Baby Daddy Left me

Rachael - posted on 09/20/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




This is my first time posting but I feel compelled to tell my story and ask for advice from the community. My baby's father left me when I was 7 months pregnant while I was living in Alabama with him. I was originally from Michigan and had been living with him when I found out I was pregnant. He broke up with me after a fight we had one night and told me he wanted to be a 'team' even though he didn't want to live with me anymore. I had no family or friends in Alabama and made the difficult decision to move back to Michigan and have my baby there. I left at 37 weeks pregnant and my family had to come down and move me back to Michigan. I was constantly wondering why he left me and thought he must have found someone else. When I delivered my baby in Michigan he drove up from Alabama and was in the delivery room. Because I still loved him I put his name on the birth certificate and hyphenated our last names (big mistake). I soon came to find out that he had been dating a younger girl since we broke up (when I was 6 months pregnant). I also found out he brought he to Michigan when he came up for the birth of his son. He held my legs while I pushed and helped take care of me in the hospital all the while his girlfriend was in a hotel room nearby. He recently admitted to dating her and admitted to her coming to Michigan. He finds nothing wrong in her being there and thinks it's OK that he found someone else. Now he wants her to meet my son of 2-1/2 months. He says he loves her and wants to marry her. She wants to meet me and become my friend. She says she will help take care of my baby with my ex. Her and him think it's great for my son to have multiple moms in his life. He has only been with her for 6 months and I don't know how to respond to him. He says he is getting a lawyer and says I took his son from him and he could never love me because of that. I only left to protect myself and my son and to get help from my family. I feel so lost, hurt, and frustrated that a man I loved and trusted would do such a thing to me. I am the mother of his child and he can't even respect my concern for our son meeting his new girlfriend; he is so young and I can't handle another woman taking care of him... Please, if anyone has advice on how I should proceed with him, I would appreciate it.

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Dove - posted on 09/20/2015




Get a court order for custody, visitation, and child support... and then don't worry about what he does or does not do w/ his life. You guys broke up. Hurtful and frustrating, but it's life and you are still BOTH parents of your son and you BOTH have an equal right to a relationship w/ him... and the father can have his girlfriend around your baby just like you can have another boyfriend around your son when that time comes.

Jodi - posted on 09/20/2015




A name is just a name. He is still the father, so (1) he should be on the child's birth certificate (it will ultimately make no difference to custody, etc if he is) and (2) the name also makes no difference.

Secondly, you had broken up. He has a new girlfriend - that was inevitable. He brought her with him to Michigan. You guys were not a couple, he had a right to make that choice. At least he didn't bring her to the hospital and had the respect to support you during birth and leave her at the hotel. It IS ok that he found someone else given you and he aren't together. Yes, perhaps a little soon, but each to their own. I understand it is hurtful, but you guys had been split for 2 months.

See your other post for my other advice for her meeting the child.

He is sensible to get a lawyer to protect his rights. He has rights with regard to custody and visitation. You should want protection of custody orders to - at this point, a lawyer would be sensible for you too. You should also file for child support.

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