At what age should I not tolerate anger outburst from my daughter.

Nnalee - posted on 05/18/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )




I understand that there will be outbursts of anger from time to time. My daughter wants to get her way all the time. She is 4 and almost everything ends in a tantrum. I am wondering at what age is it time for me to turn up the consequences when she throws a tantrums? Also, what are some consequences appropriate for throwing tantrums?


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Dove - posted on 05/23/2016




You never 'tolerate' a tantrum... as in the child is supposed to be taught from the very beginning that it isn't an appropriate way to get what you want. As far as what you DO about it.... Well, that depends on what SHE is doing during these tantrums, what is causing them, and what you have done so far.

I will let you know (just because I went through it) that wicked age inappropriate tantrums can be a sign of a deeper issue. I had the child that screamed off and on and tried to run away from the house for 45 minutes straight at 5 years old for the simple fact that I told him we were going to the store the next day for what he wanted, so I wasn't going that day.... And a few months later he was finally diagnosed w/ anxiety and depression.

Now... this could just be a stubborn little girl who has discovered tantrums get her a certain type of attention... or it could be something a little more by this age.

Etta - posted on 05/23/2016




Tantrums at any age must be addressed. I found that having the child sit in a chair for the number of minutes that matched the child's age helped and then a hug and a reminder that it is ok to be angry but not ok to kick, scream, throw things, shout etc.
Some kids are better at articulating their feelings. Sometimes it is a cry for attention-negative attention is better than no attention.
Sometimes you may see one coming on and you can nip it in the bud by being firm and stating the behavior is a bad choice and will result in the consequence you have set.
Hope that helps, as parenting can be very challenging and exhausting.

Jodi - posted on 05/19/2016




You should never "tolerate" them, as in, allow your child to believe it is an acceptable way to behave or give in to them, but 4 is definitely old enough to have consequences for tantrums. The problem is, children throw tantrums for some kind of pay-off. What have you been doing up until now? That might determine what you should do from here on in, because a 4 year old still throwing tantrums sounds like we have a child that throws tantrums because it pays off for them. Generally by age 4, tantrums have decreased and communication has increased.

Miriam - posted on 05/18/2016




4 is a good age to turn up the consequences. That is preschool age, and you know preschools wouldn't tolerate regular tantrums, and they help remedy them, and since they are professionals with that age range, they must also feel it's a great age to expect more.

As far as advice on what to do, I don't know exactly. I think the best people to ask would be a preschool teacher; they have seen and dealt with all kinds.

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