Asked son to contribute to bills didnt go well.

Dillydeenice - posted on 05/31/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My son is 18 years has had a job for the last year he also has just graduated.. I have been struggling fincially and asked him if he could could take care of the Internet bill which is 40 dollars I had been contemplating how to ask him all week. When I did he gave me a look lile I was crazy and told me just how much money did he think he made. My son doesnt even have bills. He doesnt even pay for his own cell phone bill his father works at tmobile. I told him if you dont have bills what do you need money for? And his exact words were " to get away from this place" Im lost for words and so very dissapointed. Usually I could get angry maybe even yell..18 years of raising him and this is the way he treats me. Hes knows weve been struggling. My hands are tied. Any advice will help.

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Michelle - posted on 06/01/2014

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I had to pay board as soon as I had a job at 15! It wasn't much but because I was no longer in school I had to contribute.
My children know that when they get jobs, they will be asked to contribute to the household as well.
You have every right to be asking him to contribute or cut off the privileges. He's an adult and if he wants to be treated like one then he can help with bills.
I would do what Jodi said and draw up a contract, if he doesn't want to live by your rules in your house he can leave.

Jodi - posted on 06/01/2014

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Absolutely cut him off from things considered privileges. He has no right to take advantage of you! 18 is not an age where you get to do whatever you want, it is an age where you become and adult and need to step up and take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It sounds to me like he is struggling to understand the difference.

Dillydeenice - posted on 06/01/2014

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Jodi today is his go back to father home day , they have sunday dinner. .Until he decides to want to have an adult conversation hes not allowed to come over when im not here to use the internet or tv . Until my son starts wanting to help. Hes not allowed to use them, there not necessities. What you think?

Dillydeenice - posted on 06/01/2014

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Well my sons plan is to go to a comminity college and live here at home. He goes back and forth between his dads and my home but mainly stays here. Before he turned of age we had a 50/50 arrangement. We also have another son who is 13. And I think your right I should have had the talk, I just didnt think it was going to come this fast. I just wish I would have been more prepared. Now im just getting the silent treatment like I did something wrong. And im just way to furious to even want to direct the situtation. The way he responded was so disappointing. Im dissapointed in him.

Ev - posted on 06/01/2014

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I have to agree with Jodi on this one. Long before each of my kids reached their graduation date, we would talk about their choices of going to school, getting work and the like. We would talk about the choices of living on campus or living at my house to go to school and how they would contribute to the household. If they lived on campus well that was taken care of there. At home they would be expected to help around the house, pay for something out of the rent, utilities and food. My daughter finally chose to stay in dorms and she spent her first two summers after the first couple years of college at her dad's. The Christmas of her sophmore year it changed and she moved in with me and the summer following that she lived at my house, worked and helped out in the home. I did not have her pay much on anything because she did do housework and so on. Now her brother is looking at a tech school and living with me and we have talked about his living here and his duties. i think you should have had that conversation with your son long before he turned 18 and so on. That way you would have been prepared for this.

Jodi - posted on 06/01/2014

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So...you DID cut off his internet didn't you? And anything else you pay for?

In all honesty, if he wants to leave, let him leave. he will find it isn't so easy.

Sit down and draw up a contract with him, have an amount he needs to pay for rent, utilities, food, etc, and if he breaks the contract, evict him.

Your hands are NOT tied in the least. You are choosing to allow your hands to be tied.

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