Avoiding anger towards step son

Jenelle - posted on 09/01/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have a 10 month old and a 4 year old step son. I love them both. My step son hasn't seen his biological mother in over a year and never will again due to her inability to parent. I have a lot of resentment towards her for the things she has done to my family. My step son is very confused with life and was abused by her. He tends to be violent with me and my son and doesn't listen to literally anything. I love him but lately I feel like I've been the evil step parent by having a short fuse with him. Does anyone have a situation similar or any book recommendations for how to deal with a problem like this. I feel like I'm treating my biological son better (yes it's a closer bond because he's my flesh) and I don't want my step son to feel any different. This is just a hard time for our family right now.


Dove - posted on 09/01/2015




I would recommend you seek family counseling as soon as possible. Your stepson likely needs it to help deal w/ and heal from the abuse that he has suffered... and you could certainly use a safe place to vent out your feelings and get sounding board advice on how best to deal w/ him to help him heal as well. You certainly don't want the resentment towards the mother to turn into resentment towards the son for things he can not control... and it's important for you to be able to let the resentment go, so that YOU can heal as well.


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Jodi - posted on 09/02/2015




I don't know of any books specifically, but I strongly suggest you do some research into childhood trauma and how it affects a child, as the responses this child has are merely a product of his trauma. Trauma, even loss of a parent, or any level of parental neglect, changes the way a child's brain is wired. Children of trauma need a different approach,and this is where your step son is at.

I agree with Dove - you should get some counselling as a family to help you deal with his issues. However, it is probably that he will also need individual counselling to help him - the earlier the better, as early intervention means he can make new connections in his brain that will help him move forward in a healthy way.

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