at what point after a husband is unfaithful is a marriage over

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

My husband was unfaithful to me and went on a date with someone he met on plenty of fish while I was in the hospital having our 3rdchild I have been trying to make it work but I don't think it is at what point is it time to walk away?

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Delia - posted on 06/17/2015

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Honestly this is a situation that is completely up to the individual...it takes a very long time to build back the trust and it is something you have to weight if it is worth the time and effort. If you both are on the same page about trying to make it work then counseling and lots of communication and taking things slowly, working without the expectation that things will be perfect. There will be arguments and bumps in the road but don't think that just because things don't go the right way immediately that you should just throw in the towel. Don't expect things to go back to the way they were before, remember the way things were going before and he cheated....Try to come to a common ground to work on your relationship together to move forward and work past the infidelity. Remember that once you decide to continue your marriage and work on things for the better you can not constantly bring up the past and what happened. You will never forget, this is true, but you can move on and learn to build trust again. Remember also that communication means that you have to do a lot of listening to each other and not just talking and waiting for your chance to respond once the other is finished speaking....and don't make this about the children...you have three but this is about you and him, do what is best for you, don't hold on just because of them because you can not be the best mommy to them if you are miserable. Good Luck.

Duse1 - posted on 06/19/2015

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You will know when you can no longer repair it.. If you are not happy then you can't.. if you love him still and want to make a go of it, then do so.. does not matter what other's say... it only matters about the happiness of your family.
he will have to prove himself for sure, and should not mind doing so.. but you also will have to learn trust again. It could take a bit.. but he better be patient and let you do that.. building up that trust again himself.. counseling is a must.. .. OH and that saying, it does not matter about the kids only what you want... that is hog wash.. Of course your kids should matter... but believe me,, if mommy is not happy no kid is going to be happy.. I once told my mom to leave my Dad.. If your child says that.......then do it.. LOL. A child sometimes sees more then you think.. They will know.
on the other hand if you think you can keep your family together,, the kids are happy mom eventually is happy again and all is right with the world.. Then so be it. and let NO man tell you that you are wrong. cause until they walk a mile in your shoes.. they can hold their tongue.. HUGSS Good luck and a little prayer wouldn't hurt either..

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/17/2015

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In my house/relationship? the relationship is over the minute he sticks his dick somewhere it doesn't belong. In other words. Immediately.

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Gena - posted on 06/17/2015

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My husband knows if he would ever cheat on me he can come home and pack his bags. I wouldnt ever forgive him and I don't ever want to be in a relationship that way. I say our marriage is based on trust,respect and love. If he would cheat he would break all of that and I wouldn't trust or respect him anymore.

Stacie - posted on 06/17/2015

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"People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing" He needs to be an open book all the way if he is going to be able to have a chance to earn your trust back. If he is hiding behind secrecy STILL, then chances are that he is hiding something. No one can tell you when it's the time to end or heal a marriage, but I have been through my own mess in my previous marriage and there was no repairing it. Not because of what was done, but because of what he was unwilling to do to heal it. There couldn't be healing if there wasn't honesty and loyalty to build on. I'm so sorry you're hurting right now.

[deleted account]

He does not have a phone anymore since that happened my brother was in a bad motorcycle accident last week so I went to the hospital for a few hours to see him when I came home I noticed all the history on the phone and tablet was deleted he is saying he was watching porn and didn't want me to see but that what he said the last time when we literally wrestled over his phone because I found a hidden email address I didn't even o about by the time I got the phone everything was cleared , I do love him but I have alway been the type of girl that you cheat even once and you get out but I feel like i am drownding in wondering if he will do it again I don't think I can ever get past this and I feel like I'm losing myself. I hardly recognize myself after this happened , like he sat next to me while I was getting the epidural to have our 3 Rd and was texting her then the day I got home from the hospital he said he was going to work but he went to see her then I found out he had not been working in weeks but he left like he was going to work and he was supposibly working nights I just don't no what to do he doesn't try to hug me touch me kiss me or anything and he gets mad at me for not coming up to him and kissing him or anything but every time I think about kissing him I can't get the thought of him with her out of my head I feel like I'm going crazy

Raye - posted on 06/17/2015

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My husband knows that if he is unfaithful that means instant divorce. That's something I know I could not come back from. My sister-in-law is going through a divorce now with the father of her three kids, because he cheated. If you both want to stay married, then you should get into counseling and he has to earn your trust back. That will take time. He should give you the passwords to his phone, e-mail, etc. so you can see he's not fooling around. If you catch him doing any of it again, then I say you should leave.

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