At what age do you stop cleaning your son's butt?

Sarah - posted on 01/27/2009 ( 31 moms have responded )

11

7

2

I know they need help after potty training but how long does that continue? Not to scare anyone but I do know a 21 year old (whom has two sons of his own) and his mom still cleans his bum... I had an event at my home and evidently he had to go.... halfway through the party I heard a voice call from the bathroom requesting me to call his mother over.... That's a horror story that I don't ever want to happen to me... my son's 7 and although he is capable of doing it... he doesn't do a great job and often needs help... is that normal?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Theresa - posted on 01/27/2009

59

12

1

Get some of the flushable wet wipes, they are in the same aisle as the toilet paper. They are ALOT easier! I prefer them myself! lol I stopped wiping butts as soon as they understood the concept for getting themselves clean... wipe until there is NOTHING on the toilet paper! I think all of my boys were about 3-1/2 when I was done wiping butts. It'll take some time but if they haven't wiped good enough they'll feel it so I'd send them in to wipe themselves again. If there are skid marks in undies just go ahead and talk to him about wiping a little better. At the very least kids should be wiping themselves by the time they get to school! He might just need some reassuring from you that he can get the job done without your help. Good luck!

Danny - posted on 09/18/2013

1

0

0

yes thats fine love, i have a son of my own his 15 and often soils himself and finds it hard to wipe.

User - posted on 01/27/2009

2

30

0

My son is almost 3 1/2 he wipes himself and calls me if he needs help.  We do end up with as he calls them screech marks but hey thats part of being a kid and a mom!  I do agree the flushable wet wipes are great!

Erika - posted on 01/27/2009

4

15

0

I have a 4 year old daughter and she often requests help. What I do is have her do the job as well as she can and then I "finish up". That way I know her butt is clean but she is still learning how to do it. Another thing, is I let her use baby wipes if it is a yucky one, she seems to have an easier time with them because they are easier to wipe with than toliet paper and they clean better. Its easy for me because I have another in diapers so we have wipes around. Also, if she is being obstinate and refuses to try to clean herself up, I ask her, "Are you going to wipe my butt?" (not that I would let that happen, lol) but than she thinks about it and kind of realizes its a personal job that she really ought to be doing herself. Hope some of that helps !! :)

June - posted on 01/27/2009

3

26

0

Since my son's turned 5, I've told him he's a big boy now & it's his responsibility. He's got his choices of flushable wipes or toilet paper. I think once they realize that no one is there to help them, they eventually figure it out themselves. I still do check on him to make sure all went well. God luck!

This conversation has been closed to further comments

31 Comments

View replies by

Jamie - posted on 10/01/2012

2

0

0

My daughter has been independant in the bathroom since late age 3(5 currently). SD(6) and SS(5) moved in last May, both of these children are capable but refused up until about 2 weeks ago when only I was available for care on this issue. I told them that they are responsible for their own bathroom activities and will not be wiping anyone's butt but my own...however I would make sure they were clean after a BM. They have options of either wetwipes or traditional TP at the bowl....SS threw a fit the first time, but now knows the routine... this is pretty much how he learns, unfortunately.

Jaime - posted on 02/17/2012

36

32

6

My daughter is 9 and we started her off wiping her own bottom at potty training time. We always check to make sure the job is done. By the time she was done with kindergarten she was independant. My son is almost 4 and we are just starting to let him wipe himself and we check when he is done. He doesn't have very good fine motor skills and we felt that he needed a little more time before wiping his own bottom. I think it is personal prefrance with this kind of thing. Once they are in full day school they really should be confident in the bathroom, because no one will help them if they need to have a movement in school.

Helen - posted on 01/27/2009

6

3

0

My son will be 7 in March and he still asks me to do it. He is capable of doing it himself but if Im around he asks me to do it. I suppose I should make him do it bit if I do it themn its done properly! My daughter is nearly 9 and dont think I have cleaned her for over a year....but if she asks and Im feeling REALLY soft then I will indulge!!!

[deleted account]

Somewhere around 4 1/2 we had our son start trying on his own, and he would call for us to check and make sure he had done a good enough job. By the time he turned 5, he was completely independent in the bathroom. A kindergarten teacher told us last year to make sure they can do this on their own before beginning public school, after all, they are teachers, not day care workers, and they don't want to be called into the bathroom every time a student needs to have a BM (apparently this teacher has had many students ask for help and understandably doesn't feel it's in his job description!) The wet wipes definitely helped our son (they sell travel packs they can carry in their pocket for school also).

Jolynn - posted on 01/27/2009

1

5

0

I went through the same thing with my son and he eventually just grew out of it. He is now 11 and locks the door and doesn't want me to come in when he is in the bathroom. Like I haven't saw him from every angle when I was wiping his butt.

User - posted on 01/27/2009

10

0

1

Perhaps giving them their two wipes instead of letting them get them themselves :) I havent had a problem with that but good point

Julie - posted on 01/27/2009

5

4

0

can i just note to all mums beware of wet wipes for loos and children!! i have two sets of twins and they have been using wet wipes and blocked my drains costing me £1500 to unblock due to the blockage being 2 metres long ( hmmmmm) only flush two down the loo maximum at a time ( not like my kids who liked to use half a packet !!!!! )

User - posted on 01/27/2009

10

0

1

I help my son once and awhile (hes 5) But what has really helped is that I buy the wet wipe (flushables) and he uses those for poop and it has virtually eliminated his need for my butt wiping skills! 21..what the heck?

Adrianna - posted on 01/27/2009

9

13

0

when the stop leaving the tire tracks on their undies. It helped to get the moist flushable wipes. My daughters where around 7 or 8 years old. I think 21 years old, there is something else wrong than poor bum wiping.

[deleted account]

Quoting Adriana:



Quoting Nicole:








Quoting Adriana:

I thought I was the only one who still did this!!! I have girl 8, girl 6, and boy 5. I still wipe all of their butts at home!! We always use wet-wipes because of sensitive skin. Occasionally when they come home from school and have wiped themselves, the evidence is clear and I will tell them they did the best they could then get them cleaned up. But we all have super sensitive skin and when they come home I always check them, because they will usually be red and sore from not being clean enough. My oldest daughter laughs and says she waits until she gets home to poop so I can wipe her!! I can't imagine the poor things with stinky skin all day, but enough is enough!!!








 








My son is 4 and tells me he poops in the morning before school so he won't have to go while at school. I'm guessing because he doesn't have the luxury of wetwipes at his school. he gets basically the equivalent to diaper rash if he doesn't wipe properly. I always have A&D ointment handy for this very reason..












 









I send a pack of wipes to school with my sons name on it.  He is in pre-school and they have a bathroom in class so my son can keep the pack there.  You may want to ask the teacher if this is ok.  Actually since we started doing this many others in the class now do the same.






Great idea! I will have to ask his teachers if they don't mind him bringing in a pack. Thanks Adriana

Adriana - posted on 01/27/2009

13

8

0

Quoting Nicole:






Quoting Adriana:

I thought I was the only one who still did this!!! I have girl 8, girl 6, and boy 5. I still wipe all of their butts at home!! We always use wet-wipes because of sensitive skin. Occasionally when they come home from school and have wiped themselves, the evidence is clear and I will tell them they did the best they could then get them cleaned up. But we all have super sensitive skin and when they come home I always check them, because they will usually be red and sore from not being clean enough. My oldest daughter laughs and says she waits until she gets home to poop so I can wipe her!! I can't imagine the poor things with stinky skin all day, but enough is enough!!!






 






My son is 4 and tells me he poops in the morning before school so he won't have to go while at school. I'm guessing because he doesn't have the luxury of wetwipes at his school. he gets basically the equivalent to diaper rash if he doesn't wipe properly. I always have A&D ointment handy for this very reason..









 





I send a pack of wipes to school with my sons name on it.  He is in pre-school and they have a bathroom in class so my son can keep the pack there.  You may want to ask the teacher if this is ok.  Actually since we started doing this many others in the class now do the same.

[deleted account]



Quoting Adriana:

I thought I was the only one who still did this!!! I have girl 8, girl 6, and boy 5. I still wipe all of their butts at home!! We always use wet-wipes because of sensitive skin. Occasionally when they come home from school and have wiped themselves, the evidence is clear and I will tell them they did the best they could then get them cleaned up. But we all have super sensitive skin and when they come home I always check them, because they will usually be red and sore from not being clean enough. My oldest daughter laughs and says she waits until she gets home to poop so I can wipe her!! I can't imagine the poor things with stinky skin all day, but enough is enough!!!



 



My son is 4 and tells me he poops in the morning before school so he won't have to go while at school. I'm guessing because he doesn't have the luxury of wetwipes at his school. he gets basically the equivalent to diaper rash if he doesn't wipe properly. I always have A&D ointment handy for this very reason..





 

Germania - posted on 01/27/2009

14

16

0

i so agree w/Theresa Lang Bruno above. as long as they understand the concept for getting themselves clean... and wipe until there is NOTHING on the toilet paper! my son is now 5 and still yells for help but when i pretend to be 'busy' he's adament about "doing it himself", and i let him. funny, i had this same question a few weeks ago, now i know it's time for me to back away. plus, he's expressed interest in trying on his own. what better sign do i need? 1 thing i do have to mention, it might be worth your while to 'know your child's poop'. my son's is always the same consistency so i know he'll hardly have a lot to wipe. but if your child's waste (sorry, i know it's gross) is let's say too soft at times, then it might be worth your while to 'supervise' above process a few times until they get the hang of it. hope this works!

Adriana - posted on 01/27/2009

13

8

0

I thought I was the only one who still did this!!! I have girl 8, girl 6, and boy 5. I still wipe all of their butts at home!! We always use wet-wipes because of sensitive skin. Occasionally when they come home from school and have wiped themselves, the evidence is clear and I will tell them they did the best they could then get them cleaned up. But we all have super sensitive skin and when they come home I always check them, because they will usually be red and sore from not being clean enough. My oldest daughter laughs and says she waits until she gets home to poop so I can wipe her!! I can't imagine the poor things with stinky skin all day, but enough is enough!!!

Leah - posted on 01/27/2009

72

2

7

My grandma was wiping her children's and her grandchildren's bums until about 7.

Megan - posted on 01/27/2009

2

24

0

I have a 5 year old boy that has been wiping his own bum since he was about 3½.  We generally use the flushable wipes and he does really well with those, but if we run out, there is the odd time that he won't wipe properly with actual toilet paper, so he just has to go back and do it again.  It is all trial and error.

Alana - posted on 01/27/2009

4

8

1

my son is 2 1/2 and i have him wipe first then i go behind and wipe an little more. so it's a slow transition..but he still yells for me down the hall... " wipe my bottom" while standing on the sink counter looking at it...

yeah... that's dangerous but he's like a monkey... climbing all over the place...

Jessica - posted on 01/27/2009

4

26

0

i have a three old son that will be going to pre-k in august and i have already started having him wipe it himself! i figured there is no one at school that is going to do it for him so it needs to start now at home! he does not do a perfect job like i do but it gets the job done and we wipe it with a wipey before bed!

[deleted account]

I found a nifty soloution to Niko not wanting to wipe his own heiney... I got him the kids flushable wipes and told him that he could wipe like a big boy with these. Of course I had to help him a few times, and show him how, but after a week and a half, he's been wiping his own w/o my help! Hooray for no more screaming from the bathroom! Now if I could only get him to stop announcing the texture/color of his BM... ugh

Amber - posted on 01/27/2009

1

6

0

HAHA! I know it's not funny, but I was going to say we'll always have to wipe their butts if we want it done right:)

Maureen - posted on 01/27/2009

16

3

3

There are certainly exceptions to the rule but by the time their little arms are physically long enough to reach they should be doing this themselves! And yes for a while it is acceptable to send them back to the washroom to fix the job! My sons are in their 30's and late 20's and there is no way I would consider cleaning their butts now.  (barring serius illness, and even then it would be their wives not me!)  Remember it is his butt and he has to live with it.  If he can live with his shorts sticking & his cheeks caked together, and other kids mentioning his aroma etc...  then it is his game to play!  As a parent it is very important to remove your ego from the equation.  The longer the parent 'brings up the side' to their standards the longer it takes for the kids to come up to snuff.  Face it as people we ALL will only do what we have to do if we can get awy with someone else picking up te slack then we go with it! 

Sharon - posted on 01/27/2009

1

5

0

Usually when a child is toilet trained he /she will want to do it themselves. They don't always do it properly but that is part of learning. Perhaps you need to take a step back and let him be responsible for his own bottom. It is hard to let a child grow up when you only have one.

Jeannine - posted on 01/27/2009

4

12

1

21 Yikes!!!! Clealy a Momma's Boy:) My son's going to be 4 in March and I stlll help him wipe his butt, he does it on his own sometimes if I can't get to him right away, but he doesn't always do the best job, which at his age I don't expect him to! Personally for me it's going to be when he gets it and at his and my comfort level, I'll probably still be helping him out at 7 too, there's nothing wrong with it you want your son to be clean back there right! Don't sweat it as long as he's okay with it continue and you can always ask your pediatrician her advice on it next time you visit! Hope this helps!

Samantha - posted on 01/27/2009

15

33

0

My daughter is capable of wiping her bum and does it at school very well but at home we still help but if i leave her there long enough she will wipe herself and go on with her day, I have been slowly weining her telling her she is a big girl now and for her to show mommmy how to do it.  I say I will inspect when she is done. and she gets a sticker for a job well done.



hope this helps



Samantha

Aleksandra - posted on 01/27/2009

2

6

1

Same here, my son will be 7 in may, and I am still cleaning his bum. I figure I'd prefer to do that than to wash really dirty underwear :-) I don't know when this will end, so I am very interested in other moms' answers too....

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms