure of your love and respect will decrease the conflict he has with her. You can be each other's refuge in this tough time. Here's an article that made sense to me. http://bit.ly/2ar5YXh

Dove - posted on 07/31/2016

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If he won't go to counseling... go yourself. You need tips on how to handle the situation or on the best way to leave it... and him. I'd let him know a condition to the 3 of you continuing to live together is that he seeks counseling w/ you. Otherwise it may be time for a separation.

Is your daughter in counseling for the behavior issues?

Tiffany - posted on 07/31/2016

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I completely agree and I have said this plenty of times not only to my self but to him as well. My daughter has been her own person for a very long time and unfortunately for me I work and cannot be with her every step of the way, she does have behavior issues and the truth is she's been doing so much more better yet nothing has changed. He wants nothing to do with her and it's a struggle every day. I have done about every thing in the book to keep peace, but my husband is a nagger also, he complains about how much she eats, leaving the tv on when she falls asleep, she's a teenager and she's a little piggy about her bathroom and room it drives me completely insane... He us always downing her, she's my daughter even when it comes to school he's nasty, negative and has no control of what he says as if it would not bother me. I understand he's angry about past things but should he have the right to continue the shit talking. He doesn't say it to her if course but still it's like ok enough and that's where the arguing starts.

Dove - posted on 07/31/2016

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Sounds like your husband needs to grow up and quit fighting w/ a child. I'm thinking some family counseling for all 3 of you is in order. Your daughter needs firm boundaries and consistent discipline... and a lot of patience. Your husband needs to be the grown up and not keep engaging in battle or ignoring his stepdaughter... as both extremes are unacceptable.

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