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Angie - posted on 01/09/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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How do i get my daughter who's 9 to listen, respect me, do chores & take a shower with out a fight? We've tried reward charts & taking things away when she does'nt listen. I know this is a normal issue but its getting worse for me.

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Angie - posted on 01/10/2013

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Thank u that is very helpful advise. I think our biggest problem now stems from my working nights, I have been working nights for a year and I only get to see her for 1/2 hour after school and on weekends. I work nights so we can have the summer together but it may be hurting our relationship.
Also I noticed that when she gets picked on a school she really acts out at home so I feel that it may be a self esteem issue with her too.
Your last piece of advise is the best I will try not to raise my voice and carry on an argument because it just makes the situation worse.

Ariana - posted on 01/09/2013

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For chores and shower could you have a schedule and list to say when these things need to be done. So have certain chores she needs to do or possibly a daily chore chart of the things she needs to get done (whatever it is you're hoping she does) and specific days she is supposed to shower. That way it's a bit more organized rather than her thinking you're always telling her what to do etc.

For not doing chores there could be consequences of things she likes (if she plays video games or watches tv etc.) so you can tell her that obviously these other things are taking up to much time for her to get her chores done. Or for that type of thing have it so she can't go out or do these things until the tasks she's supposed to do are done. That way she's got the list and once everythings checked off THEN she can go outside or watch tv etc. For showering have it so if she doesn't shower she isn't allowed to go out to play or go to a friends. If you don't shower you can't play with others because you don't look/smell respectable.

Another thing with showering is to possibly take her out and let her choose some 'special' soaps and shampoos etc, so she feels like she's getting some cool bath things she can use.

A good thing to do is try and have fun things to do with her, so take her to the park or an activity that's fun. Try to spend more time with her doing things that she likes. When you do things with kids that they like they usually feel closer to you and then are less likely to want to act out. You could start a 'special time' with her where you spend 20 minutes a day doing anything she wants (not watching tv, but hanging out with her or playing with her).

For chores/showering a schedule should be drawn up and she should be expected to do it not to long after she gets home from school. She shouldn't be allowed to go out or do other activities (or watch tv go on the computer) until she's done the chores on the list. Work before play type attitude. I would also not get into a big argument with her. If she argues with you explain to her that if she chooses not to do the work then she chooses to not be allowed on these things, and end the discussion. It takes two people to argue, you only need to say it once to have it known.

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