Baby Name and Gender..do you tell or not?

Gena - posted on 11/23/2014 ( 10 moms have responded )

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In the country where i live with my family,the pregnant women keep it a secret till the baby is born. Only one friend told me she is having a girl,but the name is still a secret. I told everybody what gender and even the name. How does it work where you live? Do you tell your friends and family the gender and name? We also dont do babyshowers. I wonder why they keep it a secret till the baby is born. If you did,why did you? I respect any way people choose,to tell or not :)

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Guest - posted on 11/25/2014

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The purpose of the baby shower is pretty much just about gifts. There are people who say it is about celebrating the unborn baby, but it really isn't.
Mostly, it is to help the new parents out with the "big ticket" items like strollers, pack n' plays, car seats, and such to lessen the financial burden. The mom-to-be will have registered for gifts at a baby specialty store, like Buy Buy Baby, so that everyone will know what she wants for the new baby.
Sometimes she will also register with a store online so that those who cannot attend can still send a gift. If you get an invitation, it is polite to send a gift whether you actually attend or not, but it is becoming more acceptable to give a gift only if you attend. If it is an invitation to a shower for a second child, you don't have to send a gift.


At the shower, there is usually a cake and catered appetizers or light snacks--usually very pretty food that doesn't taste great.
Women sit around and watch the mom-to-be open gifts and ohh and ahh over all the cute stuff she picked out.
Some people play funny games like who can change a diaper on a doll the fastest, or try a bunch of baby foods and guess the flavors. I've never been to one where they play games, but I've heard of them.
It is usually women only. It is often held on a game day so men have an excuse to stay home. If they do have to tag along for some reason, there should be a separate room for them to watch sports or chat among themselves.

And that's a baby shower.


Usually we don't visit in the hospital after a baby is born because the risk of making the baby sick is too high in the US.
People do stop by to see the baby a few weeks after. Usually they bring food so new mom doesn't have to cook, but sometimes they bring a gift. One lady gave me a certificate for 14 free house keeping sessions from Merry Maid--BEST GIFT EVER!!!!!!

Guest - posted on 11/25/2014

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That's an interesting question! I never knew there were places where it was a secret.

I'm in the Southeastern US, here we usually tell the sex. We usually tell the name as well, if we have it picked out all ready, but it is also common for people to name the baby after they see it, or to keep the name a secret if they have chosen an especially unique name. I know people who chose very unique names and had to deal with relatives pressuring them to change it through the whole pregnancy.

The traditional rule around here is that you get a traditional shower for the first child, but showers for second children are becoming more common. Usually second showers we call "Diaper Showers" -- you don't register for gifts, everyone just brings diapers of different sizes, wipes, and things like that.


The main rule we have here about showers is that a mom-to-be should NEVER throw her own shower. The shower should be thrown for her by a friend or relative. And apparently the mom-to-be's mother should not throw her daughter a shower, but the dad-to-be's mother can throw a shower for her daughter-in-law. I'm not sure if this is common knowledge though--I know a lot of women who gave showers for their daughters, but I have heard a few women at churches say things like, "Can you believe she threw a shower for her own daughter?" I don't get it. No mom for me, so I didn't have that problem.

It is also rude for a mom-to-be to turn down an offer from a friend who wants to give her a shower, and I think that is why the second showers are becoming more popular. Their friends want to throw a shower, and there really isn't a polite way to say no.

Michelle - posted on 11/25/2014

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Well, if you are having the same sex you had before and only a year or so later then what would you need? I don't see the point of baby showers myself. My cousin has had 7 children and had one for each child. Needless to say, I haven't gone to them since the first.

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Gena - posted on 11/26/2014

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No gift registries for weddings. Unfortunatly lol,we got awful gifts. If a bridal shower is where the bride to be gets dressed up all funny with her friends and goes from bar to bar playing games like getting men to wear lipstick and kiss her on her white tshirt,and they all get drunk..then yes some do it. If its not that then no,no bridal shower:) I never did the whole girls night out,neither did my husband because the men usualy also do it but i think they go to strip clubs. My sisters boyfriends brother is going to get married and they are doing his night out in las vegas!crazy! We live in Switzerland btw.
I guess if we would do baby showers then maybe it wouldnt be such a big deal to tell the gender. Its also not really practice here that if somebody asks what you would like as a gift you usually dont say something specific unless the person insists on you telling.I guess it has to do with money,because thats one thing NO body talks about here,you dont talk about your finances or how much you earn an hour or how much tax you pay...or you dont even ask how much rent you pay on the place you live. I think the only thing close to gift registrie that we have here is at Toysrus.They have a basket where children can put toys they would like in it..and i am not even sure how that exactly works lol.

Guest - posted on 11/26/2014

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That's interesting!
I suppose that is why it is more common for women over here to tell the gender of the baby; a big chunk of the baby supplies for the first baby come from the shower, so it's good to let people know what to buy. That said, most people still usually choose unisex stuff for the big items in case their next child is the opposite gender.

Do you have gift registries for weddings? Do you have bridal showers?

Gena - posted on 11/25/2014

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Thats so interesting! I never knew you could register gifts you would like and then others get it for you! We just have gift vouchers from stores.I think the only idea i like about the babyshower it is the fact that it helps financialy.Now i understand why it wouldnt make sense to do a baby shower for eatch child. Here its usualy that the grand parents to be will give a bigger amount of money towards a stroller or car seat.

Gena - posted on 11/25/2014

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Btw i have never been to a babyshower because it doesnt exist in the country i live,i have no clue what its about..i have only seen on tv a babyshower,but i just saw them eating cake and giving gifts. Here people bring gifts to the hospital...i find it silly,or they bring it when they come to visit at home when they first see the baby. Its tradition here that friends put up a big tree outside with a big wooden painted board in the shape of mickey mouse,baby,lion etc and then the babys name and birthday is painted on it. So everybody in the neighborhood can see that a baby was born on this date and the name. I am glad we didnt have a tree,but a big cute lion with name and bday outside.

Gena - posted on 11/25/2014

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May i ask what a baby shower is actualy for? Or what do you do there? Is it all about getting presents? Yes the women here can actualy get offended if you ask about the gender,i once asked a woman and she was offended by that. I dont see any reason to keep it such a secret. I always find it difficult when somebody i know is pregnant and i see cute things that i could give as a present,but since i dont know pink or blue i just end up getting unisex clothes and some baby bath gel. AAAAND something that really upsets me is that i have bought clothes twice,newborn size..but by the time i got to bring it the babys were to big for it. I dont like visiting in hospital because when i had our son i had way to many visitors,and i dont want to be that annoying visitor like all of the people who visited us.

Gena - posted on 11/24/2014

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I also couldnt keep it a secret:) I know a couple, she wanted to know the gender and found out and kept it a secret from her husband because he didnt want to know.Just imagine keeping it a secret from your husband! Are babyshowers only for the first baby?

Michelle - posted on 11/24/2014

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I can't keep a secret, especially for 4/5 months!!!! I didn't find out with my 1st because he was hiding but my 2nd was a flasher!!! The 3rd was a very demure girl but we found out. I like to have the name picked out and let people know. I didn't have any baby showers though. I know some people who have had a baby shower for every child!!!

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