Baby daddy problem, in desperate need of some help please !!!

Amanda - posted on 08/20/2013 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My baby daddy keeps fighting with me ever since we found out I was pregnant, I was with him at the time. Honestly I know so much crap about things some of his family has done and even he had mentioned he did as well, that I don't want my son around him or his family period. He lives over 10 hours away and thinks that every weekend I am going to drive down there to let him see my son. My baby is not born yet and I have not filed nothing yet because in my state you can't do so until the child is born. My point is I don't trust my baby daddy at all. Or the people he hangs around. I'm not putting him on the birth certificate, but he can file for a DNA test all he wants. He tells me I can't stop talking to him when all he does is fight with me and that's wht I comes down to me feeling is I can't freakin stand him. He drives me insane. My plan is to have him pay child support and me fight for full custody. But i dont know how to pursue that, im only 20 an this is my first child.bWhat I need advice on is if I don't put him on the birth certificate, even tell him when I go into labor, or dnt have any contact with him until I speak to a lawyer, (Can he use that against me for anything???) Anybody wanna give a girl advice, Please :) Thanks!!!!!!!

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Jodi - posted on 09/11/2013

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How so? Because a judge makes that decision. If you want to keep him away from the father, you only have the right to do that if the court has given you that right.

Ev - posted on 09/11/2013

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When you say he was messed with by family members and has said he has done the same to an younger boy, what do you mean exactly? If it is sexual in nature but you have no proof other than his word for it, then you can not decide if he sees the child and how he sees the child. Its up to a judge to decide what is in the best interest of the child. We only have your side of this and your words on what is happening. I am not being mean here but being real. Unless there is documented proof, criminal record, or other evidence of said activities, then a judge is not going to keep this man from seeing or having a relationship with his child. Just because you are mom does not give you full rights to the child and he gets none. YOU BOTH had sex together and this CHILD is the end result. As such for the next 18 years, you both will be in each other's lives full time. When or if this goes to court, you will have to follow the court orders to a T. Or either of you will be in contempt of court. I know how hard it is to let the father have the kids even for a while alone; I have had to let them go live with dad for the last 11 years. It was not a choice I would have made but it was one that had to be made. It was for their own good. I am still very active in their lives. But the point that is being made here by the rest of us is that you have to set up something for this child to protect him or her, yourself, and dad. That way the court orders for visitation, custody, and support can be taken care of if not met by either of you. Having a child with someone is not something you take lightly and it is an investment for life. You need to take care of that investment like you would your money. But you can not dictate what goes on if this goes to court. But you have to be ready for anything.

Amanda - posted on 09/10/2013

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Thanks for thoughts and comments. I'm just not 100% sure if I want him around my child still. He has admitted to being messed with by some family members and he has also admitted to doing the same to a younger boy! Honestly as a new parent to the woe I don't want to but y child in that position that it could happen!

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You need to get a lawyer as soon as possible, before the baby is born. You can't start proceedings until after the child is born, but you can prepare everything and have a plan in place to be filed on the child's birthday. Plus, it's nice to have everything in order so you can focus on the new baby once born rather than trying to figure out the court system.

That said, even if you are awarded full custody, he still has rights to whatever visitation the court orders, and you will be required to follow the court order. The only way to get him out of your lives completely is to have him sign his rights away--he has to do it voluntarily, a judge has to approve it, and he will no longer be obligated to pay child support or support the child in anyway. States vary on whether or not he would be allowed to contact the child.

This is the guy you chose to be the father of your child. He will now be a part of your life forever and you need to come to terms with and accept that. Until the case goes to court, you can extend an invitation for him to come visit the child. You do not have to drive 10 hours to take the child to see him (unless the court orders you to, but until then, you are only obligated to allow him contact with the child).

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2013

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You need to see a lawyer, but you shouldn't deprive your child of getting to know its father. At the very least, your baby has rights here too, and you could argue for supervised visitation. Unless you have strong evidence that he would abuse or neglect the child, it is highly unlikely that a judge would not grant him some sort of visitation rights.

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