Baby name regret. Time for a nicname??

Mandy - posted on 03/12/2016 ( 40 moms have responded )

4

0

2

I gave my daughter an older name to be different and now I regret it. I also named my daughter after her great aunt Elsie. Yes Elsie is her name. I have always thought it was cute. Always. Now all I can think of are the things people have said about it in the school yard. It hurts and half the time i feel defensive and the other times i feel regret. The same regret I felt days after her birth - which i did not acknowledge or deal with.

I feel it is time for a nickname!

I want to go with her favorite nickname Elsa. Unfortunately no one is with me, except her. I am the only one that calls her Elsa, my oldest daughter and spouse just aren't with me on this. I have decided I will ask the school to call her Elsa at the start of grade 1 and have learn to spell it - which she already can. So therefore i want her to advocate for herself in the use of this name. Which is why I want my family members to give a try. My spouse feels I am being unreasonable.

Ultimately I feel she will not like her name and want to use her middle name which I adore (Alyssa) but i dont want her or I to suffer from teasing and mean comments for the years before she is old enough to go from Elsie to Alyssa.

What should I do? Just wait it out or make a small change now?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Cutemommy - posted on 03/15/2016

122

0

8

I never used to like my first name i went by my middle name for a while in elementary and it was the worst during awards, subs, and paperwork because the name would pop up likea bad dream I hated that. Elsle is a pretty name and its not the name that makes the girl its the girl that makes the name. Teach your daughter to be wonderful and it will make the name. It sounds like peoples opinions are making you back track your decision stand firm and continue to stand by the name you once loved.

Kellie - posted on 03/21/2016

1

0

0

Elsie is a beautiful name. What in the world can the kids be calling your daughter? There are so many unique names anymore that I can't imagine kids making fun of any name.

My grandmother's name was Elsie, so it had to be part of my first daughter's name. It's not her first name, but it's her middle name. She loves it. My daughter's name is Kansas Elsie. I get so many compliments on her name, so I'm surprised that you are having a difficult time with it.

However, with all that said, I am not happy with my second daughter's name for the same reasons you gave in naming your daughter Elsie. My second daughter's name is Sarah, and it definitely was not my choice. I settled on it because my ex-husband and I could not agree. I even thought of nicknaming her Sadie, just to be different. However, in the end, it just does not seem right to change a name once it's given.

Although Sarah is not a name I care for too much, my Sarah will always be my Sarah. :-)

Jodi - posted on 03/16/2016

3,561

36

3907

"if you only you knew how I've been treated latley about her name"
But that's you, not her. Again, YOU are imposing your concerns and insecurities onto her.

"t's HER teacher that keeps making barnyard references and even called her "that old that thing" "
So make a complaint to the school about the teacher. That's not even remotely acceptable.

Quite honestly, tell people to fuck off and mind their own business. I would.

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2016

9,024

0

22

Michelle and Shannon I agree completely. I just came from my 11 yo basketball game and I asked the girls what they thought of the name Elsie; not one even batted an eye and said anything about a barnyard animal or a slut on TV. All of them basically shrugged and said it is a fine name...Stop projecting what may or may not happen down the road. I was called "Sally" a nickname for Sarah a huge part of my childhood. Once the legal name was needed it was such a headache trying to explain that Sally was just my nickname. Elsie is a lovely name. Teach her to be proud of it. And no, a 5 yo cannot change her name. Why arr you so worried about this? You have a healthy, able bodied child, you have a lot more to think about than her name.

Shannon - posted on 03/15/2016

8

0

3

I think Elsie is adorable and feminine. When I was little, I desperately wished my first name was Elizabeth so I could go by Libbie... (it's my middle name). Now I'm SOOO glad it's not! Kids always dream up what they'd like. As the mother you gave her the name :) own it!

40 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 03/25/2016

3,561

36

3907

I give up. Clearly this poster needs professional help to deal with her own insecurities, but is unlikley to seek it because she is denial that she has any. *shrug*. I'm sorry that this child will learn no resilience from her mother.

Dove - posted on 03/25/2016

11,763

0

1349

Yes, there is something wrong if you are afraid to call your child by name because a few idiots have an opinion about something that is none of their business. I hope you seek some counseling to get over this before you screw up your kid's head big time.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/25/2016

13,264

21

2015

FFS! STOP LISTENING TO EVERYONE ELSE.

You CHOSE a name that you liked, and WANTED. STAND UP for your choice instead of letting other petty idiotic assholes indicate your actions. If YOU give in to this bullying, you are only showing your kids that they should never, ever stand up for themselves.

Cmandy - posted on 03/25/2016

15

0

0

Yeah there is definitely something wrong when your afraid to call your kid by their name.

Dove - posted on 03/25/2016

11,763

0

1349

You must live in a very weird place w/ a lot of idiotic psychopaths that they are making this much of an issue over a NAME. Either that or you are taking the few bad apples and projecting way too much.

The people that don't like her name are idiots and aren't worth either of your time. Teach her that some people in the world flat out do not make sense... and it's not your problem or your fault. If her name (that there is nothing in the world wrong with) is causing this much stress and trouble... I'd recommend some counseling.

Cmandy - posted on 03/25/2016

15

0

0

I just can't feel content in that I gave my kid a name that no one likes. (Thank you to those here who have). I honestly felt trepidation after her birth. i worried her name choice might be a bit too old, too uncommon not liked. And it is, I am not making this up. People generally dislike her name, if not by a disapproving look, it a comment or even outright disrespect towards us as parents. I don't know if things will change. I had liked Elsa long before it was a Frozen name....it was on her list of baby names. Dad likes Elsie better. My name choice was Alyssa. (He hates Melissa - so it was out). I don't want her growing up in a community that hates her name!! Do you blame me? If she grows up with people that don't like her name she is isn't going to like it either. I told her father that if this happens, she is going to gravitate toward her middle name. So I want her to take on Elsa (as her forever name) while she is young. So we won't be hated (treated unkindly). This problem can easily be solved but I can't convince her Dad :( I say to him, what do you know about being a girl??

I don't want to walk on eggshells everywhere I go. Shushing her sister from yelling out her name everywhere because I can't deal with the comments.

Michelle - posted on 03/19/2016

3,729

8

3246

I'm also finding it hard to believe that so many people are so opinionated over a child's name. It's very strange.
TBH, e if you changed it to Elsa then you will have people commenting that you named her after a cartoon character. Just going by what people are saying now, it doesn't matter what name you choose.
Maybe you and your husband should look at jobs somewhere else. You live in a town of horrible people by the sounds of it.

Jodi - posted on 03/18/2016

3,561

36

3907

Well, as long as there is always one, there will always be someone who will hate whatever name you give your child. I still think you are overthinking it.

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2016

9,024

0

22

Someone actually said that your child has a shitty name, within earshot? I would have gone berserk. Even if my kids were there to see me. Why would Catholic school only welcome you for a time? We have lots of non-Catholic kids in both grade school and high-school. But it doesn't seem like school is the problem. Kids may make a joke or two about any name, the teacher should shut it sown and within a short time they are a community. We have an Ivan (eye-van) like Ivan the Terrible, he is a big boy but the kids in class don't seem fazed. Now that I think thru the names of the peers in my kids' schools there are all sorts of "weird or teasable" names; Marley (like in the movie) Haddie (whose real name is Haddasah) My own kid is Emma Elizabeth E. and she gets called E-3, like ET "E3 go home". So changing her name isn't going fix the actual issue, rather learning to build her up to be proud and confident. if the skate coach make one more remark, I'd fire her, if she is the only coach go to the rink owner. All of this over a name of a dearly loved woman? Nuts.

Cmandy - posted on 03/18/2016

15

0

0

I would love to move!! DH has his job here and mine too. Even if we moved to the outskirts, there no guarantee that people will be better. And it's not that it's everyone. But there is always one. Always. The Skating thing is bad tho. The coachs' friend said "I don't know how you can call a baby that." She sounded really snobby. Problem is I listen to people. Now that I'm super sensitive and know that people comment - I listen. Id be better off if I didn't pay attention to what is going on around me. Like my DH. I've also heard. "I can't believe she named her kid that - at school in the kindie room. My friend wants me to leave the school. We live in the same neighbourhood. She said her school is great - Catholic but we are Welcomed...untill a certain age. I am definitely not making this up! I wish I was..

Jodi - posted on 03/18/2016

3,561

36

3907

I'd consider moving. You clearly live in a location where the people are horrible. I've never heard of a place to live where the people are all so mean. To be honest, I am finding it very difficult to believe this is the way all the people around you behave.

Cmandy - posted on 03/18/2016

15

0

0

On Thursay I got "That one has a shitty name". at the public library. I was instantly mad for hearing her bad launguge. I told my kid that was a mean person. My girl said " Mommy your nice". I said "I know It's what separates us." I guess this is our life.
I just don't want to be afraid to say her name out loud in public. But I am. I so sad.

Cmandy - posted on 03/16/2016

15

0

0

Jodi, I reported it at the school. They basically condoned it. They never got back to me and so I went to the school board. Met in person with someone over seeing the school. Nothing good came form it. She could have been Elsa a long time ago but I didnt act on my instincts. It's suits her so well now. A very strong independent girl with long dark blond hair. Too little too late.
Going to a new school would solve many problems but not that of her sister and her Dad.
But I do like Fuck Off and Mind your own business!!. It definitely says more about them than us.

Adestes - posted on 03/16/2016

1

11

0

People are mean!! I love the name! I'm so sorry u are dealing with this. People of the world! My name is Adestes, daughters Alyvia, Ayvah and Ayden. I remember I loved the name Jesalina but my MIL said it reminded her of gasoline!! The gall of some people!

Cmandy - posted on 03/16/2016

15

0

0

Jodi, if you only you knew how I've been treated latley about her name. It's so much more than insecurity. It's HER teacher that keeps making barnyard references and even called her "that old that thing" She helped her with a Mother's Day card for me that said to Moo from Elsie (in the teachers hand writing) Someone slapped a College Royal sticker on her back one day. I saw it when she came home. College Royal is generally about Livestock Shows run by students at the College. My dentist was down right rude to me about her name...and me. It was awful she had her hands in my mouth and asked if I tried to change it and said "Does anyone like it? Anyone?? I am changing dentists! Then the skating coach has been going on to me about it. SHE told her helpers Elsie was a barn animal name, that we should have given her a more beautiful name...they wouldn't even call her by her name! They acted embarrassed... A Dad in the dressing room said WHY? Right after we called her name, he said "WHY with all the new technology out there." And looked at me in a shameful way. I said to my hubby "Her Aunt wouldn't be very impressed". I do say stuff tho. I really knocks the wind out of me sometimes. Its just never ending right now.
One of my friends thinks it's because of where I live. She said people are big snobs here in my town.
Not very many of my friends or family liked it at first either. The name honesty has historical associations that are unflattering. I didnt know this stuff before....I think any mom would feel like I do in this situation.
I am afraid of facing a lifetime of adversity. It's only a matter of time before the opinions of adults trickle down to their young.....making my daughter's name something that it is not.

Jodi - posted on 03/15/2016

3,561

36

3907

While your daughter is saying she wants to be called Elsa, she is being highly influenced by you - she's 5. It's unlikely she is making this choice all on her own. She is also not expressing she doesn't want to be called Elsie. Stop making her choices for her. You are not advocating for her - you are advocating for YOU.

And you don't get to just change her name legally for her - your husband has to agree, and he clearly thinks you are making too big a deal about it and wants it kept as Elsie.

"Why wait is my deal."
Why do it at all?

"Or I have the world full of jerks banging down my door."
Aren't we being just a bit dramatic? As I said earlier, perhaps get some therapy for YOUR insecurities rather than passing them on to your daughter.

"They're aware her sister calls her by a different name. Basically she is a kid with two names."
No, no she isn't. She is a child with ONE name and a mother who WANTS her to have a different name because of her insecurities - this is only confusing for the child because YOU have imposed a second name on her.

" I feel I have to make a decision one way or another and soon."
I'm sorry, but I believe this child has TWO parents. So why are you excluding HIS views from this decision? It's not your right to make this decision on your own. And it is incredibly disrespectful of you to disregard his feelings about it because you need therapy.

Michelle - posted on 03/15/2016

3,729

8

3246

I can't believe you have made such a big deal about this.
She is probably saying she prefers that name because that's what you have been calling her.
Who cares what other people think about a name! It is just a name and not worth all this really.

Cmandy - posted on 03/15/2016

15

0

0

Yesterday she said she wanted Elsa to be her forever name. And since she is only 5 maybe she should wait till she falls out of interest with the Frozen Theme. Although she has been called Elsa since before Frozen, that's where we stand on that.
Can a kid really change their name? Because it's really about other people, and what they call you. I feel like the sooner the better. I want to advocate for her! I wish I had done it sooner. She is only 5. Grade one could be a new start if the teachers agree to her wishes. I don't know if she is ready to stand up for her name of choice. Elsie is cute and I like it but this has been a long time coming. Why wait is my deal. But even if I wait how much more troublesome will this become. Is there a right time?
If she did successfully take on this name. I would legally change it for her
I am confused because I feel the need to support her and protect her. Or I have the world full of jerks banging down my door. She was registered at March Break Camp as Elsa for a trial run. They're aware her sister calls her by a different name. Basically she is a kid with two names. I feel I have to make a decision one way or another and soon.

Cmandy - posted on 03/15/2016

15

0

0

In the same way that you think I would name my child after a Disney Princess is the same for those who think I've named my child after a famous cow or any other association. No one actually does that do they? I would assume it's because they like the name itself for what it is. Elsie is a cute variation of Elsa and vice versa and a derivative of Elizabeth. Its the letters and how they sound together. It's about the name only. Everyone seems to want to associate it with someone. If I meet an Emma or Olive I see the person before me not whom I've known before with that name.

I guess in reality I've opened the door to jerks by giving my kid a name with unusual associations. Both ways I get peoples' negative attention. :(

Sarah - posted on 03/15/2016

9,024

0

22

So this is the time for you to teach her that you picked a name you love, in honor of a woman you loved and she can hold her head high. Unless she is being bullied or begging you to call her something else, let it go.

Cmandy - posted on 03/14/2016

15

0

0

I can't tell you all how much I apprciate your feedback. (I am from Canada). I am aware of the recent rise in popularity of her name in the US and UK. I do realise how I sound. I do know that older people DO NOT ALL come from farms. Thats just stupid. I do love my daughter's name as much as the day I named her. I love everything about her!! But yes I have had insecurities big time! All I want is the best for her - that's all.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/14/2016

13,264

21

2015

Wow...really? You just said that "But I thought most older people are usually from farms anyway"??? You don't lump things together, much, do you?

FYI, Just because someone is "older" (and at this point, GOD only knows where you're drawing that line for 'older') doesn't automatically mean that they were farm bred. ESPECIALLY in this day and age!

Not to mention, I WAS raised on a ranch, and NONE of my animals had people names, but I digress.

You are allowing others to make your choices for you, and for your daughter. Are you REALLY happy with that scenario? Or would you be happier if you stated to each and every rude individual who thinks they have the leeway to comment negatively about her name "Well, we LIKE the name Elsie, otherwise we wouldn't have chosen it. Thanks for your opinion, but we won't be changing it any time soon, and I would appreciate you showing my daughter the respect of using her given name."

Stand up for yourself. And for your kids.

PS...LOL...stop lumping everyone into one mold or another, because sooner or later you're going to really offend someone. Phrases like "all older people are raised on farms" or "All families from a certain ethnic group do ____(fill in the blank)" tend to be incorrect assumptions, and could cause others to be upset, or you to be embarrassed.

Raye - posted on 03/14/2016

3,761

0

21

Elsie is not an "old lady" name (at least in the US). According to the BabyCenter database and the US Government Social Security Administration, the popularity ranking of the name Elsie has been on the rise since 2001. It is now in the top 300 popular baby names. There have also been several recently famous people named Elsie, such as...

Elsie Fisher (born 2003) is most well known for voicing the character of Agnes in the Despicable Me films.

Elsie Windes (born 1985) is an American water polo player and Olympic silver (2008) and gold (2012) medalist.

Your daughter can be proud of her name.

Cmandy - posted on 03/14/2016

15

0

0

My daughter's nickname was already a thing before the Frozen movie came out, the movie only made her nickname more troublesome. My sister has a dog named Ellie and cousin has a child named Ella. Elsa was the natural alternative. But SHE likes it and is happy with being called that. She also knows that her mom likes to call her that - which is part of it. I agree that replacing her nickname for her real name isn't fair. Its awkward. Athough SHE is perfectly fine with it - she is only 5. But its her sister and her dad - they are not changing what they call her. I also understand how influential I am on her decisions. I think one day she might gravitate towards her middle name but untill then I should just leave the nicname out.

I agree that I really need to deal with the unkindness I have experienced regarding her name. At the he schoolyard (parents and teachers!) the dentist, our skating coach ... everywhere!!!! People oppose her name mainly because it's old. IMO there are many old names, just that Elsie is uncommon and old. And it's not the kids, it's Adults! And ya I am having a hell of a time knowing how to deal with them. If it's not a comment in passing, then it's a rude look or they will literally call her Elsa instead - which is how she got the nickname. A friend started it, she thought Elsie was a farm name. But I thought most older people are usually from farms anyway.... I have been made to feel that her name is socially unacceptable. However I have never been afraid to be different. But being different right now hurts :(

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/14/2016

13,264

21

2015

One question: WHAT DOES YOUR KID WANT TO BE CALLED???

It's HER name, HER life, and HER individuality you talking about here. You are making a decision based on what other adults are telling you? That she "may" be teased?

Here's a thought: Teach your daughter to handle diversity. Help her have a few comebacks for if she IS ever teased. Honestly? I seriously doubt that kids these days will even understand the 'barnyard' (really???) reference, and have no clue about "a slut on tv".

You LIKED the name. You CHOSE that name for a reason. You are now second guessing yourself. Teach your daughter how to handle adversity. I assure you, it is NOT handled by changing a kid's name to something that your community 'approves' of. It is STANDING UP for your choices. Especially those that others are being judgmental of when they have no business even opening their mouths.

Ask your daughter if SHE wants a nickname, and if so, what SHE wants to be called. Your spouse, her sister...they have no say in HER CHOICE of her name.

Raye - posted on 03/14/2016

3,761

0

21

I wouldn't give her a nickname that replaces her real name. Many people in my family go by their middle name. If the school is open to allowing her to go by her middle name, I don't see a problem with it. My mom had one teacher that refused to call her by her middle name and kept doing roll-call with my mom's first name. She wouldn't answer because she didn't really associate that with being her name, since she was always called by her middle name. The teacher would hit her hand with a ruler and tell her to respond to her name. These days, teachers can't get away with hitting students, but you still may come up against one or two that insist on calling her by her given first name. She should not be ashamed of her first name. And kids who tease her are saying more about their character than hers. She should know their comments aren't true about her. But either way, I agree with the others that you should not push your insecurities on to the girl. If she's not so upset by the teasing, then leave it be.

Sarah - posted on 03/13/2016

9,024

0

22

I am not familiar with any "slut" with that name but I presume you are referring to "Elsie the Cow" for the barnyard reference. Everyone has this potential. I have a daughter named Molly (after her great grandmother (Mollie) and I hear all the time that it's a dog's name. I like it and it suits her. The tough one was my good friend had just given birth to a girl she named Monica. Right before, and I mean like weeks before the Monica Lewninski scandal broke. My friend was devastated, and she was hassled endlessly. But years have past and she no longer gets teased. If you really want a nickname, I'd avoid the Disney name, that will set up a whole new twist on the teasing and just go with Ellie, or Ella. She is only in kindergarten and will likely loose her love for Elsa sooner than you think. Is your daughter even upset?

Cmandy - posted on 03/13/2016

15

0

0

I appreciate the feed back. I see your point. I wish my community at large was more kind. I am actually really shocked by the negativity at the school. The reason why I am the only one concerned is largely due to the fact that I am the one who hears the judgment from other moms. Even some teens at the shoe store commented. Then the skating coach...It's endless right now. And Yes I may have become super sensitive and have hurt feelings. I feel like I have done her some injustice. Anyway we are working together, my spouse and I, hopefully towards a better understanding of the situation.

Jodi - posted on 03/12/2016

3,561

36

3907

How do you know that your daughter will be happy she was named after a Disney princess character (or a lion)? The actual meaning of the name (and its origins) are the same.

Really, "people" need to learn to be more accepting and polite.

I'll be honest, I have never heard the name Elsie used in a way that I would be concerned (I am not familiar with any barn animals name Elsie, nor am I aware of any slut named this either, and hopefully your daughter's young friends won't either). I would honestly question why people are being so negative and nasty and tell them to perhaps review their own moral values. That's what I would do. You named her after your great aunt. There is no shame in that.

What it comes down to is that you seem to be the only one in your family with an issue with it. Without the support of your spouse, I am not quite sure what you hope to accomplish other than that your daughter will sense your shame of her name. You can't just change her name at school unless you change it legally - all of her reports, future certificates, everything, will need to be in her real name unless you change it legally and you can't do that without your spouse agreeing to it.

If this is causing you major anxiety, I would suggest maybe you have more issues than just your daughter's name and perhaps you should be addressing them.

Cmandy - posted on 03/12/2016

15

0

0

A few people said that I gave her a name that can be teased. People generally dislike it. I want to protect her. The name has historical uses for barn animals and as one said " the name of a slut on a TV show". I feel that by not doing anything ... that Im being a bad mom. If these things come to haunt her I will feel even worse for not doing anything now. I feel a nickname is imperative but troublesome. My anxiety around this issue is pretty intense. I don't want it to override logical judgement. What would you do?

Jodi - posted on 03/12/2016

3,561

36

3907

Isn't it up to her to decide if she wants to use her name or not? Instead, you are actually the one making her self-conscious about her name - these are your insecurities, not hers, and by making these choices for your daughter, you are projecting your insecurities on to her. I agree with your spouse - you are being unreasonable.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms