arrogant step daughter

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/23/2016 ( 27 moms have responded )

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my step daughter is 22 years old, has a 4 year old child and still living with her dad. the thing that annoys me about her is that she is so rebellious towards me and I don't even tell her anything, this is affecting my marriage with her dad. we live in 2 semi's and I'm not even in her space but she consistently speaks bad about me and I come to hear about it. please help in this situation....

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JL - posted on 07/10/2016

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As to a marriage, definitely a man is supposed to leave his parents (past, singlehood) and cling to his wife (& new family), so living apart as you've described that you do is in opposition to that. And being "one" with someone, as is expected in a marriage, isn’t just through occasionally having sex together. It’s bonding spiritually, emotionally and physically (more than just sex): spending time with each other, knowing each other, sharing in each others daily lives, etc.
It’s good that you’re going for counseling and a church can often provide a source of unbiased counseling on marriage even though many think that they will always be against separation or divorce (which is not necessary so since the Bible talks about situations where separating form a spouse can occur). What’s important is that you have a support system while you’re going through this very difficult time and to help you for whatever decision you make concerning your relationship with your husband. If you do go to a church I’d recommend that you make sure the counselors base their counseling on scripture, love and support and perhaps even are certified (like those on a radio program like Focus on the family (their referral number is 855-382-5433). One thing that’s great about having counseling, wherever you find it, is that you’ll find support for more than just your current problem. I pray you find the support you need here and in counseling to help you make wise choices you for and your daughter in the coming days.

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/24/2016

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you are right! this is my second marriage and instead of being happy I'm unhappy. I'm actually preaching this weekend and with all that is going on I feel I cant even do this but I will not give the devil the benefit of not speaking about my life.

I really do deserve much better than this

Michelle - posted on 06/24/2016

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You need to put yourself and your children first. I'm glad you are going to talk to someone but you also need to talk to your "husband" and tell him how you are feeling. Let him know that if the situation doesn't change you will be leaving.
I am worried that you are going to counselling through your church though, hopefully they won't push you to stay in your "marriage".
You deserve to find someone that loves you for who you are and wants to be with you. That someone is out there for you, you just need to find him. Don't settle for just anyone, they need to prove that they deserve to be your partner.

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/24/2016

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so true, I was actually thinking about this last night on what you said to me, and a marriage should be based on 2 people being together but right now I don't see it. I'm actually going for counselling next week at a church and I really need the help to get over him and move on with my kids...im just sitting around waiting for nothing and making myself miserable

Michelle - posted on 06/24/2016

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Just because you are in love with him doesn't mean he is in love with you. If he's not willing to actually live as a married couple then that screams that he isn't in love with you. I don't understand how you have agreed to live apart but still be married. You live next door to each other so it's not as if either of you have to make a huge move!
There is absolutely no reason for you to have separate houses unless he really doesn't want to be married to you.

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2016

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The more you are telling us the more inclined I am to say get out of this "marriage". You don't want your daughter growing up thinking that your relationship is "normal". You don't want her to be treated like that so why would you put up with it being done to you?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/23/2016

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NO man is worth this crap. Just remember, you are raising your daughter in this kind of relationship.

Dove - posted on 06/23/2016

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You don't have a marriage. You don't live together, you don't have sex, and he treats you like a child... He doesn't sound like he's been a partner to you at all during your entire relationship... If that's the life you want... have at it, but it's not a marriage.

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/23/2016

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I have on numerous occasions he tells me do it. there is more to all this. I cant see all this my mind is like so in to him right now that I can be stubborn but I'm actually allowing him to do this. I get the feeling he thinks I'm a child. cos I always get ordered around

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/23/2016

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I would be seriously considering divorce. You are already living apart. Clearly his 22 yr old is more important than you or your baby together. He can have joint custody. I would not put up with this crap.

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/23/2016

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you are so right, well we don't sleep together so the sex is out...I actually blame myself for even falling in his trap in the very beginning. I just was selfish to my needs and felt I was ready for a second marriage but now I guess not. from January this year I have been going through hell with him. I was previously married for 20 years and that went so well until my ex started cheating on me. and now when you think you have met your sole mate it all crumbles

Jodi - posted on 06/23/2016

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WTF? You are married but he won't move in with you? Red flags anyone????? Sorry, but this is NOT a marriage. This is convenience because you are now just exclusive sex when he feels like it.....and that's about it. If he actually cared, he'd be living with you. Why are you degrading yourself?

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/23/2016

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thanks so much, my sons keep telling me why did I marry him cos he makes me suffer, nut maybe when I met him I fell so much in love with him that I got lost in my thoughts and not realising that it would come to this. I will definitely get a marriage counsellor involved in this. thanks and have a blessed day further

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2016

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I'm off the computer now but will check the replies in the morning (for me). Look after yourself and I hope you decide to put yourself and your child first.

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2016

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Your daughter deserves you to be happy.
It sounds like he "wants his cake and eat it to". Just because you have a child together doesn't mean you have to be treated as a 2nd place to his other child. That's what he is doing to you.
Sorry, but that really should have been discussed before you got married. You have a lot more problems than just his daughter in your life. Your marriage needs to have a serious overhaul.
Maybe suggest counselling to him and that way you can say how you feel with a 3rd party there to agree with you. It may make him realize that he is about to lose you and he needs to step up and be a husband to you and a Father to an adult and to stop treating her like his little girl.
Hopefully you can sort it out one way or another.
I have learned that there's no point staying with someone for the sake of the children. If you aren't happy then the children aren't either.

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/23/2016

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when I keep asking him when we are going to move in together he keeps asking if I'm ready to do that, duh then why did I marry him...

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/23/2016

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I have a zillion times but he keeps saying will soon find a place and move. I'm really feeling now like I'm not wanted but the sad thing is I have a baby girl with him and having her without her dad is not good

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2016

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This was obviously going on before you married though. Why didn't you discuss it before you got married?
To me you don't actually have a marriage.

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/23/2016

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oh well that's my suggestion but he seems to have a blind eye to his kids. I'm so tired of this and this November it will be 2 years we are married

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2016

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She's acting like a 2yo, not an adult. Why does he not live with you?
Sorry but to me a husband and wife live together (unless 1 works away), not next door to each other.
He also has another adult dictating his life, do you really want to be married to a child?
Sorry but he needs to stand up and face his adult child. She doesn't get to have Daddy all to herself, she needs to get out on her own.

CYNTHIA - posted on 06/23/2016

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hi, when I married him he was in his house and up until today he is still staying there just comes over when he feels like to sleep,i live on my own but next door. the thing that I don't understand that he seems to be having a don't care attitude from beginning of this year. he has 4 kids and a grandson. when I confront him about the attitude he says I will speak to her

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2016

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What is her Father doing about it?
Seriously, she should be out on her own and not living with her parent.
So do you and your husband live in 1 and she in the other? You said she lives with Dad but then say you live in 2 semi's. Who does Dad live with, you or her?
If he's living with her then you need to rethink your marriage!

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