baby blues

Barbara - posted on 06/16/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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hi!
I have a 4 month baby and i feel very lonely and depressed and bored. Every day is the same, my husband works all day, it is cold winter and i care for my baby alll day. I love her but sometimes i feel so low...my friends are in another stage of their life, without babies, my mother lives out of the city and i have no one to talk to about how i feel....

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Leigh - posted on 06/16/2011

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I was in your shoes 15 months ago. My son is now 19mo. It was the dead of winter, my family was 3 hours away and my husband was working 10-12 hour days. What I can tell you is that I was fine until my son was about 2 1/2-3mo, then I started to feel like I was starting to get a bit crazy. I wasn't depressed, but I had some major post partum anxiety. After about 4-6 weeks of thinking it would go away on its own, I started not sleeping and would start shaking with anxiety at the thought of getting out of bed and caring for my son (whom I love with all my heart). I finally called my Ob and said that I thought I had PPD/PPA, she got me on some Zoloft (which you can use when breastfeeding) and I saw a counselor who specialized in PPD/PPA 3 times. I felt almost immediate relief when I voiced it to my Ob.
It's a daunting task to care for a newborn and you are pretty much doing it on your own b/c of your husbands work schedule. You sound like you are getting a bit more than your basic baby blues. Call you Ob, (s)he can get you some support. Also, call a friend or two - mine all have older kids but were willing to take my son for a few hours to get me some break time during the day.

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Barbara - posted on 06/18/2011

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thanks for your advice! I will try to do some of the things you say, like date night..i have thought about it but been still afraid of leaving my baby..and i think my husband needs some attention from me. Still thinking on where to find new friends, ill try the park...yesterday a mom approached me to ask about a toy my child had...i almost told her if she wanted to be friends, jajaj

Barbara - posted on 06/18/2011

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i am from santiago, chile and its really cold here. I wish i lived in the US. Here there is very little information, groups and support for PPD but yesss, i have to find my way out of this. When did your baby sit up and entertain himself? My daughter, Leonora (lenore i think in english) is 4 month today and still demands my TOTAL atention, although she behaves pretty well compared to other babies.

Mrs. - posted on 06/17/2011

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Barbara, if it is past four months that the depression has lasted, it is unlikely that it is the "baby blues" anymore. I'm not a professional, but I too had/have PPD/PPA. First off though, I want to tell you that it gets easier and it won't last forever. See someone who specializes in PPD and you will be better for it even if it is just a mild case.

I'd love to share some simple stuff with you that worked for me though, until and during my visits with a therapist.

1. Exercise. You must do something everyday. If it is just a walk outside with the baby, you need to do it. If it is winter, like you said, I found walking up and down the stairs in my apt. building with my newborn strapped to my chest to be some of the most challenging exercise I've ever done. If that's too much, find a local shopping centre and walk inside if the winter weather is too much for you.

2.Eat. I found I would forget to eat regular like and it does not help make you feel better.

3.Date Night. I know, this seems impossible, it did to me. You need to try and attempt some alone time with your husband.

4. Routine. Set a routine for yourself. People thrive on routine, especially a depressed person. At night, before you go to sleep, take an hour to unwind. If you like to read, take a bath, watch a programme on TV, listen to music...do it, just for a half hour if that's all you got. This time should just be for you.

5. Expand your circle. I too found so many of my friends were just in a different place than me. You must go out and find some new people to connect with. Baby classes are an excellent place to meet moms that might be in the same position as you. The park is also excellent, I've met some good friends there.

6. Set a goal just for you. I trained for a 5k and went back to school to study writing once a week. Not big goals, but they got me through.

Give any of those simple things a go and don't forget to communicate with your husband/family. They need to know, you are not doing well and you need support. Ask for help.

Amy - posted on 06/17/2011

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maybe you should look at post partem depression, also get outside take a walk, the sun will help, do you have a church that you can connect with who have simillar sitiuations.

Leigh - posted on 06/17/2011

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Funny, everytime we are at the park and my son meets a kid around his age, I need to curb my gut reaction of asking the mom if we can get the kids together sometime! We just moved from where we had been living for 5-6 years and where all my friends were. (We are only 15 minutes from my parents and brother and his wife now.) I don't want to be the strange, stalking mommy! Luckily, one of my high school friends has a son a month older than mine and we get the boys together often. But, I do wish I and he had more friends at this point. I am thinking of taking him to a place called My Gym, its semi-structured playtime that is set up by age in this kids gym that is in the next town. My boss takes his son there and says it's great. I just don't want to have to pay to get my kid and myself some socialization. I've also tried the library's kid's programs and the community/adult education/recreation's kiddie swim. We did that last summer when my son was only 6mo. Look around your area to see what is available and cheap/free.
It definately gets better and easier. It was definately hard in the beginning when he was just this lump who laid there, nursed, slept and pooped. Once he could sit up and play a bit, his personality came out and he was entertaining all day. Mine has always been pretty good at entertaining himself for a bit. Definately good at it before he could crawl, but then lost it a bit because he was too busy exploring everything - which was a pain b/c I had to chase him everywhere. He's back to being able to entertain himself (sometimes for 20+minutes!) b/c he now really plays with his toys instead of just inspecting them for10 seconds. He'll sit and park his trucks in their garage over and over.
Definately talk to your Ob. I was only on the Zoloft for about 4 weeks. I still occassionally have pangs of anxiety but nothing more than I think is normal mommy anxiety now. I am thinking of starting to work on #2 and need to find out if my chances of having PPD/PPA are increased b/c of what happened with #1. When I was in the hospital with my son, the hospital gave me a questionnaire concerning PPD and I scored a 0 on it! I figured, "Ah, I have nothing to worry about!" Ooops!
Where are you that it is winter? My guess is southern hemisphere since it is getting summer here in the northern one.

Barbara - posted on 06/17/2011

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thanks for your advice! Think ill go and see a specialist before i get worse....is it true that it gets easier as months go by? i just hope someday my baby will learn to entertain herself a little. Wish i also had friends with children, they are ALL single and having fun, earning money, etc and i really feel no one understands. Sometimes i think of aproaching moms with babies in the street and ask them: wanna be my friend, jajaj, lets go through this together...

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