Rachel - posted on 02/05/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )
I just need to get this off my chest more than anything. My husband and I have a 3 year old daughter. She wasn't planned on, (but she is very much loved) 6 months or so into our relationship. We finally got married this past June, bought a house. The whole package is complete and ready to move forward. We even took into consideration the number of bedrooms the house had, so that "when we have another baby" the house would be big enough.
Before the wedding we had talked about another baby. We agreed that obviously, we wouldn't start trying until after the wedding. Then it was until after we bought a house. We do want to go on a honeymoon, but have had things delay our submitting passport applications, so none of the places we want to go are available to us until that is done (it is slowly being accomplished).
My husband seems to think that I would feel really self-conscious about being pregnant on honeymoon. Personally, I don't think I would feel that way. I know I really did with my daughter, but the first trimester with her was rather traumatic. My mother was happy for me when I first told her the news that we were expecting. Two days later after talking to my step-dad about it, she started pushing me for abortion, and would not let up until I was too far along and she had to accept it. It was very hard to deal with, and left me feeling very ashamed to be carrying my daughter. My husband who, at the time, had only been in my life for less than a year, and had thought he didn't want kids, was not living with me and was very freaked out. He was there for me through the whole thing. I felt very alone though, knowing that I was changing the way he viewed his whole future, and didn't want to scare him away by asking him to come to prenatal check ups and touching my belly etc.
Things are much different now. We're married, we work well together, we both love our little girl as much as humanly possible, and we're both agreed that we want another child. I'm just getting frustrated because it's always "when we start trying". All this baby talk has got me ready to start RIGHT NOW. As horrible as the things I had to deal with while I was pregnant before were, they aren't an issue anymore. When I was able to feel good about being pregnant, I loved it. I want another baby. I almost feel like I'm "baby crazy" like Monica on Friends. I just don't want to feel like a nag. I feel like bringing this out in the open with my husband will be more like pressuring him when he isn't quite ready, even though it is something he wants. I just don't know how to keep my mind off the subject. I am home with my daughter full time, which probably emphasizes my wanting another baby. Every day I look at her and think to myself "she is getting so big!". She has been potty trained since August, she's learned how to write most of her letters (upper and lower case), she's becoming a little independent person who isn't going to need me nearly as much as she does now, in only another couple years.
It is just really hard to try and go on taking my pill every day knowing that we both want a baby. It's hard not to look at my daughter and think "I can't wait until she has a baby brother or sister", she loves babies and kids. How do I tell myself to be patient? I know the day will come when he wants to start trying, I just seem to want that day to be TODAY, not "once we do this, go there..." it's been that way for a few months shy of a year. I feel like a baby crazed lunatic.
I hope there is someone out there who can sympathize because I am starting to feel absolutely insane and obsessed.