Allison - posted on 10/19/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )
I have read ALL of the advice...I have read ALL of the books...but it doesn't matter what I do, at the end of the day, if I EVER tell my stepdaughter what to do or correct her for something done wrong...then it's my fault.
My husband and I have been together since his daughter was 4 and my boys were 5 and 6. We dated for almost three years and then got married and moved into a home built for ALL of us. We paid close attention, making sure that our relationship was a good example for the kids and that we followed the values that we wanted to instill in our children, in spite of the fact that divorce was part of the picture on everyone's end.
Fast forward three years...I am a monster! My stepdaughter (11) refuses to follow the household rules - she is with us 3-4 days a week and often more...I consider it 50/50 realistically. When she is asked to do anything, she does is (with attitude) but only half way. For example...I ask her to put her multiple pair of shoes that are all over her bedroom away in her closet, and she moves them to just in front of the closet. If I ask her to please NOT put wet towels and her wet hair on the couch - it is IGNORED...especially if she is watching TV with her dad. And these examples apply to absolutely EVERY aspect of our daily lives. If I ask her to take her dirty clothes to the laundry room...it takes an act of congress!!! She will hide the dirty clothes in her closet instead. If she is told to brush her teeth before school, she will respond..."I already did", yet her toothbrush will be BONE-DRY. Her excuse? "Well, I forgot, but I thought I did ". Her dad, by the way, thinks that she never does anything wrong. It doesn't matter what the issue...HE stands up for her and blames ME for barking at her or better yet...picking on her.
Here's the kicker...if I STOP correcting her or expecting her to follow the same rules in the house as everyone else...then I am not proving my love for her - by having LOWER EXPECTATIONS! He says that I am the adult and that I should demand that she does what is expected of her!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Please, Please, Please!!!! If anyone can offer some sane advice, I would love it. I am totally confused as to what I should do.