Baby daddy issues..

Kimberly - posted on 06/23/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )




To start off, doctors told me i didnt have a chance of getting pregnant.
My ex (25 yrs old) and I (20 yrs old) were dating for a little under a year when i got pregnant in November of 2015. A couple months before i got pregnant we were talking about precautions just incase it were to happen, he told me i had nothing to worry about and that he would never leave my side. Everything was great. He was there with me for the first few months, in february everything started going down hill. From my families health to our relationship. When i needed him the most, physically and emotionally, he just wasnt there for me. He then broke up with me the first day of April because he said he lost feelings from me in march. He told me this once i caught him going out to bars with another girl. About a month later, still living with me because he wanted to be here for our baby, he starts seeing a girl from work. This girl (a month younger than me) knows i'm pregnant and wanted nothing to do with him because he was having a baby. A couple days later she agrees to dating him and still doesnt approve of our unborn child. She tells him that he shouldn't be hanging around with his ex if he wants to be with her, and continues to get mad at him for living with me. When he'd go over her house he wouldnt answer my calls or text messages. Especially when taking my car over there. They were on and off for a month because she knew it wouldnt work out knowing there was a baby on the way. Recently i told him he had to choose between his child or this girl because he was spending all his time with her when all i've been worrying about is how we were going to raise our child. I was the only one buying things for the baby, worrying about how we were going to afford to take care of him once he was born, and everything else. He not once bought a thing for our baby, but claims our son is going to be the most important thing in his life. We had a long conversation about a week ago and he told me i should maybe just raise my son on my own. Obiviously at that point he was only thinking about himself and this girl. After i broke down and told him i didnt impregnate myself, he agreed that he would put his son first 100% and not put his effort into a girl who didnt accept the fact that he was having a kid in the first place. Everything was going good for about a week and then i find out hes back to talking to this girl again after agreeing that our child came first. About 2 days ago i kicked him out of the house because i wanted the best for our child and thats not having his father put all his attention on another girl while i'm trying to raise my son. He still goes to the doctors appointments but still barely talks to me. Yesterday, i get a text saying "i hate this. I don't like being away from you like this." I don't know where to go from here..
Advice please?


~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/24/2016




Sounds to me like this guy doesn't know what he wants. I personally would keep him at arms length. If you want to, let him go to the doctors with you. I always feel the father has that right, unless it makes you totally uncomfortable.

Be very careful with this man. It sounds to me like you are his go to girl when other women want nothing to do with him. Back yourself away from the drama and set some serious boundaries. When the baby is born, make sure you put him on the birth certificate, and arrange custody and child support right away. He is going to be on again, off again in your life if you allow it. Don't enable his shitty behavior.

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Michelle - posted on 06/24/2016




I agree with the other ladies. You aren't together and the baby isn't even here, why can't he spend time with someone else. You will need to learn that you have no say in how he lives his life. It doesn't matter if you disagree with what he's doing or not, it's HIS life, not yours.
I also suggest that you don't live in the same house as your ex, it will never work. When the baby is born you then go and get custody, visitation and child support sorted out.

Jodi - posted on 06/24/2016




Firstly, WHY did the doctor tell you that you could never get pregnant. That sounds bizarre to me, unless you'd had your uterus or ovaries removed. Other than that, there is generally ALWAYS a chance, no matter how small.

Anyway, I am just going to say that you don't have the right to make him choose between a relationship with another woman and the child. After all, YOU don't want him, so why can't he pursue a relationship with someone else? You don't get to make that decision for him. He has a right to a relationship with the child regardless. He doesn't have to spend his time with you if he doesn't want to. He isn't in a relationship with you. The only reason he has to have anything to do with you is after the child is born when he can have access to a relationship with the child (not you). Stop trying to control him.

Ev - posted on 06/23/2016




First, why did you two not take more precautions so you did not have a child? I know it is past and you have a child now but you barely knew him a year.
Second, When he first went after another girl, you should have just closed the door on the relationship with him between the two of you. His going back and forth let him have his cake and eat it too. He from the first time he went after another chick was most definitely not going to remain at your side. Guys will say almost anything at times to get what they want.
Third, you need to go get custody, visitation and child support sorted out.
Fourth, do not go back to him. He can not make his own mind up and can not stay true to you or the child. He is acting like a teenager rather than a grown man.

Dove - posted on 06/23/2016




Your child isn't even born yet... None of this back and forth stuff matters when it comes to the baby. None of it. If he is not in a relationship w/ you he has every right to pursue a relationship w/ any other woman that he wants and that has zero bearing on whether or not he can be a father to his child (who isn't even born yet).

When the baby is born you guys go to court for custody, visitation, and child support orders... and then you follow them. If the father chooses to let another woman come between him and his relationship w/ his child... that will be his problem and his loss, but it's not up to YOU to decide what type of relationship he does and does not have w/ his child. It's up to the court to lay it out and up to him to follow.

YOU just focus on yourself and your child and not fighting back and forth w/ this guy... and everything will fall into place. Not that it will be EASY, but you get through.

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