Baby daddy cheated on me. Support.

Jacklyn - posted on 03/29/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )




My sons father led me on to believe he wanted my son and I and him to be a family since our son was born. I gave him a second chance after forgiving a lot of lies and his threats for me to abort our son when I was pregnant. But in the year I gave him, he refused to move in together claiming he was working a lot to save to buy us a house, and refused to help me with our son saying he was always tired from working so much, and hardly spent time with us. I have raised our son pretty much on my own paying my own apartment and working full time and attending grad school part time. He was giving me some money to help out, but ever since I found out he has been cheating, I filed for child support and broke up with him, so he refuses to pay now and often just tells me off and demands that I close the case because I am making things worse.

I have not seen him in more than three months but he often emails me demanding that I talk to him and that to blame me for things not working between us, that it was my fault he left our family, and although I know it wasnt. I am struggling with knowing that I cant so easily cut him off of my life since we have a son. Any advice or tips? Anyone been in my shoes?

I filed for child support and waiting on that, and have changed my number and told him if he wants to see our son, he can email me and I can make arrangements for him to pick him up from my parents, but he only emails me demanding to talk to him and that I am bad for not caring for him or show concern for him or try to be friends. He never apologized for cheating and treats me like he had every right to not be here for his son. I changed my number because he would leave me nasty voicemails and send me text messages just putting me down and blame me for everything and get me to close the case. So I made it clear if he wants to see our son he is more than welcome to, however he demanded that I take him to him and spend time together because our son has no relationship with him. I told him my mom would be happy to drop our son off to him, but he says no.

Just looking for support.


Amanda - posted on 03/29/2016




i kind of am in the same position.. except he cheated on me while i was pregnant with his son and got her pregnant, i gave him a second chance and he wants to blame me for him cheating. We live in separate houses, he doesn't come to my house to help with the baby and gets mad when i call him MY SON. I filed for child support and he keeps switching jobs so i never get money long, i'll get it for a month or two then he switches and by the time they give me the child support money hes off to a new job, and he also pays support on another child ( total 3 children) but he only pays for my son and his daughter


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Raye - posted on 03/30/2016




I agree with Jodi, that having court orders in place to assure legal custody and provide visitation terms for the father is the best legal recourse you can have. It takes the emotions out of it and doesn't allow one parent to manipulate the other by using the child as a bargaining chip. You should still pursue the child support and have them garnish his wages.

I also think it's perfectly reasonable to have your mother as a go-between when arranging visitation, or to meet in a public place for the trade. If you are uncomfortable around him, then you should protect yourself. But do document the times that you've allowed him access to the child and he's refused. E-mails can be presented to the judge as evidence that you haven't been keeping the child from him, and it should not be a strike against you that you wanted the hand-off to be at your mother's.

Jodi - posted on 03/30/2016




Do NOT close the child support case. Instead, if he isn't paying, escalate it to collection.

You can't, however, dictate the rules around when and where he can see his son without running risk of being accused of parental alienation. The best thing you can do right now is file for custody and visitation orders to establish these things. THEN you will be in a position to stick to a schedule, and if he doesn't then that will be his problem.

Jacklyn - posted on 03/29/2016




Hi Amanda. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It is more complicated than mine. My family and friends keep telling to just ignore him which I mostly have at this point. One thing I refuse to do is let him blame me for his poor choices. If he wants to be with you let him prove it. My baby's father didnt even apologize much less ask for another chance. The way I see things, he is happy being with other girls or another girl and only trying to get me to close the case so things are more convinent for him. But we need to do what we need to do for our babies.

I am very sorry he doesnt keep a job and child support isnt consistent. I wouldnt be surprised that he is doing it on purpose. Regardless, the back pay piles up and there are consequences. Well, in CA there are. I am not sure where you are currently residing. At some point, we just need to cut these people off because when I think about it, I need to be mentally and emotionally healthy and our children our counting on us to protect them and give them the best chance at have stability. Hang in there and know you are not alone.

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