baby mom from hell

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

Ok so im 24 yr old female dating a 39 yr man with a 19yr old baby mom of a 2 1/2 yr son. Ive beendating my boyfriend for almost a yr but we have been good friends for 13 1/2 yrs. He baby mom constantly threatens him of taking the kid away from him over the smallest thing im sick and tired of seeing him in pain. I dont speak my mind so much when it comes to this situation because i really dont know how to help him fix it. But i can say that i know that it causes issues in our relationship so today after four days of the babymom saying that he couldnt see his son she wants to call and say that she wants him to see the child. I need advice because i got upset because this is a routine and he feels like this is the only way to see the child if he plays by her rules but i am the one who haves to cheer him up or consoled him after shes toyed with his emotions and the only reason she does this is becsuse hes in a serious relationship i suggested ee break up so he could remain seeing the child but he declined that suggesting how do i help wighout being overwhelmed with his emotions.
Note; she has recently said the kid might not be his.

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Ev - posted on 06/25/2014

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Well, Shawnn, that was several years ago. The child is now over 18 and can chose to see her bio father if she wants to do so. But knowing what he did and all, I think maybe she changed her mind from the time she found out who her bio father was.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2014

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Hey, maybe your friend got the only sane judicial official in the States! I wouldn't allow my kids around my father in law unless I or their father was present. Fortunately, he lives far enough away that it wasn't a big deal, we'd only see him once in a great while. Actually, the kids only met him once face to face, and since hubby has always been open with them about his childhood, they knew that this was the man who hurt their daddy, and they knew (to an extent) how. My eldest (then 8) told him "Grandpa Butch, I know that you weren't a very good dad. That was a long time ago. I love you, but I don't really like you very much, ya know"... I wasn't sure if I should be proud, or embarrassed, but he took it in stride.

He told me later that was one condition that he wished he'd never tapped...because it ruined his life, and in retrospect he could see how it had affected his kids. He said it was the one thing that he couldn't ask forgiveness for, because he knew that he didn't deserve forgiveness, and that if we were generous enough to allow him to meet his grandsons at least once, he was the luckiest man he could be.

I'm not saying this to excuse him, by any means, but at least that particular deviant did recognize his crime, and never repeated it after, but did take all responsibility for the rest of his life. He's actually on his deathbed now, and the biggest struggle hubby and his siblings have is whether or not to visit before he passes. Its the whole 'he's my dad but he's a perverted asshole, but he's my dad' dynamic...

Were I your friend, I wouldn't take the cousin up on it either. If the ex wants to request fully supervised visitation in a neutral setting with an impartial 3rd party as the supervising party, that would be different, but the ex just wanting to see the kids and have his cousin as the adult in attendance...nope, not on my kids watch...not at all

Ev - posted on 06/25/2014

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Its just odd because my friend's ex husband was not allowed to be around those two kids of his with his current wife. And though a cousin of his tried to offer several times to be the go between and be there for my friend's daughter to see the man, my friend would not go for it knowing what he had done and also his cousin and my friend did not get along very well to begin with; so my friend was hesitant in allowing such a visit in the first place fearing I guess that something might happen.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2014

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Evelyn, I have to say that I'm most definitely on the side of the 'baby mom from hell' on this one. One would think that a proven sexual predator would automatically not be allowed access to their own minor children, but, they can get it. **ETA: You can thank the ACLU for that...**

I don't necessarily AGREE with the whole idea, because if this guy groomed one girl, assaulted and impregnated her, and has groomed the OP...he's going to groom his kid, no doubt about it.

The thing is, until he shows his true colors with his child by (unfortunately) beginning those grooming behaviours, etc, the courts will allow him a relationship, because it is technically his right. Were I the 'baby mom from hell', I'd already be working on both a restraining order for myself, and proof of paternity and request for full supervised visitation, if any must be granted.

I'm married to an adult survivor of sexual abuse (major abuse, unfortunately). In his case, his father was sent to prison, and put on the offender's registry when he was released, but the man was still allowed to spend time around children provided there were always other adults present. Needless to say, when I met the man for the first time, I didn't pull any punches. I told him "I know WHO you are, and I know WHAT you are and what you've done, and I'm here to tell you if you pull any of that crap now, your kids will have to climb over me to kill you because I'll be there first if anything happens". Oddly enough, he still tells me to this day I'm the best thing that ever happened to his family and he's proud to call me his daughter in law.

Ev - posted on 06/25/2014

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Shawnn,

I got to agree with you totally on this but I must ask something or well use an example for this really: I know a woman who married a man and during the early part of their marriage things got bad fast. They tried to work it out and in that process she got pregnant. When he found out, he denied the child was his flat and blamed her for cheating which I know for fact she was not. Jump ahead several years after her child is born and so on, we found out her then ex husband was in jail for a crime of sex offense. He is as far as I know on the list of sex offenders. He also remarried, my friend found out later. He also has two more kids with this new wife. BUT: They do not have custody of the kids, her parents do because of his being a sex offender. How can a person that is a convicted sex offender get any parental rights if they are not to be around children?

That is what I am wondering.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2014

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Like I said, if you wish to keep that wool over your eyes, that's your choice.

If you want to be supportive, encourage him to come clean about the statutory rape, take his appropriate punishment that will probably include him having to register as a sex offender, and get his attorney to petition for parental rights.

[deleted account]

Well whatever you guys thoughts are you are entitle to those but thats neither here or there i asked about how do i support him with the situation with at hand thats all. How do i support him with the childs mother refusing him of seeing the child.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/25/2014

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Yeah no. Still NOT. You were 11, and he was 26. THAT is NOT good friends. He had his eye on a child.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2014

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I missed that, but yeah, if you've been 'friends' for 13.5 years and you're only 24 now...that's not 'friends'. That's grooming. None of my sons consider the adults that they've known since childhood their 'friends'. They are OUR friends, and when my kids introduce them its always 'this is my mom's friend___"

You WERE being groomed. He IS a pedophile. He's just not been actually caught yet. But, hey, if you want to leave that wool pulled over your eyes, it's your choice...just be prepared.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/25/2014

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WHY are you dating this pedophile????? He was about 36 when he got this 16 year old girl pregnant?? Are you fucking kidding me???

If HE wants rights with his child HE needs to get a lawyer. This way he can request a paternity test also. Stay out of it. Sounds like your bf and his barely legal ex sex partner (who was definitely not of legal consenting age when they were having sex) are both losers. You dating a 39 yr old man, well that speaks volumes about your daddy issues.

You said you have been good friends for 13 1/2 years??? That would make you 11 when you met him and he was 26. That is not a friendship. That is a pedophile grooming his next victim. Distance yourself from this man. He is poison and probably should be in jail. Don't be a naive little girl, be a women that respects herself.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2014

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She doesn't have that right. He needs to get an attorney. (He also needs to be prepared for consequences of the statutory relationship) He needs to request proof of paternity be gained, and submit himself for support and visitation arrangements.

Legally, she cannot withhold the child from the biological father, and if she's proven to be doing so, it can be considered parental alienation. He needs to get an attorney.

I have to say that it could be rocky, considering her age at the time of the encounter, pregnancy and birth, and he may have some legal consequences stemming from that, but regardless, he wants to support his child, which is good, and he should be allowed to do so, and to have a relationship.

[deleted account]

No the dna hasnt been done, because when he wanted to she than said that he couldnt see the child.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2014

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He needs to go to court. Why did he stop when the 'dna came into play'? Did the dna show he was NOT the father?

[deleted account]

I understand the law and he does as well i know that we hear this a lot she lied about her age she convienced him that she was 18plus at the time of their encounter she had fake college ids had him dropping her off at the campus buying books and everything she didnt tell him her real age until the baby was born and almost a year later. So when it cones to the courts he wanted to go and do it the right way thats when the news broke anout the dna came into play. So now she holds all the cards controls of his everything move when it comes to the child. What to do now? How to deal with the situation?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/25/2014

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First of all, he's a borderline pedophile, if he has a 2.5 year old kid with a 19 year old mother...that made her 16.5 at the time of the birth, and just over 15 when he impregnated her, whilst he was 26! She should be filing statutory rape charges against him, as well as support.

Most likely the reason he feels he needs to play by her rules is that he KNOWS that he broke the law by sleeping with her, he KNOWS that he could be prosecuted for the crime, and he's not man enough to admit he's a pervert. Were I you, I wouldn't touch this relationship with a 20 ft pole, let alone contemplate marriage to this person!

Tell him to man up, admit his wrongdoing, take his punishment for the statutory crime and be a parent to the kid.

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